So I decided since i'm living personal life as a women about 80% of the time now that I didn't want to wait to try dating as a transwoman. I figure that if I find a man now while I'm young then maybe I won't be alone through my transition. Anyway since guys who are into transwomen are hard to find i'm trying online dating. Recently I was hit on by a gay man and I was honestly hurt. I know you want men and I know I was born as one but for you to completley ignore the fact that I am a trans women and that my maleness was only a mistake of my genetics and one that I intend to fix was really hurtful. I am a women even if I don't have a vagina i still view myself as a women and for someone who is supposed to be my ally to completely ignore that for his own selfish desires was very hurtful and invalidating to me. Here is what I told him: " I actually just looked at your page and i'm actually offended. Do you not have any respect for the other members of your community. i am a woman. I may be pre-op but i am still a woman and i want to be treated that way. thats what being trans means. And for a gay man to have interest in me romantically or even sexually completely invalidates my wishes and desires. You want a man not a woman. You want me as a man. I'm actually really hurt by this. This isn't homophobic in the least so much as my being offended by your incredibly transphobic action. You can not want me as a man cause I am not a man. go look among men I don't even care if you want a straight man just don't think you can hit on me as a man cause I am not. I have been misgendered my whole life and I'll not take it from someone who is supposed to be an lgbt brother. Or is the T nonexistent to you. " Did I maybe over react? Do I even have a right to be mad. I know I pass I have never been clocked when out in public as a women so for him to do what he did was very confusing and hurtful to me.
P.S. his profile explicitly says he is gay.
I know straight ppl who have been attracted to same sex and gays who have occasionally gone for women.
Gay is a label and those labels are for boxes and we don't fit into boxed.
Who are you to tell him who he likes or why he is allowed to like them?
Just forget it, some guy thinks your hot, whoop, stop looking to be offended about everything or you know what? You will be and life being oversensitive about everything sucK's.
Let go.
Hello Ella!!!
First of all I believe you have the right to be hurt and offend by anyone trying to put their expectation on you(in your case he want to believe that you are a man). We can't help how we feel and I understand the way it happen certainly can be seen as offensive for us especially when you made it clear that you are a transwoman!
That say, I don't know what he told you or how it was said so it is hard to judge if he was deliberately offensive or not.
On the plus side you were hit on by someone regardless of sexual orientation, it still mean he was interest ;) .
Now I have to be the devil's advocate here; I know you said that he was gay but you must realise that like being transgender, sexual orientation is on a spectrum. Take me for example: I consider myself Pansexual homo-romantic but I used to think I was straight and later on bisexual with a lot of strange fetish ;D. While I don't know him at all I like to believe the best of everyone so maybe he was genuine in his interest at least I hope so!!!
I can be incredibly naïve about a lot of thing though and I hate to be confrontational or to hurt anyone feeling so I'm not the best to say if you over react but at least you were polite so that's enough for me! :angel:
Hugs!!! Émily
Hi Ella.
Men will be men; what can I say? lol But seriously, it gets a bit complicated as to what goes on in their whacky little brains sometimes and as to which head they are thinking with.
First off, labels are out with me. I have had sex but once or twice as a "guy", and one of those times I was slipped GHB and raped (I've been raped twice). Did those twerps want a "man" or a "woman"? Are they so afraid of a label themselves that they will seek out a trans woman, trying to convince themselves that they aren't gay or bi?
I have slept with a lot of men (and I do mean a LOT), and it was strictly for sex. Most of them were married, and the guys I still see now are married as well.
I find what you went through with the gay guy interesting, as most gay men that I know of want nothing to do with us.
In any case, if you want to private message me please feel free to do so; I'm interested as to which sites you are on for dating purposes. Just remember; that was just one guy; trust me, there are a lot of guys that seek a trans woman ; keep that in mind.
You be safe, sweetie. There are a lot of creeps out there.
Always,
Marlo