Hey ! Anyone there was disliked by almost everyone before transitioning?
I come off as a weird guy... I haven't transitioned yet. Just came to terms that I might be MTF (like more than 50% at least)...
I noticed that people hate me... I don't have a lot of self-confidence. Like I seek a lot of attention (like women do in nature - read this in a lot of female vs male psychology books. Funny thing however is that I read most MTF get along with females before transitioning... Maybe once I transition they wouldn't because my confidence is more than of a woman and they might see me as one? I don't know. Even women despise me at the moment. It like amazes me haha... I'm a nice guy but the the one that is extra nice like sucking up to people.
I was told befre that I talk a lot of nonsese.. started to think that either I'm slower than most IQ EQ related.. or it's related somehow to dysphoria which I never knew I had (just thought it was anxiety which kicked in around 16, before that I said stupid things still)... I don't know. When I say them it doesn't sound stupid to me. Maybe I'm those unfortunate people with that personality peoplr just hate. I mean it happens to me towards some other people and I know its not their fault... but you can't just avoid disliking them knoe ehat I mean?
You have somewhat described a portion of my life. In my teens, I was a nerd plain and simple. I was interested in science , science fiction and wanted to know more about my transsexualism. I found a friend that I could share my first two interest in but the third I was on my own. By that age, girls considered me a sexual predator for no reason and the ones who didn't, considered me very unattractive so scratch friendships with girls. The boys were off playing baseball, foot ball or basket ball, of which I had no interest so scratch friendships with almost all of the other boys. Was I disliked, not really but to pretty much everybody else I didn't exist.
My high school reunion was last week end and of about 500 classmates, about 70 attended and of those 70, I knew two. One probably wouldn't handle the new me very well and the other I didn't really know that well so I spent the night of the reunion on Susan's moderating. I can't blame it on anybody other than myself but in my case it was pretty much the only option open to me.
Hi,
You don't mention your age, but one thing I need to ask is are you sure that everyone hates you? Have they actually said that they hate you and don't want you around? Or does it just seem that way. If you are a teenager then it can be very tough. Like Dena I was also a big nerd (I'm a PhD in the sciences right now so I guess I still am), and when you're in high school with all of the cliques and whatnot it can be very difficult to find a place. Regardless of age you're not the only person who may have trouble making friends, so maybe you could try seeking them out. I'm not sure what your interests are but if you're into gaming/rpgs you can probably find a group to join either online or through a local game store (plus if you transition you'll have a place where you can be the prettiest girl in the room ;)).
I don't think I've actually met anyone who everyone hates. It seems more likely your mistaken.
I'd say its possible to be someone no one likes, if you managed to withdraw from everyone or had so few interactions with people that you missed out by bad luck. That's very different to hating, its just not knowing.
I've found in life that most people are pretty civil towards one another. I walk with a cane and sure once in a while a random jerk will be a jerk. I was going through a revolving door once and some idiot purposely held the door for a second and I almost went down. Then I was walking down the street in the winter and a women just walking by saw my coat unzipped and zipped it up for me without me saying or asking. I think unless your provoking some one the majority of people are pretty descent or even go out of their way to be nice. I'm pretty amazed at the random acts of kindness from absolute random strangers because of my disability. I could be the worse evil person on earth , but no one has the slightest idea that I'm like that until they get to know me. I think its reaching pretty far to say that there is absolutely no one out there in the world that doesn't see your in inner worth and beauty.
Aside from a very small circle of geeky guy friends (think "Freaks and Geeks") I was almost universally disliked in school and college, until I was about 20 years old. During my teens I was a target for just about every form of abuse imaginable, from physical bullying to insults to nasty practical jokes.
Somewhere around 20 I figured out how to act like a guy. I curbed the attention seeking behaviors, talked a lot less, focused on sports and physical fitness and all of a sudden I had a girlfriend, was one of the most popular guys around, and people listened to me.
But the other thing is, by 20, most of the people around me had grown up enough to stop picking on each other and focus on living their own lives.
Quote from: AnonyMs on October 31, 2015, 01:52:45 PM
I don't think I've actually met anyone who everyone hates. It seems more likely your mistaken.
I'd say its possible to be someone no one likes, if you managed to withdraw from everyone or had so few interactions with people that you missed out by bad luck. That's very different to hating, its just not knowing.
Agree with this 100%. Having been in the past a withdrawn person myself I can account for the fact if you hide yourself away from direct contact with people and feel like you don't fit in then it does indeed seem like everyone hates you. I'd say the most likely scenario is that people either are extremely indifferent towards you or at the worst probably think you are a bit weird and don't know how to relate with you so don't bother, they've got their own life to deal with after all. Working on your interpersonal skills is absolutely the only way to improve the situation. Being open and friendly and dropping the mistaken belief that they hate you is really the only way to move through this.
Quote from: needhelp on October 31, 2015, 12:11:14 PM
Hey ! Anyone there was disliked by almost everyone before transitioning?
I come off as a weird guy... I haven't transitioned yet. Just came to terms that I might be MTF (like more than 50% at least)...
I noticed that people hate me... I don't have a lot of self-confidence. Like I seek a lot of attention (like women do in nature - read this in a lot of female vs male psychology books. Funny thing however is that I read most MTF get along with females before transitioning... Maybe once I transition they wouldn't because my confidence is more than of a woman and they might see me as one? I don't know. Even women despise me at the moment. It like amazes me haha... I'm a nice guy but the the one that is extra nice like sucking up to people.
I was told befre that I talk a lot of nonsese.. started to think that either I'm slower than most IQ EQ related.. or it's related somehow to dysphoria which I never knew I had (just thought it was anxiety which kicked in around 16, before that I said stupid things still)... I don't know. When I say them it doesn't sound stupid to me. Maybe I'm those unfortunate people with that personality peoplr just hate. I mean it happens to me towards some other people and I know its not their fault... but you can't just avoid disliking them knoe ehat I mean?
I feel like most of my friends "tolerate" me.
Since theyve known me for so long.
Oh well:p.
Make new friends ;)
Thanks MsGrace. That's a nice line of thought;
Maybe you have a degree of asparger's which would make it harder for you to read other people's reactions and expressions which can be very uncomfortable for those around you. There are degrees of Asparger's so it could be mild enough that the right person hasn't noticed but enough to cause you issues in socializing.
Quote from: needhelp on October 31, 2015, 12:11:14 PM
Hey ! Anyone there was disliked by almost everyone before transitioning?
I come off as a weird guy... I haven't transitioned yet. Just came to terms that I might be MTF (like more than 50% at least)...
I noticed that people hate me... I don't have a lot of self-confidence. Like I seek a lot of attention (like women do in nature - read this in a lot of female vs male psychology books. Funny thing however is that I read most MTF get along with females before transitioning... Maybe once I transition they wouldn't because my confidence is more than of a woman and they might see me as one? I don't know. Even women despise me at the moment. It like amazes me haha... I'm a nice guy but the the one that is extra nice like sucking up to people.
I was told befre that I talk a lot of nonsese.. started to think that either I'm slower than most IQ EQ related.. or it's related somehow to dysphoria which I never knew I had (just thought it was anxiety which kicked in around 16, before that I said stupid things still)... I don't know. When I say them it doesn't sound stupid to me. Maybe I'm those unfortunate people with that personality peoplr just hate. I mean it happens to me towards some other people and I know its not their fault... but you can't just avoid disliking them knoe ehat I mean?
Didn't realize attention-seeking was such a female thing... I'm certainly all about that :)
Nobody likes me, either, but I don't take it personally. I'm strange. I love being strange, I love strange people, I've never been able to conform, and I refuse to do things that don't make sense in order to do so. Now, I take a gleeful delight in being as strange, in harmless ways, as I can get away with, and if it upsets people for no logical reason, even better.
It's the strangeness that people(and most animals) have a primal, instinctive fear/hate of. When I realize someone will not be friends with me, I just study them. I experiment on them, if feasible, by saying or doing various things, and observing how they respond, just for a bit of entertainment. They become toys to me, because most of them are entirely mundane and predictable, and I don't really take their dislike personally, because I am not a "person".
In terms of a practical solution to the matter of friendships with normal people, you have to conform to the behavior of the group of people whose friendship you seek. That is their barrier to entry; you must be like them. After being accepted, you can relax and be yourself, a little bit. How much, and it what ways, depends on the group.
People also despise weakness. Desperation is a sign of weakness. If you want to be liked, you must appear self-confident. Then, normal people will think you are worth having as a friend, because they are selfish little apes, and want friends who can provide things for them. The truth of the matter is, most of them are extremely insecure(especially when young), they're just really good at hiding it.
I'm not especially likeable at first, I'm sure of that. It takes time for me to get to know people a little better, figure out what they're generally capapble of, before I'll trust them. I'm a guarded person, and I probably come off that way, which makes others generally pull away or be equally guarded until they get to know you. Perhaps you are similar?
That doesn't mean I don't have friends or people that like me, though. I'm no social butterfly, but I know how to make good friends - they type that will jump into burning buildings for each other, because these friendships are always built on mutual respect and trust. Otherwise, forget it. I can live without more trivial acquaintances. Some people I "click" with very quickly and others I never click with. It's probably just a result of your demeanor, behavior, and the subtle unconscious cues people give one another when they first meet. The people I know who are very popular are what I'd call cheerful, funny, or non-threatning types. There's someone I know that always compliments and flatters others (in a good way, not a false way), and she is exceptionally popular, probably because she makes others feel good and it's very hard to stay mad at her with her conciliatory tone. In short, people in general respond well to certain kinds of humor, cheerfulness, and non-threatening behavior (especially humor in men and non-threatening behavior in women). I could do these things if I wanted to and earn more friends, but honestly I don't have the time or inclination to maintain a large circle of friends.
As for whether my being trans meant that I acted or looked different from what others expected and whether that then meant I earned less friends and less easily... I suspect so. It definitely threw a huge spanner in the works in some kinds of interactions.
Wow thanks for the replies ! Hate I guss was too much. Used the wrong word and didn't explain much !
Since little I've been very very outgoing but people pushed me away/walked all over me. Then of course people making fun of me and pushing me aside hurt me and hurt my confidence as well (a lot)... so I guess yes... I do go towards people withour cofidence (like expecting the worse)....
But also.. I do still talk to people and they look at me like with a "holy ->-bleeped-<- wtf you talk about/you make no sense" face... not lucky for me... I have this thing where I talk/move slow.. very slow but to me it feels fast. If I tried to walk/move faster I'd mumble and trip all over the place. This makes people think that I don't have an attitude or such which actually pisses me off.. believe me.. wverytime someone brings it up "why you do this without attitude.. care about something" I'm at the verge of rage. Literally like don't they realize I don't have an option? That's how I am?... :(
Anyway I was asking. Maybe thougbt it has anything with maybe being trans but I guess not.
Being trans may indeed cause difficulty in socialising - after all, whether you are assigned male or female at birth you are expected to socialise within those 'norms'. If that doesn't feel right to you it is likely you will withdraw. That's what I did! I had to go to an all boys high school... not a very conducive place for learning social cues if you happen to identify as female. It was a struggle!
Quote from: needhelp on November 01, 2015, 06:28:26 PM
Anyway I was asking. Maybe thougbt it has anything with maybe being trans but I guess not.
Sometimes being trans makes you want to protect yourself from outsider so you hind in a shell but other conditions can exist at the same time. It is possible for any of the other mental or physical conditions to exist in a person who is trans. From what you describe that you have some form of nerve condition. I would suggest you talk to a medical doctor about it and see if they can give you some idea what it is and maybe suggest a treatment.