So today was the first official step into me accepting myself as trans-gendered. it was intake for therapy sessions. However, a few things I'd like to say off the bat, to dissuade any comments I know I'll receive.
1. I know for a fact this will not SOLVE any problems I have, there is no magic cure-all. Life won't be easier either way, in fact, life will be much harder in ways for me if I choose to transition.
2. No one, and I repeat, no one can tell me who I am but me. And even then, I must be brutally honest with myself.
3. In my research, I have looked into the wonderful, heartwarming stories, and the terrifying, discouraging stories of de-transition.
4. While I have the extreme fortune of coming of age in a society which is much more accepting of various people, regardless of background, gender, or sexuality, there will still be opposition, ignorance, and down right hatred aimed toward me. I know this and accept it.
5. I will lose relationships, some opportunities, and family. In regards to family, I accepted that fact long ago, and no longer desire nor want their companionship or presence. I also know that family is not blood, and I will find those who do love and support me, with some effort on my behalf. And while some doors close, others will open.
6. No matter how terrified I am, I will keep going to understand and come to peace with myself. In the end, the ONLY, I repeat, ONLY person I desire to and am obligated to keep happy and comfortable is myself. NO ONE ELSE.
7. While I know everyone has their reasons, my reason for desiring transition has very little to do with others or sexuality. If I had to break it down, it'd be 90% Internal and being comfortable with myself, 7% being passable for others, 3% sexual.
8. I will utilize every resource I have to make myself 150% sure I am ready and willing to take the steps of no return.
9. I understand that I have somewhat an advantage do to the fact I am younger (almost 19) and understand that this is an ideal time to begin my journey that many wish they could have. However, I will still be patient and very, very sure this is what I want.
10. finally, no matter what happens, I am the only person who must live with this decision, for the rest of my life. I must make sure I am willing to live with it.
With that out of the way, I would like to thank all of you, if for nothing else than just making it through the day, staying strong, and being so willing to help others with this monumental decision. While I still have a ways to go, and I know what hell lies ahead, I believe it's nothing I've not faced before in other ways, and coming from a background like my own, I am not unaccustomed to days where I just doubt everything, and just want to disappear. Hell, even suicidal at times. Despite all this, I'd rather wade through hell than give up and give in. My happiness and to have how I feel on the inside reflect in my external appearance would be worth it all.
One last thing I want to mention is my suspicion that my feelings may be rooted in some physiological reasons as well. I do have a couple conditions which are common in cisgendered females, such as TMJ, skeletal conditions, weight distribution, and possibly even duplicated ureters. Again I am not looking for excuses nor validation. Simply curious and would find it a slight bit affirming to know about these things.
I hope to get to know all of you lovely men and women, cis-gendered or trans-gendered.]
~Lilith (or Lili. Still working out naming deal :p)
Hello lilith, thank you for posting this. All of these points you have raise are all valid. And about 90% of all of us have asked these same questions at some point of our transitions.. I am post op transexual woman and you are right it is not easy i have been beaten up and i have had some family members lose contact with me and i have had comments too. And sometime i have felt is it worth it.. But for me now i have had my opperation i have never been happier. The way i feel now is that i can finally be me. Look the way i want to. Act the way i want to. And live the way i want to.. And that feeling out ways all them negitives that have happened in the past...
Transition is a very hard desition to make and only you can make it. And there will be challenges. But if i was to say that before my transition i was 20% happy with life while i was transitioning i was 10% happy with life and now after my transition im now 90% happy with life.. But that is me and your percentage may/will be different...
I hope this helps and take care..
Lea xx
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1. No not solve but seeing it in a other light helps
2. Disagree, you are a person.
3. Yes we all have our stories.
4. There are always those who comment and hate for the most idiotic reasons.
5. Agree family can be a pita !
6. Disagree what about the ones that realy love you and care for you.
7. That your choice and reason,main point is your happy with it.
8. so your never sure ! As more then 100% is impossible.
9. Younger before puberty would even be better but yes,We all have thing we say I wish I had done that before.
10. Disagree The world has to live with it :)
Wishing you a happy life
I do not want to hi-jack your post, but I'm also starting my journey
Is it appropriate to continue with my thoughts or should I start my own thread?
I'm a newbie here, so thanks for your patience!
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Quote from: Chrissy5946 on September 26, 2015, 05:36:30 AM
I do not want to hi-jack your post, but I'm also starting my journey
Is it appropriate to continue with my thoughts or should I start my own thread?
I'm a newbie here, so thanks for your patience!
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Of course, go ahead! I'd love to know someone else is in it with me! Think of it as collaborating instead of hijacking. :p
Your post is certainly true for most of us, one way or another. In fact right on the button :)
I suggest, and I am a lot older and have been struggling hiding all my life, that happiness is about how you feel about yourself. Yes certainly loneliness is very disconcerting to mankind, but not being at one with yourself is far worse.
As lea has said it can be very hard (and sorry that you have had some bad experience Lea - hugs), but as humans we have the ability to get up and brush it all off, re-focus and push on through it all. You are entering into the prime of your life, you can do that as you and enjoy who you really are for life or hold back and then regrets and other things in life just make it all harder.
Katy xx
I was told by my team of great docs on 9.22 that I was "classic" pre-op, transgendered female, who id's as bisexual. I was convinced I was genderqueer, what a mistake that was. I knew since I was young enough to know what feelings meant that I was assigned female, but having a penis was confusing. I spent years trying to remove the penis, but after the realization it was going anywhere I gave up.
So, here I am, 55 years old and trying to sort out how I will make this work for me before I die. I will not live the person I'm not anymore, I want and deserve happiness in life, even if society doesn't accept me as normal.
I have been having many meltdowns since Tuesday, but I keep a positive, let's figure this out attitude.
For now, I have to tailor this transisition to work for me to just survive, financially, and mentally, physically on some level.
I have so much to learn before I can even think of making headway. I so appreciate this Forum, it is loaded with loving people, who give good advise, suggestions and life stories to help me think things thru.
I will be posting new threads about myself, for feedback, suggestions to find my way.
Chrissy
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Testing
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It is a very well though out list with a mistake in the first item. It can solve one problem and that is it can make you comfortable in you own skin. Some time before surgery but in my cross living period I became comfortable in my life and skin and post surgically I never had a doubt or moment of regret. Sometimes it has made my life harder but not having to deal with the pain every day has made me stronger.
As long as you keep all those thoughts in mind, I think you will make the right decision and go on to live a happy life.
Quote from: Dena on September 26, 2015, 07:34:53 PM
It is a very well though out list with a mistake in the first item. It can solve one problem and that is it can make you comfortable in you own skin. Some time before surgery but in my cross living period I became comfortable in my life and skin and post surgically I never had a doubt or moment of regret. Sometimes it has made my life harder but not having to deal with the pain every day has made me stronger.
As long as you keep all those thoughts in mind, I think you will make the right decision and go on to live a happy life.
Thanks for the response! Honestly, just by transitioning in my mindset, thinking of myself as a woman has made me very happy! I do feel no matter what, this is going to make me very happy.