With my impeccable credentials as a deportee from the UK, I received the following to post to my USA members.
Aussies are of course exempt as we are too wonderful.
A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
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1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
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3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
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11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
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13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
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14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
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15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Them's fighting words
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VL7XS_8qgXM
lol. I don't think I need worry about this. It won't be happening. Hugs
Mariah
Dena,
:eusa_clap: That is what I liked about Andrew Jackson. Take that back, Queenie!
Joelene
:)
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 eggs
3/4 cup milk
1/2 cup pan drippings from roast prime rib of beef
Add Checked Items To Grocery List
Directions
Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F.
Sift together the flour and salt in a bowl. In another bowl, beat together the eggs and milk until light and foamy. Stir in the dry ingredients just until incorporated. Pour the drippings into a 9-inch pie pan, cast iron skillet, or square baking dish. Put the pan in oven and get the drippings smoking hot. Carefully take the pan out of the oven and pour in the batter. Put the pan back in oven and cook until puffed and dry, 15 to 20 minutes.
Recipe courtesy of Tyler Florence
Given the current political climate of the US, that would be an improvement....Although, I would ask for a some clarity on how this affects those of us who were born in North Dakota...and who were inclined to move south to a warmer place like almost anywhere else.
Just so we can keep "z" and not have to use "zed". That zed thing is a deal breaker.
Jen
I forgot to say - it was written by John Cleese :laugh:
It's a riot no matter who wrote it ;D
Quote from: Cindy on January 01, 2016, 01:03:29 AM
I forgot to say - it was written by John Cleese :laugh:
Quote from: Cindy on December 31, 2015, 11:58:07 PM
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
We already took care of that tea stuff once, don't make us do it again! Although, as a southern belle, I do have to admit an ice cold glass of tea with lots of sugar and lemon sure is good on a hot summer day.
Quote from: Cindy on January 01, 2016, 01:03:29 AM
I forgot to say - it was written by John Cleese :laugh:
so we don't have to give up beheading turkeys by the millions
What about make them drive on the correct side of the road as well?
As someone who has lived my entire life under the benign tyranny of her imperial highness Liz Two, I can say it's not too bad. Except you have to put up with her face on all your coins. And her husband is a right royal git...
Quote from: Jenny07 on January 01, 2016, 01:22:17 AM
What about make them drive on the correct side of the road as well?
That's in point 6!
Quote from: Jenny07 on January 01, 2016, 01:22:17 AM
What about make them drive on the correct side of the road as well?
Here we go with that again! At least we got our Canadian brothers to go on the RIGHT side of the road! And at 115v, 60 Hz!
Joelene
When someone we will not mention was stopped in Hawai'i for driving at 100mph.
I thought that thingy was in km per hour?
just think if Hilary Clinton was your Queen
I will take a pass on that. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: stephaniec on January 01, 2016, 01:34:47 AM
just think if Hilary Clinton was your Queen
With open carry in Texas the queens militia would run back to england5
Ye must not vote for Trumpet to be el president and be a global laughing stock.
I fear 2016 will be all about a vote to go back to the dark ages for Oosa.
I'm with you on most of that. But the $10 gas is a deal breaker.
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The queen should ask King George III how well that worked out. :)
Quote from: Jenny07 on January 01, 2016, 02:40:28 AM
Ye must not vote for Trumpet to be el president and be a global laughing stock.
I fear 2016 will be all about a vote to go back to the dark ages for Oosa.
I'm voting for Rand Paul.
Americans can't elect a competent president but we elected David Cameron? ::) ::) ::)
Quote from: Deborah on January 01, 2016, 03:46:58 AM
I'm with you on most of that. But the $10 gas is a deal breaker.
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I think I speak for many Texans when I say $10 is a good start.
Quote from: Colleen M on January 01, 2016, 12:27:02 PM
I think I speak for many Texans when I say $10 is a good start.
Umm... If the $10 a gallon translated back to $200 a barrel for crude oil that would help US producers of oil, not just in Texas, but in North Dakota as well. Otherwise it is just more taxes. I seem to recall someone complaining of taxation without representation -- I also recall that not going so well for the ones trying to impose the taxes.
Being one of those Muricans with ancestors who got into it with George III I am probably not going to be "reasonable" about this.
$10 gas would raise the price of everything you buy and would crush the economy. Great if you produce gas, not so great for those who won't be able to afford to live any longer.
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