Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Just wondering hard has it been or do you feel it is to explain being trans to someone or a parent or relative or stranger what it means to be transgender. I've never had to encounter the issue.

I think that depends largely on who you are talking to. I think most people have some understanding these days so probably not going to be as bad as you think. There is always questions but I never mind those. Also try to be understanding of who you are telling. As long as they are coming from a good place give them some slack. I have had some very awkward conversation but I tried to see why they were saying what they were rather then take it personally. Remember this is probably new for them and did not necessarily get good info from a TV program or story they heard. If someone is rude, ignorant, or mean, use your best judgment if continuing to talk is worth it.
If they love you they will have questions, maybe after the shock wears off. I had older family members not say much and then went ad googled the subject and we talked more later.

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It's pretty hard to explain. Not impossible obviously because you can explain it, but even people in other areas of the LGBT community are clueless. Last night someone told me that they believed it might have something to do with being in the same sex body over and over again for a certain number of lifetimes prior to this one, and it's just sex confusion. It's simply a physical problem that nobody likes to accept.

yes , there are those that have some interesting theories .

I have had an especially difficult time trying to explain to my mother, but I think that has more to do with her unwillingness to accept any kind of change. Life was perfect in 1960, and she is desperately trying to cling to that era. The rest of my family had been far more understanding, the reaction has pretty much been "oooooh". Anyone who knows me well could tell that I have been a tortured soul since childhood, coming out as trans has finally given them insight as to why I was so tortured.

I use metaphor a lot since people can't relate.  A few of the common metaphors I have used:
- It's like carrying around a weight your entire life.  Every now and then you can put it down briefly but have to pick it back up.  Eventually though you just can't carry it any more and when you put it down then, you can't lift it again.  The feeling is then euphoric to have that burden lifted. 
- the feeling is not so dissimilar to being lonely all your life and then not. 

perhaps the thing that I tell people the most is, remember how you felt when you were 4 and it was Christmas time?  It's like that for me every day now. 

Also important, at least to me, is for me to point out that our brains are physically different.  This is something you can see in an MRI.  It's not a choice.  It's just how we are wired and there is no undoing/changing that.  For many that matters more than it's a 'mental' issue. 

The conversations for me have all pretty much gone the same way. Initial confusion over the difference between gender and sexual orientation, then an overly simplistic "so you're a girl in a boy's body?", followed by some form of the surgery question, even if carefully hidden. Such as "How far do you plan to go with it?". After all that gets explained then they don't really know what to do with all that new information and their completely changed view of me as a person.

And I think there's also some element of disbelief. Like they just can't see me as a female or that I could feel like one or whatever. It's too far of a departure from the fake persona I had created to keep the real me safe for them to wrap their heads around, even months after I've told them. A lot of that is my fault though. Hopefully that will change as my transition progresses, we'll see.

Like trying to explain the color green to a person who was born blind. Cis people can only understand via analogy and metaphor.

I find it to be impossible. Yes I can explain enough to get people to nod and say they get it, but I've found that's rarely true in the long term. What I find is that they get it based on their own experiences, but it's not quite right because they've never been trans and they've never lived in fear of physical harm for being themselves. I still have people that "get it" trying to convince me to change my mind about it. I try to explain why that's not possible and then they really don't get it.

Very easy to explain. Whether they grasp it or not is a completely different question, but I don't look for someone to have a complete understanding of how this feels. How could they? Acceptance is all I expect from people.  :)

Hugs, Devlyn