Hiya girls!! :P
Basically I just wanted to give everyone on here a little update since I haven't posted in quite a while.
I'm back at university, starting my second year. The workload is pretty hectic!! :(
Anyway, just after this semester began (and just after I had started being with my friends and girlfriend regularly again) I had a bit of a freak out. It was one night when I was laying in bed with her and she had had a bad day. She was crying earlier in the day and had just released a lot of stress about work and our relationship (she can be insecure because she doesn't see how beautiful she is :P). After she had finished crying she looked at me, smiled and said "hehe... so now that I've got everything off my chest is there anything you want to tell me?". I looked at her and I just thought to myself "I can't tell her anything now, and I don't want to ever lose her!" so I told her I didn't have anything to say. I came so close to coming out to her. I could feel the words forming but they just couldn't come out of my mouth :(
This was the beginning of my mini "purge". I deleted all the photos I had on my phone of myself dressed up and I hid all of my clothes away. I even stopped talking to my Transgender friend on twitter who lives in the same city as me. I felt guilty because we really wanted to meet up at her house :(
Anyway, for about a month I didn't feel much need to be Hannah. I didn't dress up, I didn't visit the forum and I didn't go on my female twitter account. I acted completely male. It was during this time though that me and my girlfriend had our first fight, and she observed that I generally seemed a bit more distant. I wasn't feeling uncomfortable being a guy (far from it) and I didn't really yearn to be a woman either. This was until last week - a wig I had ordered ages ago came in the post. I took it to my room and I tried it on. Suddenly everything I used to feel came back to me. The femininity, the comfort, I felt like I liked myself again and I felt happier while I was wearing it!!
So that brings me to right now, writing this. Still in the closet. Still pre-everything. I'm sitting here on my bed. Wig on. Makeup on. panties and bra and women's clothes all on! I even got a pair of earrings that I've simply taped to my ears ;) I just did a little photo-shoot in my room and I loved every second of it!! I don't think I'm quite ready to tell anybody just yet, but I feel I may have just about gotten over a small hurdle :)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi375.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Foo195%2FSophieHannahAlexis%2FFirst%2520Steps%2FC9C4EE31-C552-4D9E-B0DB-EDF38D038465_zpsipv1zngm.jpg&hash=3a8ad1ec621b88ec80a4add97cfe3d0dd789a8ae)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi375.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Foo195%2FSophieHannahAlexis%2FFirst%2520Steps%2FE9F7887E-2742-47E7-851F-2F7755C084B8_zpsygg2klhr.jpg&hash=5516ed9a0f3842925e6b482e27ee91737549f774)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi375.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Foo195%2FSophieHannahAlexis%2FFirst%2520Steps%2FE25F4A5B-80F8-418F-A4AA-11FC46A21270_zpspqlliojj.jpg&hash=681bee7c84610b2bcc4081f344c48f8111906204)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi375.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Foo195%2FSophieHannahAlexis%2FFirst%2520Steps%2F2E2F2D82-665C-4AC8-8BC5-28B782D70FCC_zpsg3xjh7zc.jpg&hash=fde532af2eaa64a4c062cbe9b8e81918443656b4)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi375.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Foo195%2FSophieHannahAlexis%2FFirst%2520Steps%2F0586F799-05D4-45DE-ACA2-A3365945EE66_zps5k0oteht.jpg&hash=377802228e9c129fdf09f89b78b9fd45ae3f935a)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi375.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Foo195%2FSophieHannahAlexis%2FFirst%2520Steps%2F0BBF61A6-44EC-4477-9FCA-582E023C8775_zpscwxjtdha.jpg&hash=6b253e5f72912d1aa4b9af60934a08a6cdc26531)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi375.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Foo195%2FSophieHannahAlexis%2FFirst%2520Steps%2F11EDED9D-C0BA-425C-906A-89F407DFEA7A_zpsbmtwetax.jpg&hash=f1614eb15bad9974f3051c67e06a1824af8da69c)
Sorry for the long post and the sheer bombardment of photos!! I was just kinda feeling good about myself!! :) xxx
And so you should hunni, you look amazing!!!! Love that hairstyle on you; you make such an attractive woman! I'm well jel and I've been on E for 5 years haha.
I'm sure you'll be able to tell your girlfriend before long :) xx
Quote from: SashaGrace on November 07, 2015, 08:40:56 AM
And so you should hunni, you look amazing!!!! Love that hairstyle on you; you make such an attractive woman! I'm well jel and I've been on E for 5 years haha.
I'm sure you'll be able to tell your girlfriend before long :) xx
Awww thank you!! :D I hope I'll be able to tell her soon too!! ;) xxx
Hopefully it'll all work out for you! I remember tell my fiancée when I met her I was trans, that's as close as I can relate to it though, she met me in a transitioned state so it was much easier for us. I'm sure it'll be fine though; it's what you want and it's who you are! Never hide, you're awesome! Now you just have to get yourself outside!!! Promise it feels amazing :)
Let me know if you ever want a chat hun xx
I was kinda forced into telling my girlfriend. We split up and by the time that we got together a week later I was completely shaved and had painted toenails. Either I was going to have to be fully clothed from the neck down until it all grew back out (and a quick trip to the bathroom to remove the nail varnish), or it was confession time. All was fine. Sure it will be with you too.
Quote from: emma-f on November 07, 2015, 02:07:35 PM
I was kinda forced into telling my girlfriend. We split up and by the time that we got together a week later I was completely shaved and had painted toenails. Either I was going to have to be fully clothed from the neck down until it all grew back out (and a quick trip to the bathroom to remove the nail varnish), or it was confession time. All was fine. Sure it will be with you too.
Aw that's good!! I hope so too!! :)