So yeah, are there like any trans people on here who quite literally have absolutely no friends?
I am one I guess, but are there any others?
I mean, not one, single friend. Except my big bro, but that's it. I have no social life. And I sure as heck ain't got no gf either. I'm not even ready for such mature commitment. Or maybe I actually could be a good bf, but when you've been raised by a narcissistic, verbally/emotionally/physically abusive father, kinda impossible to believe there is anything even remotely good or mature about me. :'(
~Nixy~
you have one more than I have.
There are friend and good friends. Good friends are hard to find and you need to look for them. If you have special interest or a hobby you might consider joining a group with common interest. One friend I had shared a common interest in science and science fiction. Another in a way was a soulmate and had we not both been male at the time, I might have considered him a romantic interest. My time on Susan's and voice surgery is in preparation for joining an adult club were I might form new social ties. Volunteer work could expose you to many people who are sharing and caring. Look around you and move into new place where you will meet new people because they are out there if you look around.
We may never actually meet or even talk but I hope you will consider me a friend. It may sound trite but I do feel I know you a bit from your posts and I like your no nonsense style and your iconic looking avatar pic.
We have a lot more in common than what separates us and some shared challenges ahead. I continually work to build a greater circle of support that includes friends of all kinds from all over. Americans travel a lot and its cool to have people to visit who know the local scene when you arrive. Contact me when you get to the Oregon coast.
I think a lot of trans people may be shy about socializing for a million reasons. Forgetaboutit let's get out there and mix it up. ;D
I know man..it can be hard, it just seems like no one gets you. I am also trans, FTM. I live in a small county in Alabama where I can't really talk to many people about this, so I would love to have more trans friends! Message me? :)
Hi King Phoenix,
I have two close friends in my life and that is about to end or is in the process of ending. Growing up I experienced a lot of verbal and physical abuse and worse. So I can relate to a difficult home life.
You mentioned your maturity is lacking. I have read your posts and I think you are very mature and standing up to a lot of adversity and being true to yourself, against a lot of odds. So I would add brave as well.
At work over the past 3 years I have noticed some things about myself. As I emit happier and more positive vibes people have responded very positively. Odd but now a lot of people talk to me and even come to my office to vent about personal issues. The more comfortable and confident I become the more people respond positively to me.
It has been an uphill climb but over the past three years I have made self improvements. I remember the first session with my first gender therapist. She asked where I wanted to go? I then said I am at Zero so anywhere up would be good. I have made progress but have a long way to go on my journey.
You're not alone. I have just my wife/BFF these days
Recently I have developed bonds with a handful of people who may or may not become close friends. Last year it started and it took until this year for those bonds to start becoming much of anything. And that's only because I met these people in college. If I wasn't in college I wouldn't have any friends. I'm asocial and unless I -have- to work with people I don't have any interest in them at all. I've been friendless and content with that for most of my life. I'm happy this way. I enjoy people's company occasionally irl, but overall I like my space and having minimal contact with people and I don't see that ever changing.
I have a long distance boyfriend but zero close friends. I've never been able to make lasting relationships - the fact that I have a boyfriend is like a staggering coincidence that we're compatible (we're both really anti-social lol - he has no close friends either).
I practically had negative friends at school, and I did have some friends at uni (I wasn't out and presented as feminine to blend in lol ) but lost touch almost immediately after graduation. I've started to learn that most friendships are temporary; if i do a postgrad degree i might make friends but I shouldn't expect to keep them. I don't think it's to do with being trans, i think it's just me.
Personally i think that the idea of huge networks of friends is a fallacy; people either need to work hard at it and fake it most of the time, or they just naturally hang out with the one or two people that are the most convenient, and when it becomes awkward socially or geographically, they move on.
Then again I haven't had much of a chance to make friends as myself yet so maybe things will be different post-transition.
Same here. It's a complete mystery to me how other trans men seem to have a large group of friends yet have the same problems I have (social/body dysphoria) which somehow doesn't stand in there way. I work in a gym and am always amazed how conversations flow so easily with the women but also more astounding when men can start conversations with females. I can never do that. Maybe I'll finally pluck up the courage to go to the trans group next week (I've tried going to the ftm one a few times but was too scared to talk to others). Or maybe I'll just continue being a sad loner.
And I did have a gf but was rather crap at it. My dad was a bit emotionally abusive so I never really knew how not to be. I tried but always ended up saying the wrong thing or getting too jealous. I guess I found it hard to believe why she would actually be interested in someone like me. Oh well, I'll just die alone.
I don't have anyone, either. I've found a way to contact some friends I had before becoming semi-openly trans, but I'm not sure whether I should do it or not. I mean, I have no idea how they would react.
On one hand, I don't want to be alone. On the other hand, I don't think that I can actually be friends with people who (possibly) will not consider me a girl.
Before i was on hormones or even had surgery, i was so uncomfortable with myself that i didnt want to talk to people because i didnt want attention brought to myself. Now im way more social and confident. I think its hard to make friends when youre trans because you feel like no one understands and youre so uncomfortable with who you are, you kind of isolate yourself. Over time i think you will be okay and eventually make friends. It takes time though. Going to groups though before i was on hormones and had surgery helped me be social. If you can find one near you, you should go imo.
I lived all my life surounded by people i found mostly uninteresting cos if i told them what was going on inside my head it wouldnt fit in theirs.
Once i decided to come out i thought about who, out of all these 'friends' id be comfy sharing my secret with. That left me with no more than 5 people and my wife.
Count on me. I want to be your friend. I mean it x
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Quote from: Tessa James on November 16, 2015, 06:09:45 PM
We may never actually meet or even talk but I hope you will consider me a friend. It may sound trite but I do feel I know you a bit from your posts and I like your no nonsense style and your iconic looking avatar pic.
Aww. Thank you. :angel:
~Nixy~Quote from: Tessa James on November 16, 2015, 06:09:45 PM
We have a lot more in common than what separates us and some shared challenges ahead. I continually work to build a greater circle of support that includes friends of all kinds from all over. Americans travel a lot and its cool to have people to visit who know the local scene when you arrive. Contact me when you get to the Oregon coast.
I think you're really cool to be so interactive diversely with people from all walks of life. I'm not goin' anywhere outside of Florida anytime soon, though, I'm afraid....
~Nixy~Quote from: Tessa James on November 16, 2015, 06:09:45 PM
I think a lot of trans people may be shy about socializing for a million reasons. Forgetaboutit let's get out there and mix it up. ;D
I'm sorry. Kinda impossible to just "forget about" things like social anxiety, depression and extreme limitations on my health and income. Or maybe you meant something else....I dunno.
~Nixy~Quote from: AnonBear on November 16, 2015, 08:52:48 PM
Recently I have developed bonds with a handful of people who may or may not become close friends. Last year it started and it took until this year for those bonds to start becoming much of anything. And that's only because I met these people in college. If I wasn't in college I wouldn't have any friends. I'm asocial and unless I -have- to work with people I don't have any interest in them at all. I've been friendless and content with that for most of my life. I'm happy this way. I enjoy people's company occasionally irl, but overall I like my space and having minimal contact with people and I don't see that ever changing.
Hm. I can relate all to well to you, in that you prefer to be alone. I mean, I do too until it starts getting to me. Even though I ain't no social butterfly, I would be ok with like one or two friends(besides my big bro, who, at this point in my dull life, is my
only friend). Besides Stephanie, I haven't seen any trans people on here claim to have
not one, single friend. And if someone did say that, I'm sorry for not noticing.
~Nixy~Quote from: Elis on November 17, 2015, 07:31:48 AM
Same here. It's a complete mystery to me how other trans men seem to have a large group of friends yet have the same problems I have (social/body dysphoria) which somehow doesn't stand in there way. I work in a gym and am always amazed how conversations flow so easily with the women but also more astounding when men can start conversations with females. I can never do that.
Yeah, trying to figure this out is like trying to figure out the true meaning of life, I swear! >.<
~Nixy~
Quote from: King Phoenix on November 17, 2015, 12:46:51 PM
I'm sorry. Kinda impossible to just "forget about" things like social anxiety, depression and extreme limitations on my health and income. Or maybe you meant something else....I dunno.
~Nixy~
Hey Nixy I was being kinda flip and casual about what are some real constraints for you. Still I believe you can work it out and make progress as you certainly are identifying what you know are problems to knock down. I don't want anything to get in your way but you know about best wishes ;)
I have a pretty big network because I was really involved in college, grad school, and my first adult job. I've gotten sufficiently choosier in who I choose to invest my time in as I've gotten older.
I've got my roommate. He's been my best friend for about eight years now. And my girlfriend. I have a few friends who are long distance now that I spend some time texting/Skyping with once a week or so. I only have 2 coworkers, and I'll go out for meals with them once a month when we have time.
But that's about it. And I'm very happy this way. I'm an introvert and I love my me time. I'm happy to make time for others if they ask, but it's not something I would ever ask for.
Plus I have a dog and he's better than people.
Its hard to say what is and isn't a friend. I'm on very friendly terms with my next door neighbors. But ultimately I don't think we would keep in contact afterwords. So on these terms exclusively, A year ago I had no friends at all. I had 1 out of my 3 sisters. I'm heading towards getting back to 2 now. Now I do have friends.
My hair stylist was my first. We've had a lot of fun experimenting with fun and exciting hair colors throughout the year. During this time we opened up and found that while we're fairly different we think alike. She was with me when I got my first tattoo. I've switched to her new salon when she left the old one. I hope to keep in contact with her if either of us leaves the area.
More recently I decided to embrace one of my interests: Star Trek. There is a group in town that I've been aware of since CBS started releasing some of the TV seasons on blu-ray back in 2012. I've avoided it because I'm terrified of people. Its not as bad with estrogen, but I'm still somewhat afraid of people. I decided to pay them a visit finally. I met some of them. They were warm and friendly and accepted me openly. We recently had a thanksgiving party and I met several more. I'm not completely sure who are friends and who are acquaintances, but I have a pretty good feeling about several of them.
So basically its been an exciting year for me. I would encourage anyone in this situation to find an interest that could lead into finding new friends and go for it. I regret not getting into the Star Trek group sooner.
Hi Phoenix,
Until my mid teens, I thought I was worthless. Thus, I had difficulty making friends, and was constantly bullied. What began to change this way of thinking, was the death of my grandma. Reminiscing about her suffering, made me focus on the fundamental sameness of all people. After her death, whenever I would see a person suffering, I would see my own suffering and forget my social anxiety, and as a result of this empathetic way of thinking, I was constantly put in a position to make new friends.
You do need to set limitations on how much you give though, and make sure that the relationship is symbiotic. I use to make the mistake of giving myself to others, until I would feel empty. I did this partially to alleviate my gender dysphoria, but primarily because I still didn't address my feeling of not deserving anything.
All people desperately need to be appreciated and deeply heard. If look for how you can help the people you encounter meet those needs, while honoring your limitations, then you will know how to approach becoming friends with them.