So close to the holidays too :/
My day started out great too, my friend came over and did my nails again. We seem to make it a routine now. She did it a sort of snow flake style, as if it was snowing, not an emblem of a flake (although she did do that on both my pinkies) and instead of it being blue and white, she did purple and white with like small black spots to make it look prettier. They turned out great and we had a blast. Later that night my mom decided to have a family game night so I said "why not". My mistake.
We were playing this game we got years ago on our dvd player and it was only tow player so we had to take turns. We didn't even make it through the first two people to finish their game before my mother brought up "did you get your nails done again? Come on". I've asked her before not to say anything because my brother is far against anything to do with LGBT stuff. Not for religion, but personal preference I think (because he's atheist). It didn't take long for both him and my father to jump in on that conversation. What from my brother using any name possible to try and prove his point from my argument of "why does it matter to you" to my fathers "it's just not right", I'm not sure what got to me the most. But what I think what got to me the most was my mother's comment like "they don't even look good". Uhm, hello? Excuse you? I didn't freak out at them, I just stayed quiet and played the game to keep the peace. Here's the kicker.
We were about to play a round of the sorry board game when my brother and father went for a smoke. I confronted my mother asking why she'd say something after I asked her before not to. She got a little aggravated and rolled her eyes. I then went on to explain why it bothered me and how it was connected to how I was feeling and transitioning. What led me on to believe that she, nor any other of my family members actually care, all she had to say was "whatever".
I can't even explain how much that hurt. It's been days since the incident, and this is the first night I've spent home since. Luckily I have a friend who's parents would be fine if I moved in with them. I packed up a fair amount of my stuff and set out at around midnight to their place. Now I'm stuck with the decision of do I want to be with my family or live with my friend. Worst of all I have to make this decision on Christmas day.
How do you deal with this? I haven't been able to sleep, I'm more depressed than ever. Any advice? I'm so confused...
Rachel
I have seen that attitude from family and others before. I can't say it will change, although I hope it does for your sake. You have done what I would have recommend you do which is speak up and tell them how you feel. I'm not sure there is much you can do to change how they are treating you inside that house. Do you have another place you can stay or go that is more excepting? Hugs
Mariah
Well, currently there are only two friends that know of my transitioning and my parents. The one friend (Mike) is where I was staying the past few days, but I fear he may have forgotten because he slips a few comments here and there. I could always go to friend two's place (Emma) who's the one that has been doing my nails and has started using my new name and pronouns. It seems logical to go to her place, but I'm not sure how that would go. Everything in the province I'm in is beginning to become a hassle. I technically have my own place on the other side of the country, but right now I'll only be able to move there throughout the summer. I said technically because it's my boyfriends place that he got for the both of us.
It's possible that your friend just accidentally forgets from time to time. Old habits are hard to break without that happening once in awhile. I'm not trying to excuse what it, but maybe it explain it. Your right it does feel logical though to go to your friend Emma's place. Ah, I see. Hugs
Mariah
Rachel,
First of all, I'm sending hugs, thoughts, and prayers your way. I don't have any great wisdom but like the advice you've been given above. Perhaps, if you want to make an effort to save Christmas with your family just tell your Mom and Dad that you want to spend the time with them but you need them to promise, at the very least, to try their darndest to zip their lips when they find themselves tempted to make disparaging remarks to you. Such a promise doesn't guarantee they won't give into the temptation but it forces them to at least somewhat come to terms with what they are doing to you by saying such things. If they can't bring themselves to even say those words, well then, maybe it's best for you to go to your girl friend's house for a safe haven for awhile if that works out.
The fact that your family was at least trying to play games together tells me that your relationship isn't always such a train-wreck. There's always hope for a better day.
Oh - and I'm glad you like your nails - they sound lovely!
Love,
Denali