I have a friend who I can talk with when I'm low, or just to vent to. I'm reminded that I'm not blind, missing a limb, or some other handicap. I know I'm lucky to have had a good physical life overall, but why am I reminded how lucky I am? Since I was 5, I have a gender that does not match my given body, everyday I have struggled with this, my brain has wasted so much energy for 50 years dealing with this, is this not considered a handicap?
My mother was blind, I cried so many tears throughout my childhood to will her sight again, if I had been her daughter, I know I would have taken better care of her, she died slowly from a terrible disease, again, if I was the daughter I am now, I would have been much more attentive to her in those final years.
Thanks for listening
Love you
Chrissy
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I don't like to think of it as a handicap myself. It makes things harder certainly but it in and of itself would not be debilitating if it wasn't for the bigoted zealots who choose to make life hell for anyone that doesn't fit into their box.
They are the ones handicapped, lacking compassion and empathy. Moving through life unable to see the humanity in other people. Seeing them only as external threats to some imagined paradise. What miserable shriveled up souls they are.
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Also, I feel the pain you feel towards what your mother went through. Mine spent her last two years in a bed in my house with a combination of dementia and COPD. Relatives tell me I did such a great thing and all I feel is a nagging guilt that I should have done better.
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I took care of my mother on and off for 20 years, the last 12 24/7. I always said to her that she should have had a daughter instead of me. My mother loved me and was grateful for everything I did. But I always felt I could have done more.
I am sure your mother was grateful for everything you did for her.
Hugs, Chrissy. I hear how hard it was to feel helpless in the face of your mother's blindness and suffering.
I too think it is INFURIATING when I'm unhappy about something and someone tries to remind me how "lucky" I am.
If it helps you to see being transgender as a handicap, please allow yourself that comfort. We all get to frame our lives in whatever way makes them easiest for us to understand.
Realize, though, that you can do that without needing anyone else to see it in that same way. Make sense?
I appreciate you kindness and loving words to ease my mind
Chrissy
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I too took care of my Dad and Mom. I feel guilty that I could have done something different or more. It is natural when you give so much to think you could have done more. I was a good to them and attentive to their needs.
I take care of my mom now and her memory is affected by dementia and she is understanding and helpful, but she does slip with gender and name as a result of the dementia. I can see how some might view it as a handicap, but I don't feel that it is. I'm put at an a disadvantage when I started but that is because I had to play catch up on those things CIS learn young. Hugs
Mariah
the subject of "its not like your handicaped!" is so very toxic. It stems from people seeing mental and emotional conditions as not serious or at least not as serious as physical ones. If someone has a bad cold and calls into work everyone finds it totally reasonable. If you try calling in with depression or extream anxiety everyone thinks your faking or your exagerating how truly awful it can feel "we all feel down some days!" "tough it out the week will get better" "your boss didn't fire you for calling in sick?" statements like that prove they don't truly understand just how difficult mental/emotional issues can be to deal with and how serious they can strike you.
Serena, who wants to sleep forever. Hopefully Monday will be better.
Hopefully you will think of your transition more than a handicap. I have lupus with several other immune issues with masses and fibrosis everywhere. To me my transition keeps that handicap in check, or spending nights sick and in pain would not be worth it. It's where can this transition take me to next is what I use it for. I get to enjoy a whole new life as a gender I always put off. I'm now putting my handicap on hold:)
My mom died 3 years ago, in 45 days from breast cancer. Like you, I wonder what more I could have done for her. I built a place she only spent a month in, I gave her my pain meds when my brother stole hers, I even bought her pot the week before she died, even though her pot card showed up the day she died! But the best thing I did for her was hold her hand and tell her I lover her as she died:( it hurts remembering that, but I don't think being the opposite gender would have helped her any better. I think you helped her the best way you ever could have.. like me, you will just not think it was enough..
Use your transgender as a handicap if you must, but you should have been handicapped before this and now you are cured? Yea, it's not perfect, but would you prefer to go back and be unhappy? Me, I would have ended it by now.. I'm not ashamed to say it. The pain sucks most of the time, drugs suck, not being able to breath sucks, but the journey this transtion has brought to me has gave me new life! Or enough to block out the bad most of the time.. I hope it does for you too someday:)
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Personally I do consider being trans a handicap, just not a visible one.
It prevents me from leading a normal life, makes relationships and sex exceedingly difficult, and I'm quite sure has rendered me allergic to the thought of reproduction. Sure, I can walk, talk, see, and do most of the things the average non-handicapped can do, but it is like 500% harder to do the things most people really desire in life - either to have kids, have a stable loving relationship/marriage, etc. and I'll probably die alone at this rate.
I've spoken to cis people about being trans or about living a life without being able to have sex properly and asked them is that would be a life worth living. You can guess the answer from most of them...
I've just had to figure a way to live without those things being quite so important. It's not difficult, given my personality, but at times I do remember how differently I see the world and my life goals because of what I'm not able to have so easily on account of my condition. This doesn't apply to all trans people of course, but I am speaking of my own experience.
I may have this handicap, but I will find other things to live for. :)
I don't see what golf has to do with being transgender.