So I know this is what i want, to be female, and pretty much always have been, but one thing bothers me.
I am attracted to women, and often when I either write calling my self female or think about being called a girl I get aroused. This is kind of freaking me out because I don't know what it means.
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A normal physical reaction that disappears once on anti-androgens.
Don't worry!
Also, your gender identity is not your sexual orientation. You might identify as female but that doesn't mean you have to be attracted to men. It is not unusual for MTF trans women to be attracted to women.
Don't worry so much about that. Most women get aroused when they think of themselves as attractive and sexy looking. Its men who get this idea in there head that the only reason a woman might dress in a sexy manner is to make a man happy when in fact most women who get themselves all done up are doing it for the same reason men wear suits, to make themselves feel attractive and successful.
I am attracted to women, always have been and it has not even wiggled a bit after 10 months on hormones, 6 months full time. One thing that has changed is that my sex drive is healing. I realized that to deal with the dysphoria and self hatred I had mostly twisted my sex drive into knots and had largely denied letting myself feel attracted to people and was never able to talk about finding someone attractive. That has been fixing itself. I am happy to say for the first time perhaps ever when I see a woman I find attractive I no longer avoid thinking about it, or punish myself for feeling that way I just let it happen.
On a lighter but related note a few months ago I was sitting around and a friend asked me a question but I was not paying attention, they said my name again and I looked up, and said "sorry I was staring at my cleavage, Hashtag trans lesbian problems" and Smiled.
Serena
Quote from: Valwen on December 28, 2015, 03:39:59 AM
Don't worry so much about that. Most women get aroused when they think of themselves as attractive and sexy looking. Its men who get this idea in there head that the only reason a woman might dress in a sexy manner is to make a man happy when in fact most women who get themselves all done up are doing it for the same reason men wear suits, to make themselves feel attractive and successful.
I am attracted to women, always have been and it has not even wiggled a bit after 10 months on hormones, 6 months full time. One thing that has changed is that my sex drive is healing. I realized that to deal with the dysphoria and self hatred I had mostly twisted my sex drive into knots and had largely denied letting myself feel attracted to people and was never able to talk about finding someone attractive. That has been fixing itself. I am happy to say for the first time perhaps ever when I see a woman I find attractive I no longer avoid thinking about it, or punish myself for feeling that way I just let it happen.
On a lighter but related note a few months ago I was sitting around and a friend asked me a question but I was not paying attention, they said my name again and I looked up, and said "sorry I was staring at my cleavage, Hashtag trans lesbian problems" and Smiled.
Serena
You started getting cleavage that early on?
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Not exactly. I am fat so I already had some chest fat going on. If I cross my arms wearing a low cut top I can fake it. Over all being fat sucks but there is that one upside. There has been some growth though not much but some.
Serena
Hi -
You've gotten some really wise feedback here. Good luck and be who you are.
Rachel