I really have sacrificed myself for some reasons and some reasons I never transitioned but has it been easy? No. I never transitioned because of yes surgery, costs, society being so judgmental and on. That however was not my biggest reasons. The biggest was my nephew and my niece. The 2 of them are why. I would never want them to be bullied or hurt. I also never really had an uncle when I was little. One I never saw. One guy was evil and another guy well for reasons I never really knew till later on in the last 8 or so years. This is a real reason and important one to me. My nephew and niece need their uncle and they deserve that of which I didnt have.
Not a day goes by however where I dont think about Im a girl inside and know I see the world from a girls view, not boys. I am actually at work trying to well be not attached to the boys policy of dress code. All guys have to wear a collared shirt and well the girls do not have to follow it. I dont usually say stuff like this but I do find the rule segregated. I want to be able to be myself more. I think I have a good chance. It's been something Ive put up with for years but it actually makes me sad. It's like Im not a guy, Im a girl but I dont want to say Im a girl but stop treating me like a girl even though I seem like a guy when Im not a guy. This stuff could really make me feel happier if I never had to be under a silly rule.
I do things to help myself feel like me, I get depressed knowing well I wasnt born a normal girl and if I can seperate myself from the boy side more, I see it as a goal but transitioning fully? No.
I wish so many could understand what I go through but ya I already got it made where I work to not call me sir if you could. So many have tried not to however they slip up every so often. If I can get exempt from the boy rule, this would be huge for me just to be able to come dressed more neutral. Wish me luck!!
I know this seems more like a badly written blog but I really needed to get this out. I hope advocating myself will get somewhere.
Hi Larisa,
It's great to hear you are taking steps to become happier, by challenging your workplace dress code and requesting that people refer to you by the pronouns that correspond to your gender. I wish you the best of luck in those endeavors!
I'm also currently not transitioning, because I don't feel I have the right to, until I provide my mother a comfortable retirement, but also on my death bed I don't want to see my life as pitiable. Thus, since I will never feel fulfilled if I don't transition, I will begin to do so after I address my larger priorities.
Personally, I don't think a non transitioned transgender person can feel fulfilled if they believe that at some point it could be possible for them to transition. What you would have to give up now, may have a greater value to you than what transitioning would provide, but I think if you planned a future where at some point you transition (maybe when your niece and nephew are older), this would add a lightness to your life and put a smile on your face. For me, having an enticing future helps me be more productive and have greater appreciation for each precious minute.
Anyway, I hope you do what is best for you. :)
I had a bit of an epiphany a few months back. So many things were happening that when looked at the right (as in negative) way, being in the overwhelmed and depressed state I was, I easily construed as just another sign of what an idiot I am for thinking I can find some joy and happiness by this fools errand I've been on. I'll never be able to transition. I experimented with it decades ago and decided I couldn't do it. "Be normal" I said. That kind of worked. The past 7 years or so have been such a struggle and no way can progress any further then I can between many of the same reasons you expressed, as well as a sick semi-invalid wife wasting away and oft times wishing to die.
A day or so after another "Reminder" what an idiot I am it hit me. "I don't want to not be able to transition". It put everything I was going through in a totally different perspective