Hello everyone. I wrote a piece about a part of my experience in the closet and wanted to share with all of you. Maybe it will help someone here.
https://medium.com/@katelynburns/my-intersection-with-being-trans-and-fatphobia-6f77474bf6a2 (https://medium.com/@katelynburns/my-intersection-with-being-trans-and-fatphobia-6f77474bf6a2)
Though at my peak I was 6 ft, 250 lbs, and balding since... forever, I know your internal rantings all too well. Being tall and not loving your body to begin with makes it easy to abuse. Just add in too fat and too ugly to make any hopes wishes and dreams of transitioning disappear. Or so we hope
Not trying to start anything, but I find this thread to be kinda offensive...hostile even. I didn't know "fat phobia" even existed. Is that like a fear of overweight and obese people? Now that you mention it, I kinda knew some idiot from Sweden over there who really had a dislike of such people but I doubt he was actually afraid of them. But the reasoning behind his dislike were kinda justified which is why I wouldn't really try to argue with him about it, other than the fact that I thought it was mean and distasteful.
Its true, that these people become overweight/obese due to poor nutritional and health habits. It implies that they are lazy. Being this way makes alot of negative implications that they are either not willing to change or they just do not care to change. I don't believe anyone has to be obese or overweight. They are not diseases or illnesses like fibromyalgia or sickle cell. Obesity and/or being overweight are easily reversible with proper diet and exercise if one is willing enough to put forth the effort to do so.
I honestly do believe that the reason lots of people could have this "fat phobia" you speak of is due to what "being fat" actually means to most people. And for the most part it doesn't mean anything good. And I would know this because I was overweight and eventually obese for many years. It wasn't until I started being myself that I was able to burn some serious weight off!^^ I don't ever wanna be as big as I was back then....
Fatphobia meaning being hostile towards bigger people, not an actual fear. There's a reason you don't want to be that big again and I addressed it in my piece that is linked.
Hi Katelyn.
I'm sorry. I should have read the piece you posted in your link there before I offered a response. I read the title of this thread and replied to that assuming that I knew what it would be about without really looking into it. I really have to stop doing that; assuming that is.
After reading the piece, I now see the message you want to convey here. Sounds like you are saying that eating disorders and other disorders to do with the body are very correlated with being trans, right? If so, I totally agree with you. I think that's why I fought so hard to lose weight and am almost obsessed with body image. You're right that society tells us that "women can't be fat. women who are fat are not pretty which makes them non-women." I thought that if I lost a bunch of weight that would make me pretty and then that would finalize me as a "real" woman. I thought that if I could become this way I could finally be normal and to be normal would mean acceptance and getting in on all the 'fluffy' feelings normal people feel from others. Well, that never happened. I mean, the part where I lost weight did but not necessarily the feel great part that's suppose to come with it because I am still in the wrong body. How can anyone feel good about their body if its the wrong one to begin with?
I remember I even went as far as dating a man because I thought his presence would help validate my falsely presented femininity not only to others but even unto myself. This idea failed so miserably that I often wonder if he ever figured out that he was really dating a man himself?
I think there is so much pressure on women to look a certain way. Its way more pressure than what a man would ever have to face. Its reasons like this why I think women are stronger...
<3 King Phoenix, thanks for reading it. You get it now.
I've gone from being overweight to slim (with a fat bottom hehe!!) in the past three years and it's been relatively easy. I think, for me, it began with not caring about my body because I disliked it. It wasn't me, so I didn't have to take good care of it. Since then I've learned that it's still not me but it's incredibly valuable - it's real me's cocoon or egg or protective vehicle. It'll need to be modified with surgery and drugs but one day it will represent what I truly am. Imperfectly, but the best we can do to make the outside resemble the inner spirit and consciousness.
When I was fat I had no concept that I could ever transition. Now I am thin I have begun to transition! I can see her emerge where once her true character was masked by folds of flab. Also it doesn't cure dysphoria itself but it's one less thing to feel bad about when getting undressed :) I understand what King said about poor nutrition and so on, but to get thin I've spent nothing other than a few pounds on some running shoes ;) I've stopped gorging on sugar coated crap, but that doesn't cost anything at all lol!! Not eating sweets is free - you even save money by not buying them. I hate to sound like a bitch here, but for me, there are genetic factors that lead to weight gain - of course - but sitting in your pants, playing computer games and shovelling pizza into your face is a lifestyle choice!! :)
Plus it's also not possible to go through certain transition processes without being at a healthy weight. I just know that, personally, I enjoy life far more now I'm not fat.
Missy xx
Quote from: Missy D on January 17, 2016, 01:06:04 PM
I've gone from being overweight to slim (with a fat bottom hehe!!) in the past three years and it's been relatively easy. I think, for me, it began with not caring about my body because I disliked it. It wasn't me, so I didn't have to take good care of it. Since then I've learned that it's still not me but it's incredibly valuable - it's real me's cocoon or egg or protective vehicle. It'll need to be modified with surgery and drugs but one day it will represent what I truly am. Imperfectly, but the best we can do to make the outside resemble the inner spirit and consciousness.
When I was fat I had no concept that I could ever transition. Now I am thin I have begun to transition! I can see her emerge where once her true character was masked by folds of flab. Also it doesn't cure dysphoria itself but it's one less thing to feel bad about when getting undressed :) I understand what King said about poor nutrition and so on, but to get thin I've spent nothing other than a few pounds on some running shoes ;) I've stopped gorging on sugar coated crap, but that doesn't cost anything at all lol!! Not eating sweets is free - you even save money by not buying them. I hate to sound like a bitch here, but for me, there are genetic factors that lead to weight gain - of course - but sitting in your pants, playing computer games and shovelling pizza into your face is a lifestyle choice!! :)
Plus it's also not possible to go through certain transition processes without being at a healthy weight. I just know that, personally, I enjoy life far more now I'm not fat.
Missy xx
^I can vouch 100% for what was said here by Missy!
We might not be in the right body but
not being overweight and/or obese is one less dilemma on our minds to worry about and makes showers much less of a hassle. :) I'd say that losing weight is for sure one of the top three ways to improve self image behind being yourself and believing in yourself. ;D
I can relate to your story Kate. I'm 6 ft tall and at its peak my weight was 385 lbs. I was severely depressed and saw no hope of ever living my life as the person I knew I was. When you are as over weight as I was you can tell by how people treat you that they are disgusted with you. You get stared at laughed and talked to in the most insensitive ways about how you should lose weight.
It wasn't until my oldest brother died suddenly from an aneurysm that I realized that I was 54 years old and really had not lived my life as the person I was supposed to be. I had a severe emotional break down contemplated just putting an end to it all. Then I started thinking seriously about transitioning which was something I would think about before and come to the conclusion it would never work because of my looks etc. Then I had the thought whats the worst that could happen people already treated me like social outcast anyway, at least I could be me. Now 3 years later I weigh 177 lbs and living full time as woman I knew I was inside. I don't feel judged and vilified when I go out anymore and I am much more at ease and open now , a lot of people have noticed that and commented on it. I found it was much harder during my early non passing days to be fat than visibly trans.
I'm so touched that so many people have found that they relate to my story. I haven't promoted the piece in many places but where I have, these sorts of discussions are popping up. Many more people than I could ever imagine have already read the essay and its been a good day today.
That's so good to hear, Katelyn! :)
You're right. This discussion is spreading like wildfire!^^ But I feel like it needs to keep up. The correlation between body image, eating disorders and transsexuality is more common than most realize.
I think weight (or losing it...had gastric sleeve surgery in April, 2015 (erroneously said 2014...it was 2015) and have since lost over 110lbs) was a HUGE trigger for me.
As a lost weight (and continue to do so) I can see more and more of Megan coming out each day.
It makes it easier for me to see who I should be and makes me want to fight more and more each day to become who I was always meant to be.
Have an annual physical this morning and I plan on coming out to my GP and getting his advice. He has always been tremendously understanding about my self image issues and I am hoping that he will support me on this journey too.
*hugs*
I was 327 and 6'3 inches. I was drinking, smoking and eating like there was no tomorrow. I knew I was killing myself doing this. I am 198 now and have a fear about gaining weight. I still need to lose 18 pounds from starting HRT. It was 35 pounds but I am slowly losing weight to get to 180.
Hi Rachel.
So estrogen from HRT can also cause weight gain? Well, I heard that testosterone can but I didn't know estrogen also has this side-effect. Now that I think about it, from what I read in the Standards of Care; World Professionals Association for Transgender Health, many of their side-effects do go hand in hand. And weight gain is one of them I guess.
Quote from: King Phoenix on January 18, 2016, 11:00:57 AM
So estrogen from HRT can also cause weight gain? Well, I heard that testosterone can but I didn't know estrogen also has this side-effect. Now that I think about it, from what I read in the Standards of Care; World Professionals Association for Transgender Health, many of their side-effects do go hand in hand. And weight gain is one of them I guess.
You can lose weight on HRT when I started on June 25th I weighed 203 lbs Friday at my Endo appointment I weighed 177 lbs. I used to be extremely overweight and I am very afraid of seeing my weight go up, I just hope I haven't traded one eating disorder for another.
I lost muscle on HRT. I changed my eating and added exercise. I lost 17 pounds that I gained on HRT and I need to lose 18 more. I am doing it slow and eating healthy (not dieting) and exercising. When I started HRT certain foods tasted so good and I was really depressed so eating was a way for me to feel better. I am doing better and moving ahead with my transition. I caught myself in a negative eating behavior and have taken steps to correct it.
Thank you for a well written and thoughtful piece.
I'm just glad I got to show everyone here a see of me other than the blubbering mess that I usually am on here.
This is a difficult one for me, in a number of ways, because it touches on the issue of fat as a feminist issue and ugly man privilege. I don't think it's really got too much to do with being transsexual specifically; in that body shape and size affects pretty much everyone regardless, but anyway....
I mean this as an observation, of course, but throughout history it's been the accepted patriarchal construct that women make themselves prettified for the attentions of men. I suppose at least. In that men wanted to, and did, establish a position of sexual dominance. I guess that the ideal for them would be to have the opportunity to pick out whatever unfortunate happened to be in range for sex and also to improve his social standing amongst other men. With regards to the second point I think it centres on the man being seen around town with the best looking woman. The other men feel jealous, his status as awesome macho thingy is reinforced and everyone's happy. Aside from us girls who get pressured into spending hours in front of a magnified mirror. Seriously it's the easy way to amazing lashes ;)
With that in mind the whole high beauty standard for females was made a thing and became, as I see it, an integral part of society. Part of that, of course, related to weight. It's been taken to it's natural extremes with things like size zero models and eating disorders. It's nonsense!!! We should be allowed to look as we want to look. Makeup is something to make us happy, not to impress or validate the male sex. Unless that's the intention but I'm not talking about that here lol!! :)
Men, by contrast, as dominant sexual beings shouldn't have to go through all this. We should just submit to their natural higher status and feel honoured that they even deign to look at us... As such they needn't worry about looking good - they don't need to. :) As such ugly man privilege exists. You've heard it - "he's such a nice person" or "he's a lovely bloke, proper funny". That's as may be but the blame for his single-ness is reflected back on to us. He may be some bloated goblin in charity shop trackies, but it's always the girl's fault for being shallow. She's expected to see past all that and accept the fact that there's a warm heart in there, under the frankly repulsive exterior. The same thing never happens the other way round. :( Or rarely. In fact there's quite a lot of stigma attached to men dating 'ugly' (hate that word but just using what I've heard) girls. Eeew. It's just another illustration of how life is unfair on planet female.
And also, the horror, men who try to subvert the whole business by improving their looks are objects of derision. It's fine for gay men to groom, to visit the salon and beauty parlour, but not for their straight brothers. Not at all!! Just look at the bile heaped on guys like Joey Essex and Mark Wright. Even David Beckham isn't safe. Bless him, he's upset one of the accepted bits of the patriarchy and it's not right. Waaahhh cried the men. :) Honestly, just my opinion, but he's turned himself from normal looking man to sex icon by improving his looks. That's not allowed - you should be born with them like Sean Connery or Marlon Brando, not create them like the girls do. That's subversion of ugly man privilege.
All that's fine - really - we should be free to look as we want and feel no pressure to glam up just because society pressures us into doing so. For fun is another matter :-* But it doesn't answer the point that being fat is bad for you; from the physical health point of view. So don't lose weight for social pressures. Do it for you instead - there's nothing wrong with that!! xx