So hu how do I begin this .
So right now I'm depressed and confused I'm not exited or happy for holidays I've been seeing a therapist for quit a few weeks and it's not helping .the reason I'm confused and depressed is my mom offered to buy me girly things for xmas but I'm to scared to ask her for anything mostly because I'm scared to advance in my transition at all but I don't know why I want to be a girl but then why am I so scared to start transitioning I need help I can't keep living with this confusion it's ruining my life
Have you talked with your therapist about this ?
There are two things imo:
-often if we have something doubts arise. Well I'd say just work through them, try to replace them with a feeling of joy.
Its your right to do things that bring you in alignment with who you are.
Just do it and enjoy it and be happy.
-often trangender people are sensitive to what they perceive from others.
Just know this and try to keep to what makes you happy... not what you think is expected from you.
You might talk with your mom about this. She probably wants to make you happy, so just enjoy and go shopping...
-you might try to decrease your overall anxiety and stress level.
Eating healthy... having a walk or some regular exercise... and not too much stress or too many activities... time to relax...
or if there is too much time to think about things try to do something you like... read a book... etc...
have some trust all will be all right. Try to enjoy yourself.
*hugs*
You are feeling good old fashion fear. If you have the clothes you will have to wear them so it's safer not to have them around. The fear you feel is normal and most of us faced it at one point in time or another. The way around it is to have some outfits you can wear and first wear them around the house with family. Once you are comfortable with that, you need to go somewhere public with people you trust and present as female there. The public place should be someplace where you are comfortable and it may be a place where there aren't many people around. Then you will be ready to face others at school. Don't try to appear in public all at once, take it a little at a time with people you are comfortable with.
I started by going to my therapy groups and once I was comfortable with that, I started living full time. I didn't have anyone to help me but I have helped others become comfortable in public.
Something to consider is we can change your screen name. It can't be something that somebody else is using. I did a little looking under Members on the top of the screen and Liz is used so I worked out a suggestion for you "I'm Liz". You may pick any name you wish or stay with what you have but you only get 2 name changes a year so consider it carefully.
If transition makes you uncomfortable (like it did me at first), what you can try is to just ease into it slowly. It's like getting into a somwhat cool swimming pool - sure it may be a shock at first, but you'll get used to it. Just take small steps.
Change is scary. Transition, your Mom buying you things that don't make sense to your life till now...It is all change and change is scary.
I don't know why I think I am female or in your words, "want to be a girl". It just is in me. I am not wholly at peace with it yet. I have only been dealing with this thought for about a year now. However, I can tell you that the urge to dress as a girl and do things as a girl has been with me my whole life. I am a lot older than you. It doesn't go away. So, while you may not understand why, you may still want to embrace the idea.
So much of life is ahead of you. I know at a younger age, I would be frightened that I am going to screw up my whole life. It doesn't make it any easier, but I can tell you, life can be what you make of it.
Good luck. Keep reaching out to friends, counselors and this site as often as you need.
With warmth,
Joanna