Hey :)
I am slowly easing into my new name, Rowan.
I like it and I think it fits me very well.
The thing is. It feels a bit weird to use it. I had my old name for 28 years, and I don´t feel like that anymore, but it was given to me and everybody used it, and that´s why it seemed to make sense.
I also had to get used to getting called "young man", so maybe it just takes some time.
What was your experience using your new name?
Bit strange to get used to it as I had my deadname for 21 yrs. I still fill dissociated from it; a similar feeling that I had with my other name. I also didn't have that sort of 'oh wow, I finally found a name that fits me perfectly' sort of moment that you hear other people having; so maybe that contributes to my new name still sounding strange to me. Additionally it doesn't help that the only place I don't get deadnamed is at work; so I haven't had a real chance to get used to my new name. Plus I only had my name legally changed in August this year.
It's still weird for me. But if someone says "Hey Jake!" at work, I respond. I don't think names are a big deal but you do get used to it... still not quite comfortable with my parents using my new name surprisingly
Rowan, it does take time to get used too. My first time around at transition I just couldn't get used it, but this time around it took a small amount of time to used to responding to it. Now I couldn't dream of being called by any other name. it took time to not react to the name Michael any more when at a doctor's office and they will call out for someone else who still has that first name. It takes time and with each change we adjust over time as we are ready to and get used to it. Hugs
Mariah
I know a Rowan, you the same Rowan from transalive?
I'm still thinking of which new name to use but I honestly only expect strangers to be polite enough to use it. Everyone else, family, friends etc. I fully expect to just not bother using the name I ask for - they're just not considerate in that way or would probably think it was ridiculous. So, I'll probably end up choosing a name I like and not a "sensible" one lol.
My family currently calls me "C.R" which is the initial of my old name and the initial of my new name :P I am hoping they will adjust to using the new one in time. It´s still new for them.
Quote from: Mariah2014 on December 30, 2015, 12:34:52 PM
Rowan, it does take time to get used too. My first time around at transition I just couldn't get used it, but this time around it took a small amount of time to used to responding to it. Now I couldn't dream of being called by any other name. it took time to not react to the name Michael any more when at a doctor's office and they will call out for someone else who still has that first name. It takes time and with each change we adjust over time as we are ready to and get used to it. Hugs
Mariah
That is good to know. I thought maybe I was supossed to feel like it "fit me" immediately. Same as with being called "young man" being sort of awkward still. Glad I´m not the only one. I will just be patient.
I am not the Rowan from transalive so that must be a different one ;D
This was one reason I started using Grace as my forum name, it gave me the chance to use it and have people call me by that name, or to see myself being referred to as Grace...by the time it came to transitioning to full time I was quite used to it.
I was fortunate enough to have ample time to test-drive my new name in a support group. That gave me a chance to get used to it and see how it felt. It kept on feeling right, and now it's my legal name. A couple of people still slip up now and then, but that seems to be a bit less painful now. And on Christmas day, the family member who's had the most trouble with my transition called my by the old name -- and immediately corrected herself. That felt like huge progress!
Yeah bro, it takes time cause its new. I was 26 when I started to transition so I definitely understand where you're coming from on having your given name for so long but I'm glad you found a name that you really like and feel fits who you are :)
Rowan's a great name!
I used mine from the time I was 11 on the internet. But people calling me that in real life definitely took some getting used to! I had a girlfriend that lived with me so I got used to it pretty quick.
I had my male name for 48 yrs and the moment I chose my Female name and heard it by anyone, even if it's someone else like on TV, it grabs my attention.
Just seems natural to me to respond to "Jessika".
Family members are starting to shortcut to Jess. :)
I changed my name about a year ago. It felt a bit odd at first, but after several months things changed and my prior name felt awkward and inappropriate. The bottom line, it does take some time, which I think is only natural.
On any technicality I've been using my new name on and off for the past 7 years, I say I prefer using Kate as opposed to my birth name. Though signature wise I do like the look of my old name, since its very crisp, though I can probably find a way for Kate to look just as good in a signature.
Kate <3
Thank you, Rowan, for sharing this. I have been feeling the same way and was worried that something was wrong with me. I hate the female that I was supposed to be and yet I have weird moments of anxiety over stupid little things like my name. I hate it if someone dead names me but I don't know how to be strong enough to correct them. It still feels so new to me that I've actually called my four year old nephew Steinarr a couple of times, luckily he's young enough where I can turn it into a what's your name game and he just thinks I'm some silly/weird dude.
But anyways, being this false female for 24 years was still my identity and in some ways I feel as though I'm going through a bit of a grieving period.
Bit of a tangent, but there's a trans guy, Ethan Smith, who reads this amazing poem that he wrote called, "A Letter to the Girl I Used to Be." It's on YouTube through button poetry.
Quote from: steel86man on January 14, 2016, 04:16:26 AM
Thank you, Rowan, for sharing this. I have been feeling the same way and was worried that something was wrong with me. I hate the female that I was supposed to be and yet I have weird moments of anxiety over stupid little things like my name.
Hey dude, you´re welcome, and I feel exactly the same as how you describe. I hate that I still have a body that I feel should belong to someone I´m not anymore (I´m 28, so I went through a lot of years thinking I was supossed to be female). I also find myself grieving over the "old me", because I don´t hate her so much, I just don´t want to be her anymore and I feel like she´s holding me back.
Think of it this way: if people mispronounce your name (even if you´re not trans), you have all the right to correct them as well. It´s not that weird, and people need time adjusting, but if you stand up for yourself and your name they will call you by your correct name.
I chose a name similar to my birth name for a reason. (Mitchell versus Michelle) And yet I still have a difficult time on occasion remembering to call myself Mitch in my head when I talk to myself, lol. I have no problem responding to it, and it doesn't feel weird at all since it is so close to the name I had, but when I am frustrated and silently chastising myself I sometimes screw up. It's normal. I have the hardest time remembering to refer to myself as "daddy" rather than "mommy" with my dogs. That one is the strangest for me!
Quote from: FtMitch on January 14, 2016, 08:18:55 AM
I chose a name similar to my birth name for a reason. (Mitchell versus Michelle) And yet I still have a difficult time on occasion remembering to call myself Mitch in my head when I talk to myself, lol. I have no problem responding to it, and it doesn't feel weird at all since it is so close to the name I had, but when I am frustrated and silently chastising myself I sometimes screw up. It's normal. I have the hardest time remembering to refer to myself as "daddy" rather than "mommy" with my dogs. That one is the strangest for me!
I get that self talk piece. I don't do as much but in the beginning, I'd say, "come on girl, no dude!" And I have all sisters so I've said to my mom once "I'm the only one of your daughters, kids..." But it's getting easier and I find that I slip up less. Like today I was talking about my lacrosse pregame ritual (still femme and in denial at that time) and I said "I was the dude who had to keep things the same." It felt good to know that I could affirm myself in reference to the past. Seems trivial but it was nice.
I think the biggest problem with me adjusting is who exactly is saying the name. I work and I have returned to uni since understanding that I am trans and it's been a lot harder during role-call and basic tasks where I have to understand that my deadname is being used because I am closeted. If my SO uses my proper name, I immediately register that I am being talked to, but when I had a call for a separate interview and they used it..I responded "Yes, this is deadname/realname" and it was kind of awkward.
Many of my friends over the last 18 years have always used Beverly. In fact, some of them may not even know my male name. I have mentioned elsewhere that I've known my therapist for 15 years and she's always called me Beverly. So getting used to it won't be a big deal for me and fortunately both my first and middle name are not that common so I won't hear them very often. In fact my middle name is so rare I will probably never hear it again unless someone in the family deadnames me on purpose.
For me this was about allowing myself to use it. I grew up in a world of forbiddances. When I was told by many people I was 'not a woman and will never be, because I am lacking certain parts' in my late 20s, I thought argumentum ad populum knew better. My ass they knew better. It is what is in the head that counts.
Apart from that, I had this one smooth. At work just responding to my name from the day one of being out. I didn't like having to turn and react on my old name anyway. Since I choose my name, I was happy when someone called me by it.
I´ve completely changed to it now, it´s not as weird any more.
I don´t hear my old name often, I think that helps.
In the beginning of transition you´re in a weird stage, still hanging on to your old identity because you can´t make the leap at once (that´s how it worked for me).
I actuall get cranky now when people call me by my old name.
Progress has it´s positive and negative aspects :laugh:
I went from "Nat" to "Matt", and the very first time I heard "Matt", I reacted like that had been my name all along, since it sounds so close. However, it's been months now, and only a few people call me Matt in person. Due to health problems, I can't bind, and my voice hasn't seemed to change at all yet, so at work I still haven't "come out". Despite me saying I prefer my new name, my mom still calls me by my birth name. So I've had this new name for over 6 months now, and I still feel uncomfortable when people use the name. Every time I hear it, it makes me aware of everything going on in my life and it all just feels so wrong.
I'm getting top surgery next month (Feb), so I'm hoping once I'm able to get most people calling me by my preferred name, it'll get comfortable much more quickly.
At least, I really hope that's how it happens. :/