Hey everyone, let me kind of rephrase the subject line......Can you be on HRT for over a year (looking at about a year and a half) and still pass as a male, keeping your trans status hidden? I know this is one of those ymmv type of deals but I'm hoping that I could be stealth (lol, kinda the opposite of what most trans people mean when they mention stealth) and continue to socially present as a male without an issue.
I'm 37 and I've only been on HRT for about 3 1/2 months but I've already noticed the changes. Other than facial changes, my body shape which I can hide with clothing, and....breast development.....which looks like moobs on a skinny guy.
As much as I love the changes...socially, I don't think I'll be ready to transition for a while and still act macho but even that's getting tiresome. What do you all think?
Mod edit by request
You look pretty androgynous already... my first instinct is to gender you female even in unisex clothing, there.
It's possible for some people, but you already know mileage may vary. :) I'd definitely have a fallback plan just in case; I started HRT at 32 and by about six months in I couldn't successfully pass for male. I ended up having to move up my plans to come out because of it. Given how well you've responded to HRT already, you really might be on the "male fail sooner rather than later" end of the scale. Sorry? :)
lol Jenna, thank you and....noooooooo! I was thinking of buying one of those fake mustaches to wear for a few years...that's about the only fallback plan I have at the moment.
Based on how masculine I felt I looked, I thought it would take years for me to even look androgynous so some of the changes were kind of unexpected.
Did it really only take you 6 months before getting male fail? That worries me because I really really don't feel ready to come out any time soon if at all. How difficult was it?
I was on HRT for 3 years before transitioning and I didn't need to bind. My male voice was plenty low and without makeup at first, I didn't pass. I was one of the worst cases that didn't feminize all that much with hormones and I needed to use hair hair and makeup to substitute for HRT. After years of post surgical exposure I am better but a hair style is critical for my passing.
In my experience it can be easily done. When you start doing other things like growing out your hair, ear-rings, nail polish, femmy clothes etc. it gets a bit more difficult.
Like Bruce Jenner I have a B cup and have been on HRT for a good 6 years now and still primarily present very much as male due to a ton of other factors in my life. Being a former fatty with a poor body image I always wore baggy clothes. Unless you are looking for little hints of it you'll never know that I have a B cup. I have had the very rare inappropiate stare in the supermarket with a slightly snug tee and frozen jiggling nips. But the almost bald head probably throws them off
It took six months before I couldn't successfully convince *anybody* who hadn't known me before that I was a guy, even in men's clothes and flashing male ID (they said it wasn't mine!). It was only about 3 months until was a 42C and the facial changes were enough that I'd have to be in loose men's clothes and trying pretty hard to pass as male... that's what accelerated the plans to come out at work.
Telling my employer and coworkers was one of the scariest things I've ever done, but it went fine; in fact, everyone was super supportive. (I'd already come out to friends and family pre-HRT.) They changed my name before I did it legally, and made it clear that anyone who was rude to me would be ordered to knock it off.
If you're going to have to tell everyone eventually, you may as well start nerving yourself to do it as soon as you can, and the reward is getting to live as yourself. :) I know that's easier said than done, and I was literally sick with terror before I went through with it, but you're probably stronger than you think.
I've done it more than 5 years so far without any difficulty.
I keep stubble on my face and no one can see past that. If I shave I do look odd, so I don't. I have perhaps C-cup breasts, and have to make some effort to hide them. I have a short male haircut and I'm free to wear whatever I want so its not too hard. When people notice changes they always put it down to gaining or losing weight.
I'm not really sure how I'd look if I weren't trying so hard to hide it. I'm getting a bit tired of it too. About a year ago the stress of trying not to transition made me quite ill and I ended up having to increase my HRT and seeing a psych.
I'd suspect if you present like you do in those photo's its going to become fairly obvious somethings going on.
As you're on HRT longer you might find you want to socially transition more. Some people do.
Yes it is possible and common. Sometimes it really comes down to how much the hormones effect you and how well you are able to keep those changes hidden. For me, my breasts were becoming evident way sooner than I anticipated... I could have continued to hide them but didn't want to any more. :)
It's really YMMV. 9 months in I couldn't pass as a guy now to save my life. One girl here was 10 years on HRT without being out fully. It really varies.
Thank you ladies for sharing your stories and experiences. It really helped me process how I should broach this man stealth thing. I'm sure no matter how much hrt changes you, it's still possible to present as male and if you can't, count your blessing I guess.
Quote from: AnonyMs on September 26, 2015, 08:07:14 PM
I'd suspect if you present like you do in those photo's its going to become fairly obvious somethings going on.
Um, those photos were just me straight out of the shower after drying my hair and putting on some clothes. That's pretty much my everyday man face......
Quote from: Jenna Marie on September 26, 2015, 07:58:52 PM
Telling my employer and coworkers was one of the scariest things I've ever done, but it went fine; in fact, everyone was super supportive. (I'd already come out to friends and family pre-HRT.) They changed my name before I did it legally, and made it clear that anyone who was rude to me would be ordered to knock it off.
If you're going to have to tell everyone eventually, you may as well start nerving yourself to do it as soon as you can, and the reward is getting to live as yourself. :) I know that's easier said than done, and I was literally sick with terror before I went through with it, but you're probably stronger than you think.
Yeah...I don't think I'll be coming out at work, at all. I'll have to leave before I can actually come out, it's a bit complicated. :-\
And you're right, I do have to eventually come out to everyone but....I was hoping to push that off indefinitely.
I've been on HRT for almost 2 years and I pass when I'm out but for work was not transitioning just yet (I am now) and while I thought everyone knew, turns out few did. It's very possible.
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Quote from: Autumnleaf on September 27, 2015, 09:51:20 AM
Thank you ladies for sharing your stories and experiences. It really helped me process how I should broach this man stealth thing. I'm sure no matter how much hrt changes you, it's still possible to present as male and if you can't, count your blessing I guess.
Um, those photos were just me straight out of the shower after drying my hair and putting on some clothes. That's pretty much my everyday man face......
Yeah...I don't think I'll be coming out at work, at all. I'll have to leave before I can actually come out, it's a bit complicated. :-\
And you're right, I do have to eventually come out to everyone but....I was hoping to push that off indefinitely.
I think you'll have to make some effort to hide it. If you can manage it I'd suggest growing a light beard or stubble, and carefully selecting your clothes.
It's going to depend on a multitude of factors, to the point there is no reliable yes or no answer. I waited a year myself for several reasons, only to find out later many people had figured it out regardless.
As JoanneB has said, it can be done.
I've been on HRT for three and a half years, of which the last 15 months have been on pellet which has pushed my e levels to transitioning range. Previous, I was roughly on half dose.
My electro is essentially complete as well.
I don't bind the girls so to speak, but present well enough in mannerism that it's never come up as an issue. A few friends joke about me being a girly boy, but that's more because of my sweet tooth. :D
Thank you for the replies ladies. I think you're right luna, looking at myself in mirror, I still look very very male (not sure how I feel about this...) so I don't think continuing to pass as a cis guy is going to be much of a issue. With about 70% of my facial hair gone along with some loss of muscle on my face, I have gotten the "you look younger" thing a few times.
May I ask, are you still continuing to see changes? I'm worried that I'm not going to see much changes from this point on due to my age and bone structure.
Changes are slow and gradual. I enjoy eating too much so weight loss and muscle bulk loss isn't happening that quickly. Mind you though, I'm most certainly weaker and it shows at the gym. Maybe if I lost some weight...
On the other hand, breast development has been slow and steady - I now tend to favour dark loose clothing, and the caboose is enlarging. Fat still tends to accumulate around the tummy though. :(
I definitely get astonishment when I tell people my age - I do look about 5-10 years younger than my chronological age.
I think you can if you're not doing laser, hrt doen't change your facial hair much so if you keep facial hair then you will be gendered male.
Quote from: Melanie ♡ on October 08, 2015, 02:32:33 AM
I think you can if you're not doing laser, hrt doen't change your facial hair much so if you keep facial hair then you will be gendered male.
Hey Melanie, unfortunately, I've already had 6 laser sessions so most of my facial hair is gone. Facial hair is extremely dysphoric for me.
Quote from: luna nyan on October 07, 2015, 09:54:00 PM
On the other hand, breast development has been slow and steady - I now tend to favour dark loose clothing, and the caboose is enlarging. Fat still tends to accumulate around the tummy though. :(
I'm actually looking forward to this, well except gaining weight around the midsection. Always the most difficult place to take off.
A pinch of salt regarding me...
A few people who have seen me from this forum say that I look like a ftm. Most other people just say I look young for my age. Take it as you will.
I got the "you look young" and "have you lost weight" and "you have amazing skin" thing all the time. That's really what they thought, no one expected trans.
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I'm about nine months on HRT and still presenting male. But I'm kind of being passive aggressive about it all. I haven't cut my hair in nearly a year and HRT has had some effects on my body that I don't make any special efforts to hide. I also quit being guarded about mannerism, walk, seating, and particularly support of LGBT and trans issues. People make comments about my hair from time to time (joking around) but it hasn't affected my work relationships or ability to effectively function..
I should add that I've worked here for 17 years and it's a really conservative professional environment with predominantly male retired and Active Army. I am pretty well liked and respected for my expertise and performance and get along with everyone.
As for the future I just leave all options open and take it a day at a time. The only thing I can say for sure is I can't go back to living completely in the black hole.
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Quote from: Autumnleaf on October 08, 2015, 03:45:02 AM
Hey Melanie, unfortunately, I've already had 6 laser sessions so most of my facial hair is gone. Facial hair is extremely dysphoric for me. I'm actually looking forward to this, well except gaining weight around the midsection. Always the most difficult place to take off.
I understand, I felt dysphoric about facial hair even pre-transition since ever, so yeah... What about your hair? Maybe if you cut them in a very masculine way...
Only thing about not transitioning after a year of HRT is you will still need a year of RLE for any surgeries, etc. so you are behind for moving on. I feel if you are female and desire to transition then transition. You never know when the effects will kick in so do it now so you have a plan at least if the best happens. Just my opinion though.
I feel the same way as you Deborah, kind of ambivalent about the whole process and taking it as it. Although I still present as male and still act male at work, hiding any type of feminine mannerisms and such. Also, my job has very strict standards of dress so even though I grew out my hair somewhat, I was told it was too long. So now have to get a bit of a trim. :-\
Quote from: Melanie ♡ on October 09, 2015, 09:59:02 PM
I understand, I felt dysphoric about facial hair even pre-transition since ever, so yeah... What about your hair? Maybe if you cut them in a very masculine way...
That's the plan :-\ and yeah, facial hair sucks but you don't look like you have any at all!
Jessica, I actually don't plan on GCS anytime soon if ever actually. That's the funny thing, ever since being on HRT, I stopped feeling dysphoric which in turn makes me feel female and not female at the same time. Not sure exactly how to describe it. Maybe this will explain my mental state right about now ---> ???
Quote from: Autumnleaf on October 10, 2015, 09:32:59 AM
QuoteThat's the funny thing, ever since being on HRT, I stopped feeling dysphoric which in turn makes me feel female and not female at the same time.
I feel a lot like that too. Maybe it's what everyone else feels like all the time. A feeling of not being split in half.
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Quote from: Autumnleaf on October 10, 2015, 11:59:49 AM
At first I thought you were joking. Anyway, saying that anyone over 25 who transitions looks like a professional crossdresser is quite insulting and naive. I was honestly insulted.
Yeah. It's hard enough as it is without also adding abuse from in here.
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Quote from: Autumnleaf on October 10, 2015, 09:32:59 AM
Jessica, I actually don't plan on GCS anytime soon if ever actually. That's the funny thing, ever since being on HRT, I stopped feeling dysphoric which in turn makes me feel female and not female at the same time. Not sure exactly how to describe it.
Quote from: Deborah on October 10, 2015, 10:21:49 AM
I feel a lot like that too. Maybe it's what everyone else feels like all the time. A feeling of not being split in half.
I feel the same way. Since I started HRT my libido has been close to zero, and my dysphoria is gone. I just feel like... me. I feel complete. I still am drawn to and feel comfortable with all things feminine, but I rarely dress anymore. I just feel content to be who I am.
Terri
Quote from: Maybebaby56 on October 10, 2015, 12:37:42 PM
I feel the same way. Since I started HRT my libido has been close to zero, and my dysphoria is gone. I just feel like... me. I feel complete. I still am drawn to and feel comfortable with all things feminine, but I rarely dress anymore. I just feel content to be who I am.
Terri
OMG, ok Terri, you put into words exactly how I feel! I was worried that maybe I wasn't "trans" enough because I wasn't ready or planning on a social transition. May I ask, are you planning on eventually doing a social transition?
I've been on HRT for 1 year, and I had an orchiectomy in August. I still present as male, even though I look quite different.
"Real trans?" You are not the arbiter or gatekeeper of what is or isn't real trans.
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Quote from: WomanLikeAStar on October 10, 2015, 01:05:55 PM
Quote from: Autumnleaf on October 10, 2015, 12:54:27 PM
OMG, ok Terri, you put into words exactly how I feel! I was worried that maybe I wasn't "trans" enough because I wasn't ready or planning on a social transition. May I ask, are you planning on eventually doing a social transition?
Every real trans will eventually socially transition .
How can we live our authentic selves without socially transitioning?
I stay with my opinion : every real trans will socially transition . Transsexuality and I mean real transsexuality isn't something you can hide all your life . At least that's how I see it . I think that my coming out , socially , at 19 years old was already late . With my 19 I definitely already consider myself a late on set transitioner .
Cause being honest to ourselves we all know real transexuality means socially transitioning .