Are you able to remember the very first time the thought came into your head when you knew or felt that you were a girl. The circumstances surrounding my revelation was when I was 4 years old which is the only reason I can remember anything from that age, I was in my room which I shared with my two sisters . We lived in a converted second floor of my dads fathers house. I for some reason started sneaking into my sisters dresser and trying on her clothes and sleeping with them. That was the first time. I thought the clothes were incredibly beautiful. Or if you were older how did that thought come into your head.
How could I ever forget...
Kindergarten. As an innocent kid I only wanted to play nicely and with nice things. That is, to socialize with girls at girls' corners. Got bashed away by girls. Got bashed by boys for 'annoying' girls. That marked start of series of bullying at kindergarten. The most remembered moments being broken arm, a broken tooth and drowning in deep sea. That was about age 5-7. The rest is my life story, shan't expand for it is a long one.
The headline today is I am proud to be alive and marginally sane.
I remember when my sister was in ballet she had an old tutu she never wore anymore but still had in her closet. I was about 6 or so and when I wore it I never felt so graceful in my life. I also loved playing with my sister's polly pockets while she wasn't noticing and I made them be ninja princesses that kicked butt... lol
Though apparently my mom told me in Kindergarten I dressed up as a girl for a costume party at school and I had to switch classes because the other kids made fun of me. I actually don't even remember that, but that was probably the earliest experience I had with gender identity and being a girl. Of course my mom thought it was a phase and tried to brainwash me since. Looks like she failed because I still feel like a girl...
Quote from: Martine A. on November 08, 2015, 11:59:23 PM
How could I ever forget...
Kindergarten. As an innocent kid I only wanted to play nicely and with nice things. That is, to socialize with girls at girls' corners. Got bashed away by girls. Got bashed by boys for 'annoying' girls. That marked start of series of bullying at kindergarten. The most remembered moments being broken arm, a broken tooth and drowning in deep sea. That was about age 5-7. The rest is my life story, shan't expand for it is a long one.
The headline today is I am proud to be alive and marginally sane.
I was bullied for crying all the time in 1st grade on. My nick name was tiny tears.
I look at my avatar now and see clearly why I never fit
Quote from: stephaniec on November 09, 2015, 12:10:39 AM
I was bullied for crying all the time in 1st grade on. My nick name was tiny tears.
Hey, I love crying too. :) Used every emotional opportunity to do so. But my father 'took care' of that. I would be beaten until I stopped crying, because that is 'not what boys do'.
At least now I can cry all I want. Not much change will be brought there by HRT. I think HRT mostly helps people discover things about their minds. It doesn't really change them.
being on estrogen I just went through a lot of tissue reading about Janet Mock's wedding
I'm not sure if I remember the earliest but in primary school I used to try and hang out with girls instead and it generally went much better than trying to hang out with boys.
One thing my mum told me though is that I've always hated my hair being cut, even as a toddler!
She showed me a picture of when I was around 3 and it looked like any other girl. I even had a dress on but she didn't tell me where I got it :D
Six. The playground admonitions back in the late 1950's of those "Homos" and "Drag Queens" being institutionalized and me being the shortest and thinnest kid in my class back then kept me from admitting that. My mom did put me in a dress for Halloween at age 9 after discovering me trying out her clothes about a year earlier. She thought it was a phase. I came out to her in 1977, 2 years after serving in the Navy and I saw my first shrink for that.
Joelene
Yes Halloween, I'll always remember in like 4th grade for Halloween everyone in in school would dress up and this one time I can't get out of my brain. One of my male class mates had on this really pretty dress and I kept staring at him and wishing I had the guts to do that publicly. I just have never forgotten that.
I believed myself to be a girl from the start and felt very hurt and dismayed when my mom and sisters pointed and laughed as they told me I could never be a girl and wouldn't be getting a new dress
Then I was told that from then on I would have to take my bath alone and that they were going to make a man out of me
My parents got tired of me dressing in my sisters clothes so they moved me from the bedroom I shared with them to the dining room next to where they slept in the front room. I lost my easy access to their wardrobe.
We did have one guy show up in a dress, earrings and makeup for Halloween day in elementary school. Everybody thought he was cool anyway due to his laid back demeanor. His twin sister got the brunt though. She was the designated "Cootie girl" and was teased through Junior High. We both did see shrinks at the same hospital at the same time for not getting along with others. I met her at the hospital once with her parents. I wondered what happened to her over the years.
My sisters were too small as I was the oldest. Their clothes were safe. Me and my brother was downstairs in the same room with the dog anyway.
Joelene
I knew I wanted to be a girl from quite little, 5 or 6?
I remember thinking about what it would be like if I had a twin sister who looked like me? Or how I wish I had a female best friend who would be totally awesome and into all the same things I was. What if I was a girl?
I was also old enough to think that this was wrong and I best keep it to myself and maybe it'd go away ::)
Certainly before I went to school. I used to hope that I would go to sleep and wake up a girl.
At nursery school I played with the girls then I was sent to an all boys school :(
I was 5 at the earliest that I remember. I was ashamed of those feelings but they wouldn't leave me no matter how hard I tried. Sneaking into mom's clothes was great on one hand it was distressing in another. My sisters clothes were safe cause she was a tom boy.
I was 4 the first time I remember noticing I was different. I used to play with girls in Primary school, wear girls clothes when around at their houses etc. My parents should have known I was different when they picked me up from a girl friends house when we were 6 and I came flying downstairs wearing her bright pink tutu and her mothers heels lol.
I'm 21 now and I haven't changed haha
around age 4 ish my sister and I played together and she dressed me up with her clothes. I had long blonde wavy hair at the time and ppl confused me for a girl (which I loved it) way until age 9 ish.
Perhaps my earliest memory of feeling like a grl for real was around age 5 ish. My girl friend and I would play we were policewomen together --so random. Hahaha.
around age 3 , my parents took a picture of me wearing my mom's high heel shoes and some clothes. On my album it is written "You like to wear mom's clothes". I continued to do so at 12 yo and up but this time i was conscious about what i was doing and to me it was wrong, boys dont wear girls clothes.
I always felt i was different from boys at school, felt uncomfortable with them ( it was always harder for me to fit with them, not natural). When i came out to my parents at 23 yo, they would never have thought i was trans, ive always been good at hiding it. I however always been copping who i was truly inside, i thought that after starting HRT the fight from being a boy or being a girl would be over but i was wrong.. this is what almost killed me this weekend. I need to stop to fight it but i am to used to do so.
yea it's hard when you keep fighting. I fought for so long thinking I could stop the fight but finally figure way too late that it was impossible for me to do so. I did try hard.
I was about three or four and i had some friends over to play and I'd gotten into mums drawers and had tried on her pantyhose and then tried to hide behind the curtain when i heard her coming! This was not the last time that I'd be into her drawers :) it always made me feel nice to be wearing the nice silky clothes...
Probably about 4 - i remember my sister reading " Charlotte's Web" to me and feeling very feminine. For some reason, i had a fuzzy yellow pajamas that were girlish, and i remember thinking - "i am definitely a girl"
Later in kindergarten, i immediately wanted to hang with the girls and play in the play kitchen.
Quote from: stephaniec on November 09, 2015, 12:45:09 AM
being on estrogen I just went through a lot of tissue reading about Janet Mock's wedding
It is called toilet paper here. ;D Always have a roll on my desk. :angel:
Hmmmm, have to say about 6 give or take a year. Just didn't feel "right" and of course such issues were never raised in the late 50's and into the 60's/70's
I would rather play with the girls because they always needed another to play house with or turn a skipping rope and no questions. I wasn't good at sports and because I felt better around girls, grade school until we moved was a living hell for me with the bullies.
If they could only see me now. (LOL)
Love,
Clare
I remember the time when i was about 4 years old playing with my mothers old barbie dolls, wich went over in playing dress up with the girl next door, till my father got wind of it and tried to beat it out of me,
that and my pluche animal collections from age 3 to about when i was 18 ><.
and like archlord i didnt fit in with any of the boys. some how i always had a easy times making friends with girls
I was 3 when I put on my moms makeup and I was 6 when I asked a friend if I could wear her babushka and did. about 8or 9 we went to the Museum of science and industry . I asked my mom if she wanted to see the dollhouse display and I was very disappointed when it was not lit up. played with girls tried jump roping but I am bad at any and all sports loved playing hop scotch whenever we went to a girls house I wanted to play with dolls when 12 I wanted to wear maternity clothes. even I'm 73 I cannot go to a store selling tampons without wishing I needed to wear them or if I see a pregnant woman on the street I wish I was her. i read somewhere that crossdressers do it first near puberty and ts's start out early. when my mom and I went shopping in Logan Square(Chicago) I would always peek into the 3 sisters store enjoying the beautiful blouses, skirts and dresses
4th or 5th grade. Told a gf I wished I was a girl.
I don't know what age I was but I was in a very large daycare. I guess I was still young enough that we had accidents at nap time. This was before health codes so the daycare furnished underwear and you would wear them home, your mom would wash them and you would bring them back. All I really remember about the whole thing is they were out of boys underwear and told me I would have to wear girls panties. I didn't understand what it meant at the time but suddenly things felt right.
I was around 5 when I told my male friend from down the street that I wish I was a girl. We used to walk around the neighborhood holding hands My mom tried to stop me from seeing him, didn't work. He was pretty tall
When I was little, I had the biggest eyes for everything my mother had. I remember at around age three, I took my mothers red lipstick and applied it on my lips ... and everywhere else.
My mom caught this and washed my face off- I think she was more upset that I used her favorite lip.
My earliest memory of wanted to be a girl was when I was about 5, I only wanted to play house with the girls and I wanted to be the mommy.
Remember I would always wonder what it was like to wear a pretty dress.
At the age of 14, I tried on a pair of black pantyhose and something felt right.. after years of denial and hiding in the shadows, wearing pantyhose when I could, at the age of 19, I wore a dress for the first time and it felt like I was destined to wear clothing like that. That night I wore panties and bra also for the first time. That night i become a serious crossdresser. I also started therapy to explore my feelings and realized that 5 year old, knew that I was a girl.. The rest as they say is history.
Quote from: noleen111 on November 11, 2015, 08:58:19 AM
My earliest memory of wanted to be a girl was when I was about 5, I only wanted to play house with the girls and I wanted to be the mommy.
Remember I would always wonder what it was like to wear a pretty dress.
At the age of 14, I tried on a pair of black pantyhose and something felt right.. after years of denial and hiding in the shadows, wearing pantyhose when I could, at the age of 19, I wore a dress for the first time and it felt like I was destined to wear clothing like that. That night I wore panties and bra also for the first time. That night i become a serious crossdresser. I also started therapy to explore my feelings and realized that 5 year old, knew that I was a girl.. The rest as they say is history.
I've always loved pretty dresses
It's really extraordinary how you can almost see the same story unfold, just different names and places.
...and my story is no different. 1st memory is 4 years old at my day-care and they had little outfits for girls and boys. I gravitated to the green sequined dancer outfit. Being so little, details are fuzzy, but it felt like the adults just thought it was 'amusing' for a little boy to wear that, I suppose.
After coming out years ago as trans, my mother connected the dots and told me that even before I was 4 that she had to scold me to stay out of my sister's clothing drawers. This was too early for me to have solid memories about myself.
So yeah... I guess I've been a girl before I could even remember. :icon_baby:
It wasn't an issue for me until I was 11. Before that I wasn't exactly like everyone else but I didn't connect it to gender in my mind.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I was interested in the concept of being a girl, or at least becoming a girl, since before fifth grade. I didn't actually learn that transgender even existed until I was in eighth grade, and I didn't realize I might be transgender until tenth grade. Even after that, the first time I crossdressed was when I was nearly 16. I'm almost 18 now, and I'm only now starting to express myself as feminine.
It is amazing how we are all so similar.
My first memory would be around 5 I believe. My mother took my brother and I to my Aunt's house to swim. My cousins were girls. We went swimming in our underwear. My Aunt offered my mother 2 pairs of panties for us, my brother refused to put them on, I was more than happy to wear them. I remember not wanting to give them back.
I often played more with the girls, hopscotch, jump rope, cats in the cradle, etc. than I ever did with the boys.
As the years progressed and I got older I found old clothes in the basement of my mother's and I would try on pantyhose, panties, bras, old shorts, etc. I loved the clothes, wished they'd fit right. I especially loved when they'd flatten me out between the legs.
Puberty hit, and I remember wondering if I was going to get breasts when my pecs started to form. I was excited and scared... excited because I wanted breasts, but scared of what everyone would say.
I hated when my body hair came in, shaved it off. Eventually convinced myself I needed to stop and just be a man.
I bought male underwear as feminine as I could, grew my hair long. Was often mistaken for a woman. I often dreamt of being a woman, but being that I grew up before the Internet I didn't have much exposure to LGBT resources. I was often accused of being gay due to my feminine qualities, and overly sensitive emotional states (for a boy).
Years continuing to go by, I got married. Confessed to my wife I like to wear panties, etc. She's OK with that, but not much else. So I've worn panties forever, and I've bought and worn girls jeans at times.
I've done more dressing in private but cannot wear everything I wish to, as she's not really OK with it.
Over the years there are times when I've thrown it all away and swore up and down I'll stop shaving my body, and just accept being male, but I always end up going back and buying new panties, and clothes.
I've always fought and fought to subdue my feminine side, but it seems as I get older it gets harder. At this point (41 yrs old) I'm tired of fighting it, but I am afraid of the ramifications of accepting it.
I've got three children and a wife who mean the world to me. I am aware I'm likely to lose my wife, as she's expressed over the years, when she has asked me if I want to be a woman, that she's not interested in being with a woman, but I don't want to lose my children.
I never had cross-gender identification as a young child though I did experience cross-gender behavior such as cross-dressing in my mom's clothes.
My first cross-gender identification happened early this year in May 2015 when I was 28 years old. I had an epiphany one day and started thinking of myself as a trans woman rather than a cross-dressing male. I took a bath and kept repeating to myself "I am a woman. I am a trans woman". It felt soooo right to finally find a label that perfectly captured my deepest desires that had been hidden away in the recesses of my mind for 28 years. But I was scared ->-bleeped-<-less about what this meant because if you start googling about trans women you will mainly just find horror stories.
1st time was when I was 13 & it was 2 days before Halloween. We had just moved in to a new city & apt complex. I bugged Mom to get me a costume. She said that all our money was used for rent & deposits. The day of Halloween I bugged her again. It was around 4pm. She shot back "If you want to trick or treat, you can wear one of Shasta's dresses (my sister 16 months older) & go as a girl" Well, You could have painted me blue & be naked, & I would have gone as naked Smurf, for free candy. So I said OK. Mom handed me a bottle of Nair & told me to shower. She set out one of Shasta's bras & panties. After drying off, I put on the underwear & Mom sat me down, put me in a dress, put falsies in the bra. She then applied makeup & a hair piece. I did look like a girl! At 6 or so she handed me a paper sack & threw me out the door. The cold air hitting my Naired body was weird as was the lipstick & mascara! Thoughts ran thru my head 'What if someone sees me?' I took a deep breath & said 'Silly, no one knows youre a guy' I Then went trick or treating. It was kind of fun wearing Shasta's clothes, the tug of the bra straps & the falsies was kind of interesting. About 8 or so I went home. I totally forgot I was 'en femme' & walked into the apt. There was Mom, Shasta & 2 girls I didn't know. Shasta looks at me & Mom saves the day by saying "Maureen, Aunt Jean will be by to pick you up in the morning. Did you have fun?" Shasta caught on & said "Share the candy" I dumped the candy, took a few candy bars & went in my room. Later Shasta came in & joked /sneered "Don't want my clothes back " Not sure what I did w/ them afterwards. Maybe during one of my purges. Funny thing is that Shasta has been the most supportive of all my sisters.
that's a good story
The stuff I don't recall comes from my folks. As a baby when I first held a bottle my pinky went up! Still does. But the first real clues were that in nursery school and kindergarten all my friends were girls.
From my own recollections: I wanted to do ballet once around then (3 or 4) and talked my Mom into taking me to the Y where my friends were taking classes. The woman there told me that I could join in, but I would be the only boy. I didn't mind. She told me that boys don't wear tutus and that I would be in black tights and a white t shirt. I got sullen and refused to participate further, especially after she suggested a sport.
I also remember being taunted by boys for being with the girls, playing with their dolls etc.
My favorite memory is being at my best friend's house in the first grade (5 or 6) We had been watching Voltron, her favorite show. We went fo a snack in the kitchen and I heard her Mom on the phone saying " You know my Katie she's a little tomboy" I turned to Katie and said "that's what I am! A tomboy!" Katie agreed. I guess that was when I first really knew.
About 4 I would say. Sitting on a bed with a friend brushing my hair and I knew I was just like her. Not far enough in life to know that I was not, but can remember loving the feeling of content comfort. It is one of my earliest memories.
By third grade, I was sure I was in the wrong body as I understood my birth sex and who I felt I am inside.
I would say most of my early memories are of being a girl. I remember vidly one occasion going to a bid department store with my mother and plotting how to reach the makeup testers on the shelves... of course I got in trouble but somehow was worth it. I think I was around 2!