Hello, so there is a "Trans advocacy" group at my college (which is only open to trans identified people), that I wanted to join, etc... But I'm scared of entering the lgbt center room, and I can never get myself to get inside, I feel so lame, I keep thinking that I'm not passable enough every time and I am scared to socialize with people, when someone starts talking to me I just try to seem not interested and try to speak very little so that they will stop, and I can never get myself to start any conversation, I feel very uncomfortable >.< I don't know what to do, I don't know why I keep thinking that I'd look not enough like a girl to pass, I feel so stupid right now. :'( :'( :'( :'(
Also I feel so stupid because I'd hate to enter by myself I saw other people entering and they were with other people, I always feel so lonely, and I'm probably not proud of myself enough to get inside.
First problem. If that is your picture, you look very much like a girl. You are seeing your old face and I am seeing your new face. Second problem. Anyone you meet in that room had exactly the same feeling you have. They will understand, welcome you and understand that you need some time before you are ready to open up. I was in a like position once and I almost didn't go back the second time. Promise me you will attend several meetings and get to know the people. It was the thing that turned my life around and enabled me to transition.
From your profile pic you definitely pass - but if you're going to a trans advocacy group surely that's the best place to not quite pass? Also there's safety in numbers; they'll want you to join - and everyone else probably felt just as intimidated the first time.
I never went to any LGBTQA groups in uni and i really regret not going at least once. Try it and if you hate it you don't have to go back.
Dear Peep:
You are experiencing what so many of us have . . . you are "camera ready" as we say in LA. AND it won't matter, at the center they totally get that everyone starts somewhere - in your case a very nice place to start from. All the doubt and angst is understandable, but it's like an early morning fog - put a little sunshine on it and it will evaporate.
Sooo, in feme or not, just walk right in and introduce yourself; you'll be glad you did and so will they.
Take care and stay in touch,
Rachel