Why is it, that with every passing day i continually feel like i would be better as a girl, and that it only gets deeper and make me feel worse with every passing minute? Why do I constantly feel cheated and hurt and like I had something robbed from me, especially when i see a biological girl walking about and i feel like i should have been born as a girl? i feel so bad that i have these parts that i don't want and that everywhere i look i'm told i'm wrong and that i shouldn't feel this way, that i'm just a bad person and that i'm a "freak". my family tell me i'm disgusting, and only laugh at me when i try to explain how i feel, and treat me like an outsider, someone who doesn't belong. i feel like i don't have a place anywhere, that i don't have anywhere that i belong to be, i feel like i have nowhere to be and i don't know if i can keep going because this hurts so much
do you have a counselor ?
This is quite common for trans people, especially early in the self identification process and prior to "treatment" (whether that treatment be counselling, HRT, real life transition and/or surgery, etc). It's a form of obsession and, like most obsessions, can be extremely harmful if allowed to fester unchecked. I'd suggest you are constantly thinking this and it is getting worse because you haven't been able to deal with the grief associated with being allocated a gender that doesn't align with the gender you identify as. Coming to terms with that grief allows you to process the anxiety, the fear, the anger, the jealousy that your mind can't stop thinking about. Talking your feelings through with a good therapist or counsellor will help you to change your perspective and feelings.
Princess,
You aren't crazy or defective. What you're describing is gender dysphoria. And you're not unique - many others have gone through what you are experiencing. Grace and Stephanie are right. You need the help of a therapist - especially one experienced in gender issues. Don't try to wing it on your own with this. Some folks who do end up dead, or even worse, miserable for an entire lifetime! Contact an LGBT group in your area (most places have one!) and get a referral to a therapist who has experience in this kind of problem. Please follow through on this. You have nothing to lose but your loneliness and your pain!
Hi hun
Don't feel bad about your feelings and think that you are a freak. This is called Gender dysphoria. It is not normal for normal people because they define what normal is due to living after perfection. Who is perfect and what is perfect in this world. Gender dysphoria is normal for transgender people otherwise you would not be transgender.There are more than one type of normal.
I am sure you are familiar with where this may come from and why your brain is telling you,you are female when you are actually in a male body. I have the same issue as well believe me I have felt the same. I wanted to be a girl so bad in my teenage years that I tried to castrate myself ::) This is only part of my story. Don't feel embarrassed about your feelings the more you beat yourself up about them the worse you make yourself feel and the worse they get.
This is a birth defect in the brain where something went wrong in the hormone washing of the brain while you where in your mommies tummy. Your brain whole brain did not masculinise properly and left you with a female brain. Well we all know that the brain controls your whole body. It is where your actual gender identity is. This leaves people with us with a problem. You are a girl in your head but a boy on the outside. People believe that the animalistic nature will determine who you are by your genitals.
The thing is hun you have to get to a therapist. Then when you worked through the process and are comfortable get your family to the therapist to explain to them that this is not disgusting. This things happen in life.
I think your family is really disgusting for treating you this way. But believe me this is your life you have to live it not them. Don't cheat yourself! I cheated myself and at this stage if I knew what I know now I would have transitioned when I finished school. Rather I got married tried to do the right thing had a child,okay I wont trade her for anything in this world. But I still feel cheated. You may know my story.
Be good to yourself
Hugs
Quote from: PastyPrincess on January 11, 2016, 12:35:27 AM
Why is it, that with every passing day i continually feel like i would be better as a girl, and that it only gets deeper and make me feel worse with every passing minute? Why do I constantly feel cheated and hurt and like I had something robbed from me, especially when i see a biological girl walking about and i feel like i should have been born as a girl? i feel so bad that i have these parts that i don't want and that everywhere i look i'm told i'm wrong and that i shouldn't feel this way, that i'm just a bad person and that i'm a "freak". my family tell me i'm disgusting, and only laugh at me when i try to explain how i feel, and treat me like an outsider, someone who doesn't belong. i feel like i don't have a place anywhere, that i don't have anywhere that i belong to be, i feel like i have nowhere to be and i don't know if i can keep going because this hurts so much
What you describes is totally normal for a transgender person. That's gender dysphoria and that's sucks. Even the dictators and the terrorists doesn't deserve it. I relate a lot, but just opposite in a way. I'm a guy and therefor I think it would be better to be born as a guy, not with XX chromosomes. You're not a freak and it's not your fault you're born like that. If your family doesn't treat you well, they do a transphobic act. Maybe they hasn't so much knowledge about that. My parents think this is a phase, so I can't do anything before I turn 18. If your parents laugh of you, they aren't good parents. It's the society there are much wrong with. When a person being born in a way she or he can't help for and the society can't handle it, the society is weak.