Heyas ive always been extremely ambitious and passionate about my work, my mom always said to be the best at what i do even if im just the drive through guy at mcdonalds, be the best drive through guy theyve ever had.
This leads me to today, well really the last couple weeks as ive begun to dress more androgenous at work and perfect my eyebrows and low profile makeup.
Ive yet to begin hrt, first therapy session booked for next week!
But ive noticed lately that all the important managers have been extra social with me and uncomfortably touchy feely i swear one more man hug or grab on the shoulder im going to learn karate, like seriously a hand shake is good but theres no reason for a half hug...
I just found out today im going to be heading up our own in house plc programming division as we prepare for our 3rd party engineer to retire. Even more i got a nice raise last week.
Im kind of overwhelmed at the moment as im still responsible for all the hydraulic maintenance on our rides (i work at an amusement park)
Theyre also in talks with the owner for me to take over our water treatment facility.
I dont want to take on too much and set myself up to fail but if i turn anything down i feel it will reflect on my progress within the company, ive only worked there for 4 months and feel like im a game changer to them.
Do you think this recent rapid advancement has anything to do with my looks, my desire to be the best or a combination of both.
I definitely get the vibe my manager is in the closet, the constant looks, physical contact and oddly active socializing.
Im married and happy, not into guys just women and trans women and this whole thing kind of has me flustered lol
What should i do?
~Shan~
This falls under the definition of sexual harassment.
1. Write down and document everything that happens every time it happens.
2. Make it clear (at least once for each person involved) that you don't welcome this sort of attention.
3. If after #2, it continues, talk to your human resources department.
The penalties for companies that get sued for sexual harassment are severe enough that no company wants to be on the wrong end of that.
Hugs, Shandril. This is a very uncomfortable situation to be in. Please let us know what happens.
As someone who is very ambitious and driven for work ( i was a Director in my chosen field at age 27) , all i can say is balance the rest of your life or at least make sure it is well integrated with your work efforts. I struggled at that and my spouse and family graciously covered for me, but it is a regret.
Watch the sexual harassment thing closely with this person. Document everything as Suzi says. Be prepared to call an action "unwanted" politely to him, because that is usually the standard for harassment, and that starts the process of whether he will break the law or not.
Sorry you have to face that along with all the other added pressure.
Dear Shan:
What an interesting post, and I can relate in many ways as I was a fast track, frequently promoted staff member all of my career (I'm retired now). I didn't have transitioning in the mix until after I had retired and was doing other professional things, but still I have a little different view than what has been said so far though not any major disagreement with what has been said.
- I'd be cautious and excited about what is happening - it is occurring fast and you don't want to fail from over commitment. In fact, a good career strategy is to under commit and over achieve within reason.
- You didn't indicate that you thought you were being discriminated against or otherwise targeted. Your subtle affects may have been noticed and leadership may simply be unsure what to do or how to react. Keeping records is a good idea but unless there are real signs of abuse consider that it's possible there isn't any underlying discrimination going on.
- It maybe that your hire was in part anticipating a key tech staff member retiring. If that's the case, what is going on makes sense sans the "touchy feely stuff," but even there it might be related.
- You didn't say anything about discussing your transition at work. Perhaps you ought to give that some thought and possibly discuss this with an experienced gender therapist and/or labor specialist/lawyer if you are very concerned.
Those are just a few of my thoughts - a little different perhaps but hopefully useful. Also, if there's policy in your company about discrimination you ought to bone up on it.
Take good care and stay in touch,
Rachel
P.S. feel free to PM me if you'd like.
Ty Rachel, i plan on informing hr once i finally begin hrt and or see physical changes.
Until then its not a huge bother and ive recently started firing back remarks showing my displeasure in overly physical contact, which resulted in an awkward handshake today haha i expected the half hug but got none it was great.
Speaking your mind definitly helps especially when something is making you feel uncomfortable.
~Shan~
Yah, I'm frequently reminded about the old saw concerning vinegar and sugar and catching flys, though i never quite got why catching flys was so important . . . :angel:
Take good care and if I can be a sounding board or otherwise serve you, feel free to ask.
Rachel
I worked at a military base for awhile, and got more chest pats than I care to remember. Never happened anywhere else I worked, but as casual physical contact goes, I think that I disliked that one the most.