I'm wondering how you're dealing with showering. I hope you can give me a couple of tips. It may help me more. :)
I have discomfort with the chest area and that make the showering harder. I have some tricks like staring at the ceiling, focusing at cleaning my hair and don't think too much. But I appreciate at more tips.
Being MtF, I am happy about those two new blind spots and the boobs causing them, and I know that this in itself is not too helpful to you.
Before HRT, I imagined what they would look and feel like, what it would be like to have them.
Before SRS, I imagined what my crotch would look and feel like without the male junk. (I am using the pun intentionally, not because but although I know that it hurts you as much as it hurts me to know that you will give up what YOU have.)
I have always loved and accepted my body, but my transition has made that so much easier.
Can you anticipate your future body, imagine what it will be like, how you will be able to see your feet without bending over, how that will make you feel?
Can you, at the same time, accept that the person standing in the shower is nonetheless you, and that you have a right to feel whole even while you are waiting for your body to change?
I think it is all about attitude. Looking at the ceiling just won't do.
I kind of just shut off when I shower
Like, I focus on just getting washed and dry but that's just me so I think it's easier said than done. Idk how much this helps sorry ^^;;
Do you like to sing? When I sing along to my favorite songs on my phone, I sometimes forget that I am even taking a shower! :p
Maybe close your eyes and think of something pleasant; like your favorite food or most cherished memories. I focus more on my sense of smell rather than my sense of sight. I pay more attention to the scent of the soap than what I am seeing. I constantly remind myself that the shower will not last forever and will soon end. That after my shower, I will feel and smell a lot better than I did before taking it.
Hope that helps, even a little. :3
~Nixy~
I don't know if this will help being in the opposite situation, but I used just look at the useless thing for a moment intentionally and remind it that his days were numbered. I think it's fair to say that I hated it, so it was important to let it know. A little crazy, but it worked :)
I just try to get it over with as quickly as possible and not look.
This is such a common problem and not recognised enough. Until I transitioned I covered every mirror in the house so when I had a wash I could not see myself. I heard a young man recently saying that he had wall papered all of the mirrors in his house so that he couldn't see his female junk.
As for showering. I tried to relax, and enjoy the hot water on my body, the feeling of it on my skin, and not to think of the parts I had, just the feeling of pleasure on my skin. I realised some time after I transitioned with a shock that for most of my life I always showered in the dark - I hadn't realised it.
Quote from: Cindy on November 02, 2015, 02:05:33 AM
I realised some time after I transitioned with a shock that for most of my life I always showered in the dark - I hadn't realised it.
I find it amazing that we as Trans people can do things that most may find odd or eccentric and we do these things just to get us by in the world. I realised after reading through my mood diary that I get many episodes of severe Dysphoria while showering or in the bathroom...my family always joked I was always super quick in the shower...I could get in and out including a shave and a shower within 5 minutes...I know the reason why...but only recently when I purposefully tried to see if I could work out what triggered the Dysphoria, did I realise it was my body, and looking at it, washing it etc triggered the Dysphoria. Sounds to me like a common issue for those who suffer with body Dysphoria.
Sarah T
I am pretty conditioned to ignore the parts that bother me, I just get in and get out as fast/functionally as I can and don't think about it.
Shower is actually the best place I can imagine being somebody else. The water is kind of numbing. I can stand in there and not feel the body I have but imagine it's a different one. But on the whole even thinking about the fact I even need to think that is tiresome.
Actually lately I've been wondering how you are meant to shower just after surgery. IIRC wounds don't enjoy water on them.
Quote from: T.K.G.W. on November 02, 2015, 07:12:24 AM
Actually lately I've been wondering how you are meant to shower just after surgery. IIRC wounds don't enjoy water on them.
Sponge bath?
I have no idea how long you're supposed to keep them from regular bath or showers. . .
Thanks for all replies. :)
Quote from: Cindy on November 02, 2015, 02:05:33 AM
This is such a common problem and not recognised enough.
I agree. This is a big, important issue that needs to be discussed and handled.
Quote from: Cindy on November 02, 2015, 02:05:33 AM
Until I transitioned I covered every mirror in the house so when I had a wash I could not see myself. I heard a young man recently saying that he had wall papered all of the mirrors in his house so that he couldn't see his female junk.
I would do that if I lived alone. My dad is the least supportive thing I know in my transition. His dog is more supportive than he will ever be. If I could do this, the only time I would look in the mirror is when I am fully clothed to make sure I look "male enough."
Quote from: Cindy on November 02, 2015, 02:05:33 AM
As for showering. I tried to relax, and enjoy the hot water on my body, the feeling of it on my skin, and not to think of the parts I had, just the feeling of pleasure on my skin.
Best advice on here. I honestly find that to be the most helpful thing we can do to get us through a shower! ;D
Quote from: Cindy on November 02, 2015, 02:05:33 AM
I realised some time after I transitioned with a shock that for most of my life I always showered in the dark - I hadn't realised it.
I hear alots of transfolk do this before they transition. I would too right now(I am pre-transition), again, if it weren't for my pops! :-\
I hope we all find our lil' own quirky solutions to help us thru this. If it works for you, than its good. ;)
~Nixy~
I think i might injure myself if i tried showering in the dark
Well, we wouldn't want that. :o
~Nixy~
I saw my therapist yesterday and we were discussing this topic...she has been working with trans clients for about 15 years and she has seen it many times and considers it quite "normal" for pre-transition girls as they discover themselves. For me I didn't realise until a few days ago the extent that I have gone to over the past years to avoid seeing or touching myself...we humans are a weird mob....and some days I feel like the weirdest of them all.
Sarah T
I use a very girly fragrant brand of shampoo and body wash so in my case I just close my eyes and try to focus solely on the smell.
Once I started to transition and knew that it wouldn't be there for more than a year or so, I didn't worry about personal showers so much. It was using restrooms at work or in public that really bugged me.
When my surgery appointment was put on hold because Dr. Biber had a horse accident, I went nuts. The delay turned out to be only six months but those were the longest six months of my adult life. And no matter what I did, I could not resolve the dichotomous angst I felt.
Cindi
When I take a shower, I wear a swimshirt and swim trunks. It helps, but I don't wear a binder in the shower because I could use a break, and I can hardly tell the bulge because I pull the fabric out so it's an entertaining bubble. Don't ask. Anyway, if you don't have those things you could always shower in the dark. It's helped for me, hope it does for you! :D
*sigh* and this is one of the reasons I've been holding back from identifying as trans.
I have no problem with showering.
I don't hate my body. I hate having body hair and I wish I had breasts, but I don't actually hate my body. I just wish it was different, and I've come to appreciate the feminine touches I've been able to give it.
I've never really thought about it one way or the other in the shower. But I agree with Jamie. It makes me wonder about myself reading what it's like for others.
Don't despair Jamie. I also didn't hate my body. I have always stayed in shape, so I thought of my body as good looking and healthy. That changed after accepting being transgender though. One day, after cleaning myself, I looked in the mirror and thought, "WHAT THE F**K?!?!" :o
I think what caused the change was, until that point I never considered deriving any happiness from my body, and just focused on functionality. Now that I was seriously contemplating the happiness having a female body would bring me, looking at my genitalia, and the definition of my muscles, made me feel wrong, very strange, and a little sad.
Gender dysphoria is a new and uncomfortable experience for me, but acquiring it was vindicating, and in my experience, it is not nearly as difficult to live with as repression. If you want to experience it, try stretching the limits of your imagination, and envision living as female, from the sun in your hair, to the nail polish on your toes, and then take a shower and see how great you look. :)
Looking in the mirror in the bathroom before or after a shower is painful, but I usually just listen to music to take my mind off the dysphoria. Getting clean and trying to make myself "feel" beautiful helps. Just doing small things like shaving my legs or using coconut scented body wash and shampoo/conditioner help take my mind off my body with the aroma and sleek feeling my skin has. Just knowing that the hair on my head is growing and I'm keeping it clean and beautiful is a huge uplift in my mood. I'm not sure what I can suggest for FTMs, but maybe if you use a body wash with a scent that makes you feel more masculine can help. I know its sort of cheesy, but when I ditched the manly man axe body wash my mom would buy for me for a more feminine herbal essences body wash, I enjoyed showers more because I got out smelling how I pleased.
I wear a packer 24/7, and that includes in the shower. I get clean, I don't have to look at my junk beyond lifting the packer to scrub, the packer and the harness I wear it with both get clean. Win/win/win.
Binding would be tough, but maybe if you have a spare binder (especially one that's older and thinner), that would work. You could use it specifically for showering.
I used to just disassociate. I could put it all mentally aside for the 5 minutes that it took me to get in, get clean, and get out.
Quote from: FTMax on November 28, 2015, 08:25:36 AM
I used to just disassociate. I could put it all mentally aside for the 5 minutes that it took me to get in, get clean, and get out.
That's about all I can do. Yeah, that's a good way to put it. Its like I have to mentally project myself somewhere else.
That´s a great question and I´m going to look through all the answers later, might help me as well.
I don´t shower that often. I´m disgusting ;D I couldn´t handle the feeling of water trickling over parts that I did not want to be conscious of. I found out that it did help when I wore a shirt and some briefs in the shower. I would put some soap over that, and scrub, so I didn´t have to touch anything directly. And just like some others, only showered when it was dark (& with the lights off).
I´m also a huge germaphobe - and I have a shared shower - so I ended up buying some wascloths and now I just take a bucket of warm water and soap and scrub lightly with the washcloth.
And I just never look in the mirror when I don´t have my binder and briefs on.