Hi, my name's Dante, I'm 15, and I swear I was on this forum before but oh well. It's probably been a while
I'm ready to come out to my mom, but every time I want to bring it up or go to talk to her about it, I just freeze up. I don't get up, and I don't say anything.
In a way I guess I don't want to add more stress for her, but I just wanna tell her finally.
I always hear to write a letter, but I have no idea how to have it formatted or anything really. I'm thinking of slipping it in her purse before she leaves for work one day, but I can feel the anxiety by just thinking about it.
Welcome to Susan's Place. If you have an idea for a letter, you can post it and we will review it for you. There are sample letters on the site you can use as is or alter to meet your needs. If you don't really understand something about how you feel or why you feel it, we would be happy to explain it to you. At one point in our life many of us had to do what your are going to do. Others up here still haven't made the decision to tell anybody yet and they are adults. We want to make it easy on you but it will be very hard. Just let us know what you need and we will try to provide it. Keep posting to this thread and we will be able to see your new post and respond to them. I hope everything works out well and I hope to be hearing more from you.
We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) |
*
Dante:
Most all of us have been where you are so let's work together to get you where you want to be with your mom and family.
I hope the brief bit I write here will help.
Allow me to begin by sharing what I did as an example.
I was into persistent feminine protesting beginning at age three (1959) and throughout my childhood and teen years. As such, I was always 'out' to my family. Unlike you, there was no big revelation other than the questions of 'When will it be the last time they see Nick?' (my male predecessor) and 'When will it be the first time they see Sharon?'
I told my mom my new name is Sharon one Saturday morning during visitation when I was 8 years old (1965). Instead of listening to me, she scolded me, 'You don't want that name, it's a girl's name.' 'No, Mom. I AM a girl, Mom. I'm gonna do it, Mom. I'm REALLY gonna do it!' was my usual reply.
So I asked my mom, years later after I finished all my transition, whether she reflected on her child's life and remembered that morning long ago. She told me that she had no memory of it. In other words, my mom did not think much of her own child who needed a parent.
I expect your mom is much better than mine. Nowadays, attitudes are better and parents are more likely understanding.
Yes, telling her can be tough. Maybe that note is a good idea if she can read it at a quiet place without disturbance. Maybe slip it under her pillow or with a book she is reading.
Maybe just a quick introduction note to start:
- 'Mom, we really need to talk about something very important. Let me know when we can do this in private.'
Then work on a longer note with the details that are important for you to express to her. You can give one copy of this longer note to her and read to her from your copy if that makes it easy so that you do not need to worry about forgetting the important points.
You care for her and seek her understanding. That's a good opening.
I hope this all works out well for you and your family.
Keep us posted on your progress. Thank you.
*
Dante, your writing is very clear and easy to understand.
Would you consider writing a letter to your mother telling you how you feel?
Thank you all for your advice. I'm currently writing a letter to her explaining it all in general and to research it if she has to before we talk about it in person and such. I'd love it if someone could proofread it for me once I finish it if anyone could. I really appreciate the help.
Sent from my C6530N using Tapatalk
Just post your letter up here and we will look at it.
This is the format my therapist suggested to me. It has worked well with my mom. Dad, not so much.
http://tgmentalhealth.com/2009/12/26/thoughts-on-coming-out-as-transgender-to-family/