The other night my wife asked me :
Are you sure you dont just want to be a really good looking guy?
~Shan~
Ask her if she wants to be a really good looking guy.
Quote from: Shandril on December 19, 2015, 09:10:28 AM
The other night my wife asked me :
Are you sure you dont just want to be a really good looking guy?
~Shan~
Tell her being transgender is biological.
It has to do with brain development before birth, there are parts different in women and men.
It has nothing to do with want to be.
Its just as you are.
One makes you feel comfortable the other doesn't (cute girl vs cute guy)
hugs
I like both tbh im kinda gender fluid lol but prefer a femme boy when dressed as a man thats about the only way i get my femme fix in public
I've asked myself that recently. When I identified as male, I wore tattered & faded black jeans until they got too torn in the crotch to wear in public; the same black fleece vest every day, and various drab-colored t-shirts. Same exact outfit every day, for over 15 years. The pants and vest were washed when I could smell 'em from across the room. Well, a few days after that point, actually, because it took me a while to get around to things. But dressing feminine, for me, means not dressing like a slob all the time.
Additionally, I'm starting a new job soon, and I'm planning to aim for "dyke" so that I can pass as male but still feel femme. So I asked myself: could I be happy just wearing nicer guy clothes? I didn't think the answer would be yes, so I didn't try hard.
Last week i was trying to put together an outfit. I was in boymode, and I had to go to a department christmas party on the same day that I had to speak in front of a bunch of high school kids. I wanted to wear something that would be appropriate for both events, and despite being in boymode, I desperately wanted my outfit to resonate with any gender nonconforming youth in the crowd. Figuring out my outfit took quite a bit of trial and error.
In playing dress-up, I accidentally stumbled on a very sexy guy outfit -- the kind only straight Persian men can pull off... not even gay guys feel comfortable looking this good. The gears started turning... and I asked my boy self "would you ever wear this?" And he was like "um... can I have my vest back? It still smells about the same..." Eventually, I decided that this sexy man should take my wife out on a date, even if it makes me feel a little uncomfortable. After all, I've grown accustomed to finding myself dressed too feminine or too masculine partway through the day. She knows that the outfit would be a special occasion and not "the new me" or something. It's just another outfit I can have fun with.
To dress like a stylin' dude all the time? No. Absolutely not. I can't be happy just as a good-looking guy. Explicit femininity is necessary.
SO can be pretty brutal :-\ :-\
Your wife may not understand. I think what she is saying is are you sure. Sorry she is doubting you.
"How will being male get you ahead in life?"
How is my arts degree getting me ahead? (answer: it's not ;) ) How would staying female get me ahead?
lol to be fair this was a long while ago but it's a question others ask me too
I'll characterize the question that I asked myself: bargaining. I need to find a compromise to feel safe going to work. I'm still going through denial -- I still find myself wishing that this would all go away. This is grief. I'd put my money on it being the same with your SO.
Our SOs are human, and they can't bite their tongues every single time grief thoughts come to mind. It's nice when they try.
Quote from: sparrow on December 20, 2015, 03:07:18 AM
Our SOs are human, and they can't bite their tongues every single time grief thoughts come to mind. It's nice when they try.
^This!^ We all need to keep this in mind.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on December 20, 2015, 04:51:06 AM
^This!^ We all need to keep this in mind.
Double this. They are human and grieving the loss of their special person. We would like them to see that we are still that person, but when everything on our surface presentation changes, that is a lot to handle. Still, I get so tired of the biting remarks about everything I do or say. I know it comes from hurt and anger, but I so wish I still had my special, safe place. Others say that with time, we may get there, but it's hard to see at this point.
Quote from: Dena on December 19, 2015, 09:18:27 AM
Ask her if she wants to be a really good looking guy.
Exactly.
This is the easiest way to convey to cis people what it is like to be trans, I find. Although none of it is all that easy.
Quote from: sparrow on December 20, 2015, 03:07:18 AM
I'll characterize the question that I asked myself: bargaining. I need to find a compromise to feel safe going to work. I'm still going through denial -- I still find myself wishing that this would all go away. This is grief. I'd put my money on it being the same with your SO.
Our SOs are human, and they can't bite their tongues every single time grief thoughts come to mind. It's nice when they try.
Love the way you put this Sparrow. Let's not be too judgmental of them either. I've even forced myself to be conforming to the straight and narrow paths of society for a long time before becoming more self aware and brave enough to start following my heart.
Oh don't get me wrong, I know that people around me find this hard too. It's just that's the very first thing I was told, and the thing I've heard most often, and sometimes it's tiring to hear that I don't belong to myself when that's what transitioning is supposed to be about. That when they said surface wasn't important before I came out, it was obviously a lie...
my ex-wife and church and all of them tried to convince me I could be happy being a metrosexual guy.
I was like you really don't get it.....