My parents are divorced. I have a step-mom, and my mom has a boyfriend. I really hate being a girl, but at this point, my dad won't let me do anything. He says I'll have to wait until I'm an adult to see if I really want this.
Of course, my dad knows. I asked him to tell my mom for me, and he said he would. I told him all the details.
I need some help on what to do while I wait for 6-8 years. It seems to get worse as I get older.
I struck puberty 2 years ago, before everyone else, just to let you know.
edit - personal info - Nero
Try talking to your school counsellor? Sometimes you hit a gem and they can help.
Dennis
Quote from: The_Unforgiven on September 19, 2007, 05:22:34 PM
My parents are divorced. I have a step-mom, and my mom has a boyfriend. I really hate being a girl, but at this point, my dad won't let me do anything. He says I'll have to wait until I'm an adult to see if I really want this.
Of course, my dad knows. I asked him to tell my mom for me, and he said he would. I told him all the details.
I need some help on what to do while I wait for 6-8 years. It seems to get worse as I get older.
I struck puberty 2 years ago, before everyone else, just to let you know.
edit - personal info - Nero
I
am legally an adult, but that hasn't stopped my parents from telling me I'm 'too young'. I wouldn't count of them 'letting' you do it ever. I'm not sure how old you are, but from your post I'd guess you're still too young to legally do anything without parental consent. That sucks that your dad doesn't want you to do it now, but I do think he might have a point about you being a bit young if this is something you have only come to realise recently. I had NO IDEA what my feelings were or meant until I was about 15/16. Then I just did what I could to be male, such as wearing men's clothes (which I had already been doing anyway), binding my breasts when I could (which wasn't often cause it hurt like hell) and hoping that I'd been seen as male outside of school/home. Now I've cut my hair and have a proper binder, use my preferred now in public and/or around people I don't know, and generally try my best to pass when I'm not at home/work. It's damn hard to have to wait for things like T and surgery, but as long as you can do some little things along the way, it definitely helps you stay sane.
You could try dressing, passing as male in public...its a good idea to start binding young so they don't grow so damn much : | See how it feels to be in public like that and be seen as male.
Other than that, ask if you can see a gender therapist, or a LGBT friendly therapist who could help you sort out your feelings. I'm with you on the not being able to wait until you're 18 thing...which is why I started transitioning at 16. Starting then paid off for me.
-Matt
Thanks for the ideas, I think my mom knows by now; my dad probably is talking to her right now on his way home from work. I've been this way for 2 years (since puberty) and it gets worse as time goes on. I don't know what my parents would say about me trying to pass as a boy in public, although the few times someone mistakes me for a boy, I feel great. My breast is already pretty big; 36 B.
Could anyone tell me how I could 'bind' them? I tried sports bras, and I wear them all the time, but my breast is still huge. Can anyone help?
Abdominal binders (found in the exercise dept.)
Ace bandages (make sure you can still breathe)
Underworks binders (www.underworks.com, i recommend the tri top)
multiple layers of sports bras, with a compression shirt, then your regular clothes
WHATEVER YOU DO; DON'T USE TAPE
Thanks, I'll look into those. Even if I can't pass as a boy at school, it will be nice not to have them in the way, and I'm a boy character for Halloween. I might try going to the game store like that, it would be fun. As for my parents, they'll just have to deal with it, because I want to be who I want to be, and no one has the right to change that. Thanks for all your help.
Anybody know how to get a hold of boys' clothes without going straight into the mens' section? I can't really go in there without attracting a whole bunch of stares, and besides that, I see a whole bunch of guys from my school in those stores. I tried thrift stores, but they don't have much in the way of clothes.
I wonder if my parents would buy me boys' clothes...
Oh, and my dad talked to my mom, and she said it was ok, and that she understands why that might be hard to say. She says I can talk to her anytime.
I'm happy I have understanding parents.
You're VERY lucky to have such understanding parents, especially considering your age.
As for clothes, what do you wear now? I got away with it because my mum gave up fighting with me to wear girls' clothes at a very young age, and automatically took me to the boys'/boy-ish section in the shops. XD Although I did start out just trying to wear androgynous clothing, which helped a lot until I passed well enough to not be nervous going to the men's on my own.
Order clothes from the catalogue. *thumbs up*
I felt odd shopping in the men's department pre transition but now I feel like I belong there and no one's staring. Your peers will find out sooner or later, so bite the bullet and shop in the men's section :P
Quote from: The_Unforgiven on September 20, 2007, 10:40:23 PM
Thanks, I'll look into those. Even if I can't pass as a boy at school, it will be nice not to have them in the way, and I'm a boy character for Halloween. I might try going to the game store like that, it would be fun. As for my parents, they'll just have to deal with it, because I want to be who I want to be, and no one has the right to change that. Thanks for all your help.
Anybody know how to get a hold of boys' clothes without going straight into the mens' section? I can't really go in there without attracting a whole bunch of stares, and besides that, I see a whole bunch of guys from my school in those stores. I tried thrift stores, but they don't have much in the way of clothes.
I wonder if my parents would buy me boys' clothes...
Oh, and my dad talked to my mom, and she said it was ok, and that she understands why that might be hard to say. She says I can talk to her anytime.
I'm happy I have understanding parents.
I wouldn't worry too much about shopping in the boy's section. A lot of girls I know shop in that section cause they like the way the cloths look on them. right now there is a lot of freedom in that area. Be confident and buy what you want and no one will give you a second look. Also consider that people may stare at you for reasons other than where you are shopping. Don't assume they are staring at you because they "figured you out" Likely it is something completly different, like they like the top you are wearing, or they think you are attractive.
Best wishes
Mila
Quote from: The_Unforgiven on September 20, 2007, 10:40:23 PM
Anybody know how to get a hold of boys' clothes without going straight into the mens' section? I can't really go in there without attracting a whole bunch of stares,
Mm. You are either feeling a bit paranoid and anxious, or you live in bizzarro world. In some fifteen years of being an 'it's some skinny little tosser, no wait it's a female in men's clothes' (or to some, an 'it's some little tosser, no wait, what is that?') and shopping exclusively in men's departments, I have never been stared at or challenged in that area of the store, or in the men's dressing rooms. Maybe I'm going to the wrong stores.
People probably won't notice you (in the words of John Pryne: "It ain't easy to sing in public. You think everybody's sittin' over there thinkin', 'Heh-heh-heh, lookit that doughnut over there, singing,' but they ain't thinkin' about you. They're all thinkin' that everybody's staring at them...") and even if they do, does it matter? Maybe they'll think you're a dyke, but probably they'll just figure you're shopping for your brother. Maybe they'll think you're an FtM spectrum person. Whoop.
Thanks. I tried to shop in the Mens' section today, but by the time I was going to do it, we had to leave.
I got some Ace Bandaging today, could someone tell me exactly how to put it on? Do I wear a sports bra under it, or do I just wear the bandaging? I need to figure out a way to bind my breast efficiently.
Eh, ace bandages don't hold up well on the discomfort-to-effectiveness scale.
The idea with any binder is to push your breasts apart and flat and hold them there. If you have a pair of support-hose or tights around you can cut out the crotch and cut off the legs and make a little binder-shirt, or cut a leg and wear it over your chest. If you're small, it might work pretty well. If you're not, it will at least hold the breasts in a down-and-out position while you wrap up with the ace bandages. Remember to let yourself breathe, and get something better soon.
If you plug 'binder' into the site's search-function you'll find lots of advice about which ready-made ones to buy and how to make some better homemade ones.
Thanks, I think I'll try the panty-hoes idea. I'm a 36B, so I'll just use them to hold my breast in place while I bind them with the bandage. I don't know when I'll be able to 'pass' as a boy in public, but it really will be fun as long as someone doesn't figure me out.
Also I had a few other questions. They're a little bit off topic, and I'm not sure if you guys will be able to answer them, but I'll take a shot.
My breast is really strange. I have huge red lines underneath them, along with a few blood blisters. They are always itchy right underneath. Also, my breasts have stretch marks on them. Is this normal? Or should I get it checked out? It's been like that for pretty much as long as I can remember. And just to clarify, I am a natural girl.
With a B you might be able to get away with a compression-type sport's bra like a Title-9 'Frog'. Maybe not. Depends on how squishy they are and how picky you are. Wearing a button-down men's shirt will help, and so will a tie -- aside from being male-markers, the vertical line down your torso will visually minimize any slight prominance at your chest. Passing in t-shirts his harder.
My breasts have stretch marks on them. This is because they appeared there overnight like some malignant fairy had waved the titty-wand at me while I was asleep. They grew so fast that the skin didn't have time to adapt. That's pretty normal. I know guys who've got them on the fronts of their shoulders from when they grew broad shoulders all the sudden, and people of both sexes with them on their hips, from growing big hips in some cases and from growing suddenly taller in others.
The blood blisters and the itching you should get looked at, though.
Ok, I'll get that looked at soon then. My whole body has a tendency of getting really itchy, but it's itchiest right there.
If I can ever have SRS surgery, will I have stretch marks on my chest because of the fact that I had stretch marks on my breast? That seems kind of a strange thought to me.
Depends on where the stretch marks are and which type of surgery you get- there are several ways to remove the breast tissue. I had lots of stretch marks, but they were mostly above the nipple which is where they make the incision so most of the skin that had marks ended up being removed. No more stretch marks!
Hmm.... Well, my stretch marks are above the nipple too, so I guess the stretch marks would be removed. Cool.
Did you have a full SRS, or did you just remove your breast?
Posted on: September 24, 2007, 04:56:17 PM
Sorry for the double-post.
I binded my breast with the bandage that I bought. I am very pleased! I can barely tell that I have a breast, and it feels good.
It's a little bit harder to breathe, but I still can easily.
I have a question. The bandage makes line imprints on my shirt, is there any way to smooth the bandage out more so that it won't do that?
Thanks for all your help!
I just had a mastectomy.
Buy undershirts. They usually come in packs of 3-5 in a tank top or t-shirt style, white or black or grey. They're more common in the men's department. But they will hide any lines from your binding methods. If you're using ace bandages- be REALLY careful. If you have ANY trouble breathing, even slightly, take them off. The whole point of ace bandages is to get tighter if you can move (hence why they're used for immobilizing joints) so the more you breathe, the tighter they get.
Thanks, I'll remember that. I'll go to the store and by different bandages then. I'll go this weekend.
I'll get a pack of undershirts too, thanks for the tip.
Yeah, I think someone earlier in the thread mentioned abdominal binders? You can find them in most stores- even drug stores (bartell, CVS, londons, whatever is local). They're usually by the braces for your wrists and ankles and stuff. They're not terribly comfortable, but they won't cause the kind of damage as an ACE bandage would. And they're cheap.
I thought about it, and I want to get one, but I can't summon up the courage to buy them. But I will try. I'll check Longs and Kmart this weekend for them. Now I have a lot of stuff to do this weekend!
Somehow I'm doubting that the drug stores here will have any, but it's worth a shot.
Posted on: September 24, 2007, 10:11:00 PM
Thanks for your offer Lane. Sorry I couldn't send you a message back; the site said I couldn't send personal messages.
If you can, send me another personal message with your email in it. I'll email you so we can go over something.
Thank you so much!!! This will help out a ton!
Sure thing!
I sent you an email, Lane. Just to let you know.
Quote from: Lane on September 24, 2007, 01:02:12 PM
Depends on where the stretch marks are and which type of surgery you get- there are several ways to remove the breast tissue. I had lots of stretch marks, but they were mostly above the nipple which is where they make the incision so most of the skin that had marks ended up being removed. No more stretch marks!
Eep! I just read back over this. I don't know if I was tired or what- my stretch marks were
below the nipple mostly, and to the sides which is where the majority of the tissue is removed. I must have been thinking that the ones on top also disappeared. My guess is that it's because I don't have heavy weights on my chest weighing down my skin and stretching it to make the stretch marks prominent anymore, cause they're gone.
So sorry! I got it backwards.
Thanks to Lane, I now have a binder. I tried it on today, and it works very well. I hope that when I try it out in public, it will let me pass.
I also got a much needed haircut today. It's now a rocker kinda look, and I really like it. It makes my face look manlier. I'll post a picture when I get one.
Posted on: October 02, 2007, 09:38:21 PM
My newest topic is Passing Time. Please take a look.