i can't stand any of this. my mom's been increasingly yelling at me calling me "disgusting", "freak", and various other things for trying to express and explore my identity and sexuality, and i just feel horrible about everything. i feel like i shouldn't be here, like i'm just not compatible to be here. my mom has straight up told me that she doesn't support me and doesn't like what i'm doing or how i feel, and told me to do it (commit suicide) when i told her about depression and how horrible i feel and that i want to commit.
That is pretty toxic behaviour. We expect adult behaviour from adults, especially our parents, but some are just incapable of being supportive and accepting. Do you have any other family options that you could maybe move to?
no sadly, my mom is the only family member in town that i can live with
Is there someone you can talk about this with? At school maybe, or a friend's parent.
IMO the behavior you describe a clear case of emotional abuse. I encourage you to find allies. This is a something you shouldn't have to deal with alone. There may be a way your local Child Protective Services (or whatever the agency that protects young people) might be able to help you.
i've tried going to cps, multiple times. And every time they sat me down and talked to me for a little bit and sent me home again. No one's bothered to do anything, and even after turning 17 recently I doubt they'd continue to do much.
If you have a place to go to, you could try for emancipation.