I've hit rock bottom in my life. I have no career, no real friends, no family and no love life.
I've spent the past 2 years looking for a job as a certified teacher. There have been many interviews, but I never get hired. I have a feeling that many principals don't want to hire me because I'm a transsexual woman. This fact about myself is impossible to hide because of the police background check.
My family has disowned me since my transition, and the friends I still have only gossip about me (they go around telling everyone that I'm transsexual) or backstab me. And don't get me started on my pathetic love life. When I tell a guy that I'm dating that I'm transgender, I get instantly rejected.
I'm not sure what to do anymore. I'm asking for some real advice. Please help. What can I do about my career or life in general? Should I keep my friends or move on?
Hi Pink_cotton, I think its hard for anyone to give a definite answer to your question but I would say this and hope it helps.
If you are unhappy with your situation then change it,
so how do I do that? is normally the next part of the question,
by making one small change(sit in a different seat on the train or bus) and see what transpires,
then make another bigger change... for example you could change where you eat your lunch.
This act in itself may not get you to where you want to go or be, but it might be the catalyst for an even bigger change and then suddenly along comes an opportunity, things do look bright again.
Personally I have done this many times throughout my life and eventually things do change or the change you make , makes them change.
Sarah T
honestly? have you considered moving? there are places in the world where discriminating against a trans woman is much more frowned upon
if you truly feel like you have nothing going for you maybe you should consider making a big life change with regards to your living situation
This! ^^^ Moving to California was the best decision I have ever made because people treated me like any normal human being for a change. My job was supportive, I made friends, and found new options for my life... Perhaps you should take a look at taking a couple year sabbatical to get a new perspective on your life... It has done me wonders.
If you are up front with guys before you start dating that you're trans, it changes everything. For meeting people offline, you should tell them on the first or second date. I know it has completely changed my experience dating, because now if a guy and I are going out and he can't handle that I'm out and proud about being trans then he is the one with a problem. The last guy who had an issue with it was apologizing to me about it. Compared to the first guy to have a problem after I told him a month into our relationship and I was bawling and felt worthless, and you'll see that it still sucks, but not nearly as much.
Give your family time to come around they may need a year or two, but if they see you happy and settled and still can't accept you then you're better off without them. Your real family will become the people who prop you up, not the ones that tear you down.
Confront the friends that are creating problems for you. They aren't real friends if they out you without your permission. Only spend time with the people you can enjoy and have fun with. You may just need to associate with a new group of people. Go out, be open to meeting new people, and as open about your status as is safe. Forget about what some jerks may say behind your back, you can't control how other people think or react to you. You can only control how much you accept yourself.
I know it can be hard being trans 100% of the time, so find a way to just be you and let go. Whether it's dancing or exercise or exploring new things or whatever. Reading and watching tv are great to disassociate, but you want to associate with that starving for attention girl inside you and nurture your inner self.
When you feel bad and want to quit trying so hard to get employment or boyfriends or better friends, remember this forum and feel free to ask us for our advice or even just a kind listening ear. If you'd like to PM me to talk or whatever, I'm totally willing to help when I have the time. Good luck.
Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Thank you so much for your kind words everyone.
I am going to try to change a few things in my life.
I think the major thing that helped me is my own acceptance of my self and my reason for transitioning. Having a solid rationality for what your doing makes the train unstoppable.
Best advice I can give is run away. Move a few thousand miles and you'll be at least a little bit happier. I feel your pain on not having any family or friends.
Quote from: pink_cotton on October 19, 2015, 10:53:04 PM
I've hit rock bottom in my life. I have no career, no real friends, no family and no love life.
I've spent the past 2 years looking for a job as a certified teacher. There have been many interviews, but I never get hired. I have a feeling that many principals don't want to hire me because I'm a transsexual woman. This fact about myself is impossible to hide because of the police background check.
My family has disowned me since my transition, and the friends I still have only gossip about me (they go around telling everyone that I'm transsexual) or backstab me. And don't get me started on my pathetic love life. When I tell a guy that I'm dating that I'm transgender, I get instantly rejected.
I'm not sure what to do anymore. I'm asking for some real advice. Please help. What can I do about my career or life in general? Should I keep my friends or move on?
Friends that backstab you, go behind your back, or are just mean aren't your friends. You shouldn't be around that kind of negativity, it's not going to help you live a positive and fulfilling life.
Not sur where you live, but most states have laws to protect people from discrimination. If you feel like you aren't getting jobs because your are transgender, you might have room to fight back. Or like others have said, maybe moving to a new city that is a little more open minded to transgenders.
I may not be in the same boat as you, but in my life I don't have many friends, and I'm not sure how the friends I do have will react when I come out. But with this new live I'm starting, I'm hoping to make new friends. How I'm approaching it is trying TG support groups, get myself out there in the community and see if and friendships happen or not. I'm looking forward to this, no matter how scary it is. I'm going to my first support group meeting tonight, so keeping my fingers crossed :)
Hang in there, there's always light at the end of the tunnel, it's up to you to move it closer. Try surrounding yourself with positive people, who want to love you as you. Do you have a therapist that you can talk to, to help guide you through the rough patches? If not, it might help.
Plus you have everyone on these forums to help you too.