I feel lost. Today marks two weeks since I went out on disability. The stress and anxiety of my job finally caught up to me, and I couldn't even think of going into that building without getting physically ill. I still haven't been able to see my doctor, I still haven't seen my psychiatrist. My disability paperwork hangs in limbo until I can see one of them and get the paperwork submitted. I sit at home all day, screwing around online and taking long naps. While my anxiety has diminished somewhat, I still can't function like an adult. I sit here on the 19th of the month wondering how I am going to pay my rent and phone bill on the first of the month. I wonder how I am gong to eat if I ever regain my appetite. I wonder if I will ever be well enough to fully support myself and be reasonably stable while doing it. I've started smoking again, I've started cutting again. I can't cope. The thought of suicide lingers in the background. I feel hopeless, and I don't know what to do about it.
the closest thing that I ever did to cutting was trying to blind myself. I'm very grateful each day since then that I wasn't successful . Hurting yourself solves no problems. I woke up one day and realized how important my sight was. If I would of succeeded I would of known the light , but would be forced to live in darkness and I realize each day I'm alive the misery that would of caused myself would of been unmeasurable .
Steph, I am sorry for your disability. Can you call the doctor or psychiatrist and have the paperwork sent to them for completion?