Hello everyone,
I was active here on the forum about 3 years ago, but I'm not anymore. Back then I encountered a member who called herself Noey, and I was deeply facinated by this person. We sent a few messages and we became friends. She came to visit me overseas, and a little over a half a year later we were madly in love and planned on getting married and her moving to my country so that we could spend our lives together.
Just a little under a year ago she got really sick, and we both went trough incredible trauma as a result of it. The road to recovery has been hell, but in the end it was just too much for her. She ended her life just a few days ago. She was the only person I've ever been in love with. I will always love her and miss her :(
I have never lost anyone so close to me like this before, and the pain is just unbearable. She was such an amazing, beautiful, funny, intelligent and creative person. We had such great times together, and it just breaks my heart that all that is left are the memories inside my head, and I feel so alone and lost right now.
I'm sorry for the bad news. I just thought you should know.
Love, Maria
Please accept my condolences
I remember Noey. Thank you for updating us on her life. Please accept my condolences.
Sincere condolences Maria I'm so sorry for your loss.
It is so rare to find somebody like her.
She will always be a part of you.
Dear MariaMx;
I am so sorry to read about the loss of your friend and I can really understand the hurt you're feeling inside.
It will sound corny, but as long as you remember your friend she will never really die. She will live on in your thoughts and in your heart at the age and way you remember her best, just no new memories will be added.
I'm a suicide survivor and I can understand where your friend was coming from. The pain, be it mental or physical was just too much to carry any more and she developed tunnel vision. Circumstances closed her vision to where all she could see was the solution she chose to end her personal torment and unfortunately she closed out any thought of friends, family or assistance from the outside.
Please don't blame her. She wasn't thinking clearly when she did it. Instead, celebrate her life and the good times you had together and think of the good person she was.
I didn't get to meet her but I believe we as human beings and a community all lose when someone takes their life.
Love,
Clare
My condolences. :(
We´ve never met so I don´t know if it´s appropriate, but virtual hug if you want one.
And lots of strength to you in dealing with this.
:icon_flower:
sorry for your pain
I am sorry for your loss
*hugs*
My condolences.
Thank you all for your kind words and support.
I'm going through a very tough time right now, so I probably won't spend much time here. At the moment, I feel bifurcated. I keep having this little dialog in my head, things I would like to tell her. Things I would have wanted her to know. Important things, but then I remember that she is gone, and that she will never ever know. It just hurts so bad I don't know what to do with myself :(
What really gets me, and this is something that I never expected, how important our shared experiences and memories are. We had some great times together. We traveled together and we have worked together. We went exploring old abandoned houses and underground power sub-stations. We lay an open field on our backs wearing snow mobile suits in the winter, looking up at the starry sky, trying to see satellites, the milky way and shooting stars (we saw a really nice one). One day the summer after Noey made a rocket that we went and sent up from that very same field. The rocket went off course, and we worried that it might start a fire (it didn't).
I was so looking forward to a time in the future when we would reminisce about these things. The memories I have of these things would have been mirrored and anchored in the external world, but now.....they are just memories in my head, and I can't relive the memories with her. Some of these memories are probably the best ones of my life, but now that she is gone we will never get to relive them together. The memories are my cargo, and now I'm a lonely ship lost at sea, never to see port again. It's just so sad.
I think my most favorite moment though was the night she kissed me for the first time. I had fallen madly in love with her a couple of months earlier while we were doing video chats. We would talk for hours every day, and then one day on the radio, I heard the song Stranded by Lutricia McNeil, and while listening to the lyrics it struck me as a bolt of lightning that I was in love with her. It was the strange thing as I wasn't into women. But she was something special. One of a kind (she really was. I've never met anyone like her before. She has just as much moxy and character as her writings in this forum). I was fearful I'd scare her away if I told her, so I was willing to keep my mouth shut for the sake of our friendship. Then she came to spend the summer. She would sleep in my bed with me, and every night before bedtime she'd give me these wonderful hugs. Then one night, she kissed me and told me she loved me. I silently cried that night while listening to her breath in her sleep. It was the best moment of my life. I don't know what I'll do without her.
Here is a picture of me and her walking along a beach in Spain. I had just tossed my gopro while doing a burst shot. I thought I'd share this photo of us together. We are not recognizable, obviously, but that's just the way it's got to be. But never the less, it's a picture of the two of us together on vacation (me on the left and Noey on the right)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi796.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fyy242%2FStjerneskruen%2FThisnThat%2FG0326277_.jpg&hash=b0c09d92281266739a254027d7b70ab470c2f347)
You describe love as it should always be, happiness that seems beyond possible, dreams come true, hearts being one, my reason for living.
I fell in love with a woman once, we shared minutes, hours and days together, we would lie naked on the bed and talk and laugh and never touch each other, have tea with milk in the afternoon, go shopping together, tell each other everything, cry when we had to part, maybe forever.
I will always keep looking for someone like her, always be ready for someone who is ready for me, never forget her, always remember the way she made me feel, learning to be the one who makes others feel that way.
She will always be a part of me.
Sincere condolences!
my Sincere condolences.
Sorry for your loss. I think we can all understand or at least empathize both situations.
Joanna
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My thoughts are with you at your loss. Please cherish your memories of your lives together. She will always be with you.
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Wow so sorry to hear this =(
Sorry to hear about your loss.
So very sorry.
Sorry for your loss :(