Well I am trying to get my mood up this morning with the divorce and my wife already pushing me again to move out and all the stress that I have searching for a job so I played around with my camera of my phone a bit and thought I would share the pics. So if I look moody please excuse me I got the flu also. But I am getting the makeup thing down I think.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi781.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fyy94%2Frickyvh%2FIMG_20160120_112844_zpsqv2ukcf6.jpg&hash=6c35f1349cf5ec8128fa5e20b2ac5178502392eb) (http://s781.photobucket.com/user/rickyvh/media/IMG_20160120_112844_zpsqv2ukcf6.jpg.html)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi781.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fyy94%2Frickyvh%2FIMG_20160120_113142_edit_zpsjad2ljyv.jpg&hash=4449d7fc87ae662e0b14f4dd293cf9ac2f5b8623) (http://s781.photobucket.com/user/rickyvh/media/IMG_20160120_113142_edit_zpsjad2ljyv.jpg.html)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi781.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fyy94%2Frickyvh%2FIMG_20160120_113347_zpspx2gbghv.jpg&hash=54ab4f91835760e9a92a151898ec1fcae629097f) (http://s781.photobucket.com/user/rickyvh/media/IMG_20160120_113347_zpspx2gbghv.jpg.html)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi781.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fyy94%2Frickyvh%2FIMG_20160120_113638_edit_zpsgysembvv.jpg&hash=54fdf6e37645a82fa4f2cf2bd241d1324f9928e7) (http://s781.photobucket.com/user/rickyvh/media/IMG_20160120_113638_edit_zpsgysembvv.jpg.html)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi781.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fyy94%2Frickyvh%2FIMG_20160120_113642_edit_zps2fe5zyxp.jpg&hash=bd9dd2ca3c103e5d95e64e2b5ce99a5c4a039aeb) (http://s781.photobucket.com/user/rickyvh/media/IMG_20160120_113642_edit_zps2fe5zyxp.jpg.html)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi781.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fyy94%2Frickyvh%2FIMG_20160120_113316_edit_zpsqtwms60k.jpg&hash=c1e58be4d43364be32878424dc503f57fb3c6a46) (http://s781.photobucket.com/user/rickyvh/media/IMG_20160120_113316_edit_zpsqtwms60k.jpg.html)
Mommy I think I am a girl! Wifey ummmmm I am not allowed to say that on here! Eat my dust or somthing worse than that
This is me I am a woman!
She want to divorce this is what she will be looking at as her ex for the rest of her life she had the chance!
Hi Amore you look lovely There is no doubt in my mind that You look a lot better as a woman and that You need to start your transition ASAP
Hugs Toni
You look beautiful Amoré. Hugs
Mariah
Very nice pictures.
You pass very well imo.
If you want to talk you might also go to the chat.
hugs
There's the beautiful young woman!
This is you. This is the real you. Shout it to the world because you deserve to be happy!
*hugs*
Quote from: MeganAshley on January 20, 2016, 06:20:24 AM
There's the beautiful young woman!
This is you. This is the real you. Shout it to the world because you deserve to be happy!
*hugs*
I think this is me! ;D
THIS IS YOU not you think this is Me Own it Girl the only person You need to please now is Yourself so live the life You know You need
Toni
Quote from: ToniB on January 20, 2016, 07:39:48 AM
THIS IS YOU not you think this is Me Own it Girl the only person You need to please now is Yourself so live the life You know You need
Toni
Okay this is me guy's this is the real me!!!!!!!!!! ;D
That's you :) xox
Yep, that's it!
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Well she is coming tonight with her divorce papers and giving me my copy to sign. So I guess it is over and done with. I am down so I tried to cheer myself up but I feel really down now.
It's normal to feel down after that, but don't let it keep you down. After she leaves, have a good cry, then make some cocoa (cinnamon schnapps goes well in that) and watch a sappy romantic movie with a happy ending.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on January 20, 2016, 11:07:27 AM
It's normal to feel down after that, but don't let it keep you down. After she leaves, have a good cry, then make some cocoa (cinnamon schnapps goes well in that) and watch a sappy romantic movie with a happy ending.
Thank you Dee, I will try that :-\
Quote from: Amoré on January 20, 2016, 10:06:50 AM
Well she is coming tonight with her divorce papers and giving me my copy to sign. So I guess it is over and done with. I am down so I tried to cheer myself up but I feel really down now.
Amor'e,
Look at this moment as the first moment you will be free to be YOU.
This is not a sad moment but one to be excited about as you rid her abuse from your life.
you are very brave and YOU CAN DO THIS.
I am sitting with my divorce settlement and papers in front of me and I don't really want to sign them. If I do I am going to have to force myself to do it.I am really still emotionally invested in this relationship but I can't say the same of her. She wants out and that is that she told me I had 3 months to make piece with it. It was not the real thing for three months. now I am sitting with this damn papers in front of my crying my eyes out because I don't want to divorce. Is there anything I can do to stop it? :'(
No, sweetie, you can't, and deep down inside you probably know you shouldn't. I sympathize completely. I've come so close to that many times and avoided it, but I've never had to suffer what you have.
Hugs!
Dee
As some singer once said "the waiting is the hardest part"
I got divorced. I was worried about my kids and what others thought. I waited. Once the divorce was done though I felt a tremendous relief. I get along with my ex now. We fought like crazy. Objects thrown and she got physical with me. Now we are able to be adults.
It gets better. Sign and move on. Trust the process. Be happy. Love yourself.
Hugs
Suzi
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
you look amazing
Go on, pretty girl, and sign those papers. You have a life to live, and what you just went through in the past however many years wasn't it.
I signed the papers :'(
Quote from: Amoré on January 20, 2016, 10:48:21 PM
I signed the papers :'(
Don't think of this as the end. It's a beginning!
Btw you are stunning in those pics. :)
Suzi
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Hi Amore, sorry to hear about what you're going thru at home. Like many others I would like to reiterate how great you look in the photos! Thanks for sharing :)
babe it really doesn't feel like a beginning at this stage. I never felt this hurt in my life at this stage dysphoria can't even compete with this.
Quote from: Amoré on January 20, 2016, 11:16:00 PM
babe it really doesn't feel like a beginning at this stage. I never felt this hurt in my life at this stage dysphoria can't even compete with this.
I do understand. I've been through a lot of the hurt myself.
You will quickly figure out that you are better off for it. It may take a bit of time but just stay present in the now, don't look back or forward. Rehashing old pain or creating anxiety by worrying about what could happen in the future isn't the answer to your troubles.
Keep smiling. You have a lovely smile and are a very pretty lady. Keep telling yourself that.
Hugs
Suzi
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Quote from: ImSuziG on January 20, 2016, 11:27:17 PM
I do understand. I've been through a lot of the hurt myself.
You will quickly figure out that you are better off for it. It may take a bit of time but just stay present in the now, don't look back or forward. Rehashing old pain or creating anxiety by worrying about what could happen in the future isn't the answer to your troubles.
Keep smiling. You have a lovely smile and are a very pretty lady. Keep telling yourself that.
Hugs
Suzi
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I will try I know I have my freedom now but losing your soulmate or someone you thought is your soulmate is unbelievably painfull I never in my life imagined it like this. I fought with everything my previous posts is proof of that and still it was inevitable if I did not sign it would only prolong the process but she would divorce me you can't stop it even if you don't sign. I left her a letter in the middle of the papers wishing her all of the best telling her I am sorry and that I love her and thanking her for the 10 years we spend together.
sorry, I know how terrible the pain can be.
Well I guess I can be a woman now and get it done with I know I must not drink but I got myself wine and I am sort of very drunk at this stage. One of my main concerns was passing well I guess I don't have to worry about that now I must worry about getting work. I can continue with my own business and do free lance programming as I don't have anybody to take my time except myself. I am not a drinker or an alcoholic don't worry I guess this is a once off thing. This is the worst day of my entire life and well lets spend it as the worst.
I made a stupid mistake of quieting hrt a couple of times for her and was it worth it no I am still getting divorced I could have had a cup breasts at this stage maybe and be more feminine and had more laser. I was never a husband I realised I never was good enouggh to fit her expectations of being a husband.I am sweet kind, soft , emotional, I take care of myself, I was good with my child, I never drank I never smoked or used drugs, I never embarised her but this was not enough. I was not a "man" after she found out I have been diagnosed with gender dysphoria.
I tried to stay a man and told her I would stay one and what does she do divorce me. Now she want to turn around and tell me she did not kill of her own husband well. She killed him off because I was willing to stay him to stay with her. She is blaming me for killing her childs father well I was a woman this whole time trying to be a man. I wanted to be a woman have her body that she cannot appreciate. Well now I can be me I can get srs. She can go and compare me to other men now I want to know how well I did as a man if I was good enough and manly enough but the facade ends now The male me is being killed now with this marriage that bastard must die he must haunt her dreams because she killed him off. She will see the face in this photos for the rest of her life. She will know Amoray is better of without her because she is not worth the love that I have given her on a golden platter. Unconditional love is something rare and she threw it away. It will be hard as hell but I will get over her. She must take her divorce papers and run for the hills because this girl is not going to take her ->-bleeped-<- in life. This is now my life Amoray is free I will be what she dreamed of being. If it was not for me she would not have been where she is today so I will start from the bottom but stand tall and proud because I am worth so much more than what that bsh deserves. She don't deserve this she is not worth it.
Good for you! Reread those words when you're sober. You're going to want to remember them!
Quote from: Dee Marshall on January 21, 2016, 06:35:02 AM
Good for you! Reread those words when you're sober. You're going to want to remember them!
You reckon :) Well I hope the woman that I am is hotter than my wife even if I am not genetic. That is really funny to say of me but the woman that I am is the real me no one else the person I pretended to be all these years was just that a pretending thing. It was to please people before I got married I cried because I know I was trapping myself and look what I can be.I don't want to brag but I can give a couple of genetic girls a run for their money. This is maybe just because I am drunk I don't know.I remember my life size Tracy Mc Gregor poster till today standing in front of it praying to God to fix his wrong and wondering what she would do if she woke up and magically found me to be changed into a girl. What would she do well she would divorce my but of course no matter how hot I am. No matter how good I pass or how big my breasts are she will worm her way out of this. The funny part is I will always be there and I will make it clear I was her ex every sport event of my child every concert everything I will be there and everyone will no that this beautiful woman was the person she left because I was not good enough. So she thinks divorce will get rid of me well think again. >:-)
I am free at last no more dictator to ruin my life I can life full time now!She killed her own husband not me she only gave me freedom to be me. No more bull sssssssssss
Am I a nasty person to say this things?
Nasty? No. Damaged, maybe, but not broken.
Quote from: Dee Marshall on January 21, 2016, 07:23:33 AM
Nasty? No. Damaged, maybe, but not broken.
Definatlily damaged I will agree this is the hardest day of my life. :'(
Always fragile, sometimes hurt...but never EVER broken!
Be fierce! Be you!
*hugs*
Quote from: Amoré on January 20, 2016, 11:38:16 PM
I left her a letter in the middle of the papers wishing her all of the best telling her I am sorry and that I love her and thanking her for the 10 years we spend together.
I am sorry to say this, Amore but it is highly likely she will use this apology letter against you. In addition to your gd of course.
Quote from: Amoré on January 20, 2016, 11:38:16 PM
I will try I know I have my freedom now but losing your soulmate or someone you thought is your soulmate is unbelievably painfull I never in my life imagined it like this. I fought with everything my previous posts is proof of that and still it was inevitable if I did not sign it would only prolong the process but she would divorce me you can't stop it even if you don't sign. I left her a letter in the middle of the papers wishing her all of the best telling her I am sorry and that I love her and thanking her for the 10 years we spend together.
I've been there myself. I was married for 27 years and the morning that she gave me a kiss, got in the car, and drove away was the worst day in my life. If I'd have had a gun that day I might not be here writing this now - it was that bad. I cried for days afterward and it was very hard to even get out of bed.
But i survived.
Like a beautiful butterfly that emerges from a caterpillar - we must go through the hard process of reforming ourselves. We have been living a false existence - the caterpillar is not the authentic us. A part of that process involves people that don't understand and will walk away from us. But new friends will come.
I know this is very hard but please stay the course - you will survive. What you are feeling now will pass.
The thing you should focus on right now is your own needs - food, clothing, shelter, and your own emotional well being. Put everything else aside until those are in place.
It does get better.
First of all, you look beautiful. I know you're going through a lot now but things will get better once you're on your own. Yes, you are a woman.
:)
well truly this is the worst day of my life and it is almost done I am not divorced officially but she is really getting out of hand and is searching for every reason to divorce. I tried to speak to her and she pushed me of the stairs and she threatened me with only having supervised visitation rights to my daughter.
Quote from: Amoré on January 21, 2016, 01:38:39 PM
well truly this is the worst day of my life and it is almost done I am not divorced officially but she is really getting out of hand and is searching for every reason to divorce. I tried to speak to her and she pushed me of the stairs and she threatened me with only having supervised visitation rights to my daughter.
Just let her go ...
its not your fault if she had other expectations.
She will live her life and you will have yours....
free to transition to the person you feel you are, free to explore ... without expectations or people you feel you need to adapt to ... it can be a huge advantage...
and if you are settled in the new you you will for sure attract a person that fits you ... it can be a person that fulfills your heart to a much better degree ...
just keep on ... all will be ok ...
let bygones be bygones ... no looking back much, look forwards ... there is much there to be happy about ...
many *hugs*
Hi:)
I have replied to one of your threads before. I wanted to tell you again that you look great and you deserve to be your true self:)
Look after yourself.
Marie X
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Significant other
Heterosexual woman
Quote from: Laura_7 on January 21, 2016, 01:44:42 PM
Just let her go ...
its not your fault if she had other expectations.
She will live her life and you will have yours....
free to transition to the person you feel you are, free to explore ... without expectations or people you feel you need to adapt to ... it can be a huge advantage...
and if you are settled in the new you you will for sure attract a person that fits you ... it can be a person that fulfills your heart to a much better degree ...
just keep on ... all will be ok ...
let bygones be bygones ... no looking back much, look forwards ... there is much there to be happy about ...
many *hugs*
It feels as if my soul has been ripped apart it is really hard to let go at this stage. She is holding me back that is true. I always needed permission for everything. Now I can be free. I have to move out by sunday it sort of sucks but then I don't have to look at her face each day. I still love her I think I always will but I can love her and not be married to her. While she is sleeping with someone new. :'(
I posted this on my fb for her family and my family to see along with a picture of Amoray it is the first time they will see me the real me :embarrassed:
What is a unicorn. Where can I find one you ask? Well this is the beauty of this life unicorns are rare but those people are around you. They are the people that can't be sheep and follow society because that is not their calling and what they are made for. Unicorns make the mistake to try and be sheep in life. Sometimes they are forced to be sheep by other sheep. They marry sheep also that try to force them to be sheep. Unicorns get shot down and laughed at for being different. Why do a unicorn want to be a sheep? Unicorns can be found in people like Mandela,Steve Jobs and people like me. Some sheep look up to unicorns and get jealous.Some sheeps will encourage other sheeps to divorce their unicorn partners to keep them from becoming unicorns themselves. Other is trying to hide their unicorn attributes so bad to be a sheep and be "normal" well I say screw normal. You only have one life and when you get a second chance at freedom to not be held down by a sheep in life the results can be astonishing. So this is my finger to being a sheep I am a unicorn and my name is Amoray!
Quote from: Amoré on January 21, 2016, 02:34:59 PM
It feels as if my soul has been ripped apart it is really hard to let go at this stage. She is holding me back that is true. I always needed permission for everything. Now I can be free. I have to move out by sunday it sort of sucks but then I don't have to look at her face each day. I still love her I think I always will but I can love her and not be married to her. While she is sleeping with someone new. :'(
Please be aware that if you were sexually connected with someone its usually also an emotional connection, which needs time to wear off.
Yes ... let her go to a life of her liking ...
and you to to a life of your liking ...
free for now to explore what fulfills you ... and gives you joy ...
hugs
Quote from: Amoré on January 21, 2016, 03:29:30 PM
I posted this on my fb for her family and my family to see along with a picture of Amoray it is the first time they will see me the real me :embarrassed:
What is a unicorn. Where can I find one you ask? Well this is the beauty of this life unicorns are rare but those people are around you. They are the people that can't be sheep and follow society because that is not their calling and what they are made for. Unicorns make the mistake to try and be sheep in life. Sometimes they are forced to be sheep by other sheep. They marry sheep also that try to force them to be sheep. Unicorns get shot down and laughed at for being different. Why do a unicorn want to be a sheep? Unicorns can be found in people like Mandela,Steve Jobs and people like me. Some sheep look up to unicorns and get jealous.Some sheeps will encourage other sheeps to divorce their unicorn partners to keep them from becoming unicorns themselves. Other is trying to hide their unicorn attributes so bad to be a sheep and be "normal" well I say screw normal. You only have one life and when you get a second chance at freedom to not be held down by a sheep in life the results can be astonishing. So this is my finger to being a sheep I am a unicorn and my name is Amoray!
Well I would not express it that way.
The connection with famous people might give some people an impression of better than, which might trigger jealousy and a feeling of seperation.
I personally would make a comparison with a flower ... a flower that needs to sprout and crush away restrictions of an old encasement ...
its who you really are, and parts of it will be the same, parts will be new...
some people make a comparison with a male/female twin, with still the same sense of humour ...
yet with new sides that need to flourish ... because its the real you, not an adaption to something you feel was expected from you ...
its simply there and needs to live ...
Imo its better to explain to people instead of a in your face attitude ...
a few supporters might be gained this way, and it gives people a chance to understand.
Most cis people simply cannot relate, some even might have picked up false assumptions.
hugs
Quote from: Laura_7 on January 22, 2016, 05:10:57 AM
Please be aware that if you were sexually connected with someone its usually also an emotional connection, which needs time to wear off.
Yes ... let her go to a life of her liking ...
and you to to a life of your liking ...
free for now to explore what fulfills you ... and gives you joy ...
hugs
I know I must let her go so that she is happy because I am keeping her back. I really love her but the life we had we will never get back. She has a major issue being with someone with gender dysphoria and this destroyed all that I loved.I must start from nothing in life I am literally at rock bottom. I can't go lower. I am with my face flat on the cold hard floor.
I asked my father if he could help me financially and he told me I must go and f myself. I thought he was supportive but turns out he is not.
Well it is going to take time but I have to start moving on I am so broken and hurt I never in my life knew someone could hurt like this. It feels as if I am dying inside. :'(
I don't know if there is going to be joy soon all I know is I feel dead I feel if I am dying or going to die soon.
Quote from: Amoré on January 22, 2016, 07:49:01 AM
I must start from nothing in life I am literally at rock bottom. I can't go lower. I am with my face flat on the cold hard floor.
... which means that things can only get better and the only way is up, right? It's hard to see that when you're feeling so awful, but things will start to get better, little by little. Right now all you can do is to take it one day at a time.
Quote from: Amoré on January 22, 2016, 07:49:01 AM
I asked my father if he could help me financially and he told me I must go and f myself. I thought he was supportive but turns out he is not.
Ja well, maybe someday you'll get to pick out his retirement home... which'll be an excellent opportunity to remind him of what he said when you were at
your most vulnerable. But in all seriousness, hopefully he'll come round in time.
Quote from: Amoré on January 22, 2016, 07:49:01 AM
Well it is going to take time but I have to start moving on I am so broken and hurt I never in my life knew someone could hurt like this. It feels as if I am dying inside. :'(
This is grief, as I'm sure you know; you are grieving for your marriage and all that it represented to you. But you've come so far already in just a week or two: you've already started to accept that your marriage is over, and that's the first step towards recovering form this. I wish there was a magic wand we could wave to make this process easier, but the only way to work through grief is to just take it one day at a time, adjusting to your new reality until you get to the point where you can cope with things again. We're here for you every step of the way.