Why is what is in our pants called our "private parts" when ignorant cis people always want to see what I have there?
Slightly off topic, I know, but why should you suffer needlessly.
When I meet a trans woman, I see her and feel her and desire and cherish and remember her as a woman.
The same thing happens when I talk to a trans man, watch him do his thing, feel his steadfastness, his drive, his passion, his pain.
In neither case would seeing or caressing their "private parts" change my unambiguous perception of their gender.
Maybe my openmindedness is just unusual, maybe you should stop feeling bad because of the narrowness of the average mind, maybe you should concentrate on what makes you feel good. Your choice, your call.
You can always find someone whose point of view makes you feel bad, but why should you do that? What do you gain from that? You can not change them. You suffer needlessly.
Off topic, as I said.
Ask me out for dinner, I would be delighted.
Quote from: Menoimagination on November 23, 2015, 01:54:26 PM
Why is what is in our pants called our "private parts" when ignorant cis people always want to see what I have there?
I've never wondered about a person's private parts. I focus on other things like honesty, character, and cleanliness. A person's appearance is pretty much last.
Cindi
Quote from: Menoimagination on November 23, 2015, 01:54:26 PM
Why is what is in our pants called our "private parts" when ignorant cis people always want to see what I have there?
Lots of times, I really do think it's naive curiosity. I mean... what does that red button do when you press it? Can I press it? What's in the box? Why is it wrapped so nicely? Who is it for? Me?
Most people learn all about gender when they're kids: while they learn, they ask all sorts of obnoxious, invasive, rude, and insensitive questions. Somehow, we blow their minds to the point that they return to their childlike state, because that's the context that they're familiar with learning about gender in. Somehow, I don't think it'll make things better to just talk to them like two year-olds. ;)
Whenever anyone asks me what's in my underwear... I reply 'My hairy, spotty, white [backside]'.
I then tell them that I'd be quite happy to show that to them, if they want to keep asking rude questions. 8)
I am truly glad that I haven't yet encountered anyone asking me this question. Then again I mostly only talk to friends and coworkers, and I think most people I dont know either I pass or its fuzzy enought they are afraid to assume anything. If someone did ask I don't know if I could avoid giving them a smart ass answer. Dumb questions tend to trigger those in me.
Ok very shortly after I went full time like seriously less than a week someone asked me "have you have the surgery". I replied "there are lots of surgeries but if your asking, have i had a 25,000 dollar deeply invasive major medical proceader that takes months to recover from I think you will notice when that happens"
Serena
"Buy me a drink first, at least. Wine me, dine me, treat me like a lady. Then MAYBE if it's going somewhere, you can get to see what's in my pants/up my skirt."
I'm really old fashioned that way, I guess.
Or, I can reach down and say "CZ P-07 Duty. What have you got?"
How about replying "a 9mm" then let them wonder what you mean. It works on so many different levels. Especially in the US since most people have no idea how big 9mm really is.
no ones has ever asked me that except when I was 5 and the kids I was with were doing show and tell. I think as was mentioned if there was a dinner and movie and a hotel room involved I might consider telling, especially if it was the presidential suite and champagne and possible a little caviar . not that I'm picky.
Quote from: Menoimagination on November 23, 2015, 01:54:26 PM
Why is what is in our pants called our "private parts" when ignorant cis people always want to see what I have there?
Opposite gender - it's because they're afraid they'll be attracted to you and that little reminder reinforces in their mind that their bigotry is justified.
Same gender - they want to preserve some sort of exclusivity for being cis. They feel they are better than you for being cis.
Quote from: Menoimagination on November 23, 2015, 01:54:26 PM
...ignorant cis people always want to see what I have there?
I've never been asked that question. I suggest you ask them to show you their's first. Most of them will get the message right away just how rude they've been. For those that do show you theirs, laugh at them and walk away.
I think the whole Caitlyn Jenner media circus firestorm answers your question. ALL that mattered it seemed was what was under her skirt. (Actually, even that didn't. There or not made no different as what 'she' really is)
Quote from: Ms Grace on November 27, 2015, 05:11:31 PM
I've never been asked that question. I suggest you ask them to show you their's first. Most of them will get the message right away just how rude they've been. For those that do show you theirs, laugh at them and walk away.
One guy asked to see my vag post op when I do eventually get "the op". He says he wants to see how good it is.
In reality he just wanted to make sure I have one. Him calling me "she" and feminine pronouns was based on what was in my panties. His reasoning is that he used to work in a prison and their policy was based on external genitalia.
Suffice to say we are not friends anymore.
Quote from: iKate on November 28, 2015, 07:44:25 AM
One guy asked to see my vag post op when I do eventually get "the op". He says he wants to see how good it is.
In reality he just wanted to make sure I have one. Him calling me "she" and feminine pronouns was based on what was in my panties. His reasoning is that he used to work in a prison and their policy was based on external genitalia.
Suffice to say we are not friends anymore.
What a douche
I worked in a prison and until fairly recently you were classified for a male/female institution based upon visible genitalia. When we received an inmate, they hadn't of had any bottom surgery but I called them by whatever pronoun they wished to be called.
I did have problems adjusting very early in my career to trans inmates due to lack of exposure and understanding, but I quickly did. Near the end of my long career, I often had inmates of all persuasions tell me they wished all of the staff were as kind and understanding as I was. I also got a lot of respect back from them as well since I treated them how I hoped someone would treat me if I was in their shoes. I didn't break the rules but I wasn't a tyrant.
Oh if they could only see me now. (lol)
Love,
Clare
Quote from: Ms Grace on November 27, 2015, 05:11:31 PM
I've never been asked that question. I suggest you ask them to show you their's first. Most of them will get the message right away just how rude they've been. The For those that do show you theirs, laugh at them and walk away.
Very well said! I couldn't agree more!
I think most people ask because media focuses so much on "the operation" that it's what people associate with gender reassignment. The thought of changing one's genitals is also exotic to most people, since they could never imagine doing so (unless they're themselves dysphoric and closeted, whether or not they admit that to themselves). So in many cases, I think people who ask those kinds of questions are simply curious, and not informed enough to realize that it's actually kind of rude to ask about people's genitals.
I generally try to remember what I wrote above and politely respond that 1) I'm preoperative, 2) I'm planning to have SRS and 3) I'm mostly not bothered by questions, but they should be aware that other trans people might be, and that they should consider how they'd feel is someone inquired into the state of their own genitals. If I'm less patient or notice a malicious intent (like the "you're not a real [gender] if you have a [genital layout]" attitude), I either respond with detailed questions about their genitalia ("Do you have hanging labia?" "Do you have narrow foreskin?"), or *very* detailed descriptions of the penile inversion procedure if the person asking is a cis guy, with emphasis on the dissection part. I kind of enjoy seeing the color on their face after a few minutes.
But most of the time, I find the questions to be motivated by genuine, innocent curiosity - and then I usually choose to educate them. If not in the mood, I just kindly explain that yes, I'm preop, but please, consider if you'd ask a cis person the same question. They usually get the point.
I've actually only gotten that once so far, and it wasn't exactly a question. It was from a drunk guy and his buddy who shouted "show us your dick". I just said however big mine was, I could fold it in half and it would still be longer than theirs. Now, if someone politely asked what I have in my drawers, I'd consider explaining that it was a rather impolite thing to ask and certainly none of their business.
I'm very open about it, and an exhibitionist. Thousands of people have seen my junk, lol. I've also had a lot of guys interested in it, even if they weren't initially inclined, which has really surprised me. And even in person I've been surprised by the enthusiasm exhibited by some to interact with it, again even when they weren't initially inclined and where I was their first. In polite company, where I've disclosed that I'm trans, I don't think it's come up often. When it has, I just roll with it because I do understand the curiosity and like what was previously mentioned, there is a big focus on it among cis people because it's the aspect of transition that seems to be (ironically) the most visible to the public. I'm also not embarrassed by it or uncomfortable with the topic, so if they ask about surgery I simply say I'm considering it, which is usually followed by a simple acknowledgement and we move on from it. Really, if the person is generally agreeable and they're just curious, I don't feel like it's something to get hostile over even if it is a rude thing to bring up. Then again, most of the time it's people wanting to know which way their sexual fantasies are going to go. ::)