Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Given the nature of us humans why do you think the transgender community is having such a hard time unifying and embracing the concept of being transgender or are we having a hard time . Are the walls breaking down with the visibility of the celebrities who happen to be trans. It seems even though its still a difficult road there is advancement for the community in the laws being proposed. Who would think a movie about the first person to try fixing their body to conform to their proper gender would even thought to have  had a chance at success .

Stephanie, you forgot "All of the above." (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthefiringline.com%2Fforums%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Fwink.gif&hash=fd49c1687b59c0ea097a7b4f1ed562a996fdaf5c)

Good point Stephanie,

I guess transgender is not unlike grief. Grief is known to have 7 stages to process it properly. Not everyone experiences those stages in either sequence, severity or relevance. Some speed through it, while others get caught in a cyclic loop they find hard to escape. Sound familiar?

My belief is found in the it's actual nomenclature. Trans; moving from one place/state to another. Gender; male or female. Thus, it's a system or state of moving from one gender to another. Some get caught in the process, others just move through it and keep going out the other side, drifting off to their assigned place in the world.

Just my perspective

Speak to you as soon as I cook some toast.

Huggs
Catherine

toast is my favorite

Other - no one does this to be "transgender" - we do it to be authentically ourselves first and foremost - and perhaps even pseudo-CIS male or female after that. In fact I find it slightly worrying that someone would "embrace being transgender" as to my mind it is only a transitory state of existence through which some of us briefly pass, on a journey from one "permanent" gender to another. That state lasts for a short time and then it becomes part of our history but NOT our present reality.

I may be missing the point, but the idea of embracing being transgender could suggest to me a psychological inability to accept that one genuinely becomes ones new gender with no ifs buts or maybe's - and that I would find to be a concern as it would suggest that the person so behaving was not perhaps yet ready to fully commit.

Then again perhaps I'm just looking at this from a slightly different perspective...

Quote from: Rejennyrated on January 03, 2016, 04:24:51 AM
Other - no one does this to be "transgender" - we do it to be authentically ourselves first and foremost - and perhaps even pseudo-CIS male or female after that. In fact I find it slightly worrying that someone would "embrace being transgender" as to my mind it is only a transitory state of existence through which some of us briefly pass, on a journey from one "permanent" gender to another. That state lasts for a short time and then it becomes part of our history but NOT our present reality.

I may be missing the point, but the idea of embracing being transgender could suggest to me a psychological inability to accept that one genuinely becomes ones new gender with no ifs buts or maybe's - and that I would find to be a concern as it would suggest that the person so behaving was not perhaps yet ready to fully commit.

Then again perhaps I'm just looking at this from a slightly different perspective...

Transitory for those transitioning from one end of the binary to the other. I am neither a man nor a woman. I don't see it as a psychological inability unless it is a psychological inability on your part to accept non-binary genders. I think we are in agreement that perspective changes everything.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn

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I tend to agree with Tysilio - there is a certain amount of 'all of the above' and more.

Being transsexual is one of many ways to identify me:  e.g., height, weight, eye color, hair color, skin color, ethnicity, employment status, and other medical conditions.

If I can 'embrace' my other identifiers, then how can I deny 'embracing' my transsexual status?  I did not awake one morning and choose this identifier any more than I chose my green eyes or brown hair.  This is how I developed and was born.  Maybe it was a misfortune to not be born 'normal', but this is my 'normal' and no one else's.

For me the worst part is facing the discrimination and prejudice that meant the loss of my family and 'friends' and led to the loss at least of two careers and who knows how many other job opportunities.  There were all the whispers and snide comments behind my back by people who had no decency yet would lie to my face that they were my friend.

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I just chose the term transgender to be all inclusive of everyone's own perception of themselves. You can be gender fluid and sit on the fence on whether or how to express yourself . You are no more or less than anyone under the umbrella. but have concerns about its expression.

I think the amount you fight it may relate to the era and location that you grew up in.  For example, I was a child in the 70's and lived out in rural US in a religious household.  This isn't something I embraced but rather fought tooth and nail. 

I'm very happy now though since I accepted things and made the switch to full female.  In fact I've never been happier but still, I can't imagine why anybody would want to be born with their mind in the wrong body.   

Also, I would have to say that I consider that I was transgender when my mind was in the wrong body.  Now I consider myself female, not trans because I live full time as female.  Of course, a part of that is how I am coping with this and am trying to make my shift as completely as I can.   

Quote from: stephaniec on January 02, 2016, 07:38:19 PM
Given the nature of us humans why do you think the transgender community is having such a hard time unifying and embracing the concept of being transgender or are we having a hard time . Are the walls breaking down with the visibility of the celebrities who happen to be trans. It seems even though its still a difficult road there is advancement for the community in the laws being proposed. Who would think a movie about the first person to try fixing their body to conform to their proper gender would even thought to have  had a chance at success .

Given the nature of humans I think it's because it's a problem/condition that can't be "seen" like cancer or a broken bone, so people have trouble accepting that we REALLY have a problem, and we ourselves wonder if we can trust our own judgement because decisions based on feelings don't get much cred - despite the fact humans are very much emotional creatures - and with trans conditions almost everything about it has to be navigated by how the person with the trans condition feels. Sure, there's growing evidence for trans-specific brain structures but getting a brain scan to prove you're trans isn't readily available yet I think? It's still very much a case of 'hard evidence' for ourselves and others being absent, and the evidence only being available to us, the trans person, because we are the only ones who can feel something is not quite right.

Then there's the problem of once you have a trans condition, having to deal with it - we just don't want to have to deal with it because it's not fair. It's even less fair in the sense problems like cancer and broken bones tend to get support from others far more easily than someone admitting a trans condition does. But unlike those other health issues, I notice with many trans people we don't want to band together and be seen as a group of sufferers, or a group of "different" people, we want to be fixed and to be normal, and disappear back into the normal life we feel we should have had from the start. I can't really blame anyone for wanting that. I don't especially want to stand up and identify myself to everyone around me that I am trans or be some kind of activist. I don't even identify as trans as such, except in the context of having to explain my condition or identify it like here on forums - I don't want to be identified as a transman, but a man. Perhaps this is the crux of the problem.

It's compounded by the risks of losing friends, family and status (or worse) if you take the plunge of identifying as trans. There's less incentive to out yourself and band together, and very much incentive to be as private and careful as possible, thanks to the combo of social and personal factors.   

thanks ,well explained

Quote from: T.K.G.W. on January 03, 2016, 11:29:45 AM
Given the nature of humans I think it's because it's a problem/condition that can't be "seen" like cancer or a broken bone, so people have trouble accepting that we REALLY have a problem, and we ourselves wonder if we can trust our own judgement because decisions based on feelings don't get much cred - despite the fact humans are very much emotional creatures - and with trans conditions almost everything about it has to be navigated by how the person with the trans condition feels. Sure, there's growing evidence for trans-specific brain structures but getting a brain scan to prove you're trans isn't readily available yet I think? It's still very much a case of 'hard evidence' for ourselves and others being absent, and the evidence only being available to us, the trans person, because we are the only ones who can feel something is not quite right.

Sometimes I think the worst discrimination is suffered by those who are persecuted / looked down upon for being different when there are no visual identifiers of their condition. This includes TG individuals, and many others such as  a lot people who act "strange" due to effects of TBI, ADHD, or a condition on the autism spectrum, for example. It's all of our faults because we can't act "normal". Such is life. People need to take time to know us before making character judgments which assume we have the ability to be just like them!

It is amazing for me to look over the "Trans" list to see how I have transitioned through several of them from early childhood onward. "All of the Above" to various degrees is really punting. What is "THE" answer for me? Several are somewhat redundant when you distill them down. In fact many are. To which I basically conclude as "Prejudice".

Whether we like it or not pretty much every cis person by our standards is prejudiced in one way or another. No way can you grok being trans if you are cis. Heck, how many among us even grok being trans, much less embrace it? That which is not understood is feared. Fear readily morphs to hatred. Then add in all that internalized transphobia acquired over a lifetime directly or indirectly.

Conversely, Joanne, it's not really possible for us to understand what it's like to be CIS.

I would have to say prejudice is the most significant. If there was no prejudice against us we would handle this much more easily.

 Just had to be the odd girl out and checked the "other" box. As Devlyn said it's definatly a Point of View question. Like Rejennyrated I'm a little perplexed by the whole "embracing thing. That said, here's my point of view.
A quick backstory that might help explain how I view things. Ten years ago I was diagnosed with an incurable, untreatable nerve disorder of my esophagus. I never embraced this condition. What I had to do was accept it and learn to live with it. Due to there being no treatment for it.
Now back to the subject at hand. This year I have finally accepted that I'm transgender. I suffer from a recognized medical condition. This condition has a recognized course of treatment. I have no desire to embrace it. I don't see how that would accomplish anything. What I did need to do is accept it.
What I am working on now is how to proceed with MY treatment. The answer I think would be easier if I was 18. I would figure out how to make a full transition happen and live my life as the real me. At 58 the choice is not so easy. I've learned how to fit into society as a guy. I've constructed a life, career, friends ect. as a guy. Do I struggle through what's left of my life in this carefully constructed persona. Can I figure out a way to meld the authentic female me and give her a voice but still project the physical guy to the world. Do I risk all to try and live what's left of my life as the real me? The choice is mine..... accept being transgender, mission accomplished. Embrace being transgender, doubt it.
 

lostcharlie, my situation is fairly similar to yours. I need to express myself in at least some of these ways, and I am going to keep exploring, try to find a therapist to help me work through the mine field, etc. Maybe you should consider a similar path?

Love,
Denali

DenaliBe, I appreciate your concern. I forgot to include I've been seeing a good therapist since earlier in the year , have accepted that I'm transgender and now sort of standing at a fork in the road and trying to work out what is the best way for me. My original post was really just to address my feelings on the use of the term embrace in relation to my being transgender.

That's good lostcharlie.  I know I feel the need to find ways to express my true self more freely, but I am too early in the process to know where I am going to end up. Blessings to you as you try to find the best path forward,