I'm sorry if this post is inapropriate tell me and I will delete it, but I am genuinely curious.
I didn't fully come out yet, despite having been transitioning little by little for a good while now. It's getting harder to pass as male now, which I am absolutely ok with, but I still have trouble using public restrooms. The other day we had to drive into the country so I could find a bush because I was feeling super shy and couldn't do at the petrol station.
How do you overcome this fear? My wife tells me I look super passable but I suffer social anxiety and get super super shy :/ I can't hide like this for the rest of my life ugh..
Should I use the disabled bathroom first or should I go straight for the female bathroom? I am so scared about how other women are going to react. My wife offered me to go in with me in case somebody tried to be stupid, which I really apreciated, but still couldn't do it.
This is the 2nd day that we try to go out and I chicken out. Last week I was feeling super confident, I was doing great. We were going out almost every evening for a drive and some coffee but then I needed to pee and I just couldn't do it. I felt stupid and super sad.
Leaving the house is already difficult for me, I feel like everybody is looking at me. Why am I feeling so self conscious when it feels so right to be myself at the same time? existential questions..
There is no problem with the post. The first few times you use a new bathroom can be hard on the nerves. I always checked to make sure I was entering the correct bathroom because I feared walking into the wrong one. The only way to get over the nerves is to keep using the ladies room and over time you will be come more relaxed. I don't know if you have run into it yet but the ladies room is a social gathering place and it's really hard when you walk in and about 10 women are standing there engaged in conversation blocking your way to the stalls. When that happens, you just work your way around the edge and do what needs to be done. They will ignore you if you don't engage them in conversation.
Just remember you are a woman and you are in the bathroom to pee just like any of the other women who are in there. As for using the handicap bathroom, the places I go don't have a separate room as it's part of the female bathroom. I really haven't seen unisex bathrooms in public areas.
Clara - I don't want to come off as minimizing your fear, but you got this! You can certainly pass, and you have spousal support. Will people look? Doubt it. Will they "know"? Doubt it. When was the last time you paid any attention to anyone in the ladies room? Don't give it a second thought. Good Luck!!! xo - Holly
You'll be fine, you look great! I use the ladies room at work on the 1st and 2nd floor of my building where nobody knows me. You could say I'm still presenting as male at work, but I'm not really, haha. The only thing I'm missing is my bra, and there are plenty of women with flat chests in this world. It's all about attitude. There's no need to make eye contact, but keep your head up and act like you're supposed to be in there. Nobody is paying attention to you unless you intentionally draw attention to yourself by doing something other than "acting like everything is normal." Pretend you're in the men's room exactly where you're supposed to be. Do your thing, wash your hands, check your makeup, and get out of there. Carrying a purse and lip gloss helps I think. It helps with my confidence anyways.
fear is a normal human condition - you can conquer this one especially with spousal support - go with her a few times to help ease into it - soon you will be an old pro and have new fears to conquer
be well
jenifer
It is really scary the first few times. My first was when I asked direction to the rest room and ended up looking at mens on the door. I went in directly to a stall and sat down and went I had to go so bad I probably couldn't of held it 30 sec more. Then it hit me what I had done, but had to get up, wash my hands and left. I guess I look like a guy when the woman I asked directed me to the men's. It was still scary to go in the men's for a long while. I now use the men's in a building where I am very unlikely to see anyone I know.
This is quite normal. My initial outings were based upon how far I was from a washroom I could use. We would be having a great time and then it became a "run for the border"!
After a while I found the courage to use the female bathroom (I really had to!) and you know what? Nothing happened! No one yelled out "it's a man" or made a fuss, in fact I don't think anyone noticed. Now the fear factor didn't go away overnight but it eventually did. Only once I was challenged when a woman said to me, "it's the women's washroom". I was fully dressed and just held up the key with the woman's outline I had been given and said, "I'm a woman too." Since then, no problems and now it is as easy as walking into your house, even if I have to wait in line like the other ladies.
Same thing about leaving the house. My blood pressure must have been sky high as my heart felt like it was beating a 1000 beats a minute. Guess what? Over time it has become nothing! I used to go out only at night and now it's broad daylight. I remember my first few outings. If I had been stranded on a desert island for a month and had to dress as a woman to go into a restaurant for food I would not have done it. Now I'm in there just like every one else. Over time you'll gain more confidence.
Love,
Clare
Public restrooms implies that the users are representative of the clientele. A lot less nerve wracking approach to get your feet wet (sorry, couldn't resist) would be off peak hours in a nice not so big restaurant. When nature calls you and your wife go together. Perhaps even look for a bigger chain type place that has a gender inclusive policy? Not sure if there are any yet here in the states.
As others have said, and I agree, from what I see you have far less to fear then 6ft tall gal does. And I do use petrol stations restrooms in addition to classy ones without ever having an issue.
I've used the ladies rm in male mode a few times,it was either use it or have a accident,nothing was said.I done the mens rm dressed a few times but prefer the ladies rm alot cleaner.
Dear Clara:
You look fabulous . . . not to worry how the world sees you.
Also, the first public bathroom visit was a biggie for me. Big restaurant, Fri night crush, longgg line, . . . Thought I would die!!! A cute little girl came up to me and showed me her doll while waiting with her mom. It was a precious moment. I finally peed and the sun came up right on time the next morning.
Good luck and stay in touch here,
Rachel
Quote from: clarabrown on October 26, 2015, 10:13:54 PM
I'm sorry if this post is inapropriate tell me and I will delete it, but I am genuinely curious.
I didn't fully come out yet, despite having been transitioning little by little for a good while now. It's getting harder to pass as male now, which I am absolutely ok with, but I still have trouble using public restrooms. The other day we had to drive into the country so I could find a bush because I was feeling super shy and couldn't do at the petrol station.
How do you overcome this fear? My wife tells me I look super passable but I suffer social anxiety and get super super shy :/ I can't hide like this for the rest of my life ugh..
Should I use the disabled bathroom first or should I go straight for the female bathroom? I am so scared about how other women are going to react. My wife offered me to go in with me in case somebody tried to be stupid, which I really apreciated, but still couldn't do it.
This is the 2nd day that we try to go out and I chicken out. Last week I was feeling super confident, I was doing great. We were going out almost every evening for a drive and some coffee but then I needed to pee and I just couldn't do it. I felt stupid and super sad.
Leaving the house is already difficult for me, I feel like everybody is looking at me. Why am I feeling so self conscious when it feels so right to be myself at the same time? existential questions..
You look fabulous. Gracious, I would not think anything of using the women's room if I were you!!! It reminds me of one of the first times I used the rest room in public. I was in the office building of my therapist. She has been a life saver and I love her dearly. I told her I needed to go and she offered to accompany me, which she did. It was memorable and we both still joke about it. It was a little thing, but her trust and help at that point was very important to me. Blessings, Sheila
I've started to use the men's room in my office building, and I always have a little spike of anxiety right before I go in, but I'm getting used to it. Still don't use the men's in the building where I lecture - too worried about students' reactions. So I either hold it or use one of the rooms reserved for lecturers.
I also felt very scared at the prospect of changing restrooms around a year ago; basically people read me as female at a distance but once close enough, or at least when I started speaking, I was easily clockable. The turning point for me was when a guy tried showing me the way to the right restroom as I went into a men's one. I remember thinking that if this gentleman read me as female, some less gentle male could too. Or worse, a less gentle male could read me as trans.
The next few months, since I was still not confident that I wouldn't get comments in the women's restroom (or worse, be spoken to and having to answer - I still fear that situation, but my voice is a lot better now; it happened a few days ago and the other woman didn't clock me, even though she didn't see me as she was in a booth), I opted for HC or other solitary restrooms whenever possible. Even though going to the HC restroom felt a bit stigmatizing, to be honest many people on my campus do that simply because the other restrooms are full, or just because they prefer to be alone. There is also no law or regulation forbidding non-handicapped people from using them, where I live.
The next turning point was finding myself in a situation with no available neutral options. Using the men's room was out of the question, so since after as while I couldn't hold my bladder I decided to use the women's room. And it went perfectly well. No glances, no comments. I still chose neutral options whenever possible for a few more months, but after a while, having used the women's restrooms in everything from shopping malls to nightclubs without receiving so much as a glance, I stopped using the HC restrooms altogether. On my campus, some people who recognize me from before have thrown me glances, but they weren't negative, more like a subtle smile saying "Wow, you've changed" - I hadn't seen that student since before I started transitioning. And the people I've hung out with almost daily throughout the whole process, act perfectly natural around me if they see me there too.
This approach worked well for me, but of course it's a compromise - I didn't like using the HC restrooms, but at the time it was more practical and less humiliating than my fear of being clocked in a non-solitary restroom. That said, you have every right to use the restroom you feel comfortable with, and I was probably overly cautious, as several female friends told me that they wouldn't even have given it a second thought if they saw me in the women's room, even if we were strangers. I needed the extra confidence of knowing I pass fairly well before I felt comfortable switching entirely, but for many, using the HC restroom feels too humiliating, and it's perfectly okay to choose either way. I think you should choose what you feel comfortable with.
I'm still in limbo regarding wardrobes, by the way - I train martial arts, and several of the women in my dojo (we train in two different student gyms on campus, so it's not just us in the wardrobes), including my instructor, have said they wouldn't care if I used the women's wardrobe, but since I usually have to switch to another gaff after training because it gets sweaty (I train tucked), I don't feel comfortable changing there as long as I still have that thing between my legs. So in the gym we use for beginners classes, I change in the HC wardrobe, and in the other, since there is no solitary wardrobe, I change in a HC restroom. Not ideal (for one, there are no lockers there, so I have to carry everything I have with me to the dojo), but it works. I'm getting tired of it though, so I have considered just finding some way to change my gaff without exposing my genitals, but since I'll probably have SRS in less than a year, I'll probably just try and be patient and switch wardrobes once the problem is out of the way.
thank you all for the warm responses!!! <3 it did help me gain confidence, a lot of it. haha.
Ok so I used the female bathroom three times, with my wife as a bodyguard outside the stall. Feet facing the door, sitting down, perfect!
love you all x
Clara
Quote from: clarabrown on November 08, 2015, 04:57:30 PM
thank you all for the warm responses!!! <3 it did help me gain confidence, a lot of it. haha.
Ok so I used the female bathroom three times, with my wife as a bodyguard outside the stall. Feet facing the door, sitting down, perfect!
love you all x
Clara
I've thought about this issue myself. I honestly i can't wait. If the avatar picture is you then you are good looking. Have no fear and your so is gonna have to fight the men off. 😇
Your fricken smoking hot. I would love to be as hot and passable as you.
Quote from: clarabrown on November 08, 2015, 04:57:30 PM
thank you all for the warm responses!!! <3 it did help me gain confidence, a lot of it. haha.
Ok so I used the female bathroom three times, with my wife as a bodyguard outside the stall. Feet facing the door, sitting down, perfect!
love you all x
Clara
Good job girl!
In 2014 I overcame my fear of using the ladies restrooms. I used to not wait on long lines for fear of being outed but no longer. No one gives it a thought. A few times I was complimented on my attire.
:)
Been there, done that and got the blouse!
When I first started going out, I felt the whole world knew but you know what? They didn't and no one seemed to care. Over time it got to be so comfortable I never gave it a thought.
Same thing with using the ladies room. If you're dressed like a woman then I say go for it. It helped me to have someone go with me to scope the situation out for a while but now it's as normal as ever. Generally people don't make eye contact although I have found the women tend to be a bit more chatty than men ever are. Things like where did you get the skirt, purse etc. The other week 4 women were cutting up someone and said things like "did you see her ear rings? So bright they almost blinded me. What was she thinking?"
So far no one has talked with me. I just go in, do what I need to do and if it's not too busy, I might fix my hair and lipstick, but other than that, I'm out. Some women have looked but no one has ever said anything.
My initial outings were based on how far I was from a washroom that I could use. A number of things were cut short by the call of nature. If I could go back I would because I missed some good events.
I understand your fears but trust me, it gets easier over time and really, no one seems to look at anyone.
Love,
Clare
I was about to ask this very question... Thanks for all the great responses
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