EDIT: Redacted opinion. New opinion below.
Iv'e never had that but i always looked at other males and gone "Why can't i look like that in that shirt, or in that way to other people or have that certain male look" many thing's, weather or not at the time i noticed.
It's probably common. For me i never questioned why i wasn't born like that though until later but it may have some what already been in existence i was just oblivious. You're not alone
I get jealousy towards cis women, I really do. It's a burning constant in my life, the oldest form of gender dysphoria that I can recognize in my life. I get how it can feel to look at a cis women and feel like you could do it better where you born in their genes.
It's a fact of our existence as trans people that our expressions of our genders are constantly policed and belittled. Every little variation from what people expect based on our assigned sex is a target for scorn. It's wrong that this happens to us... but I think it's also wrong when we do it to other people, it hurts not only them, but us.
Take the woman you work with. You say that she isn't doing anything with her womanhood, but she is, being a tomboy is a perfectly valid expression of who some people are as women. It may not be what you would do or want, but it's just different, not "nothing." By excluding her from femininity for her expression, you're contributing to the same garden that other, more overt, forms of gender policing are gathered from.
I'm not saying it's wrong for you to have these feelings. You feel how you feel, and you don't have to change that to please anyone or align with any social justice goal. I just think that by reframing the issue, by seeing that she is a woman expressing her womanhood, you will expand your definition of what constitutes womanhood, and your dysphoria won't chafe as badly over this issue.
Quote from: Alexagon on January 26, 2016, 07:45:10 PM
I have a female coworker who is very much a tomboy. Some people even think she is a guy. This really triggers mine, because it's like why did she get to be born female if she isn't going to do anything with it? Why the hell did I get the wrong one?
It's really saddening when I think about this particular scenario.
You're getting dangerously close to being sexist there honey!! >:(
It's her body, and her life, so she can do what she likes with it. That's really where it stops, in my opinion, and for once I think I'm actually close to being correct. She was born, and is, female. Being a woman doesn't come from 'doing things' with or to yourself :) I mean, really, would you be happier if she came to work in a boob tube and miniskirt?
She hasn't won anything in life by being born a girl, it's just that she doesn't suffer from a particular issue that you do. I can't imagine people in wheelchairs look at bus passengers and think 'why aren't those people walking when they have legs'!! :)
Sorry to sound harsh, again, but I really can't agree with some of the implications of what you wrote there. It's nothing personal; but if I can't stand by and say nothing either. xx
I'm sorry, I really didn't mean it that way. It came across as sexist but I am by no means so nor did I mean it. Just ignore what I said about that and I'll just say my dysphoria stems from envy. That's all.
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Ugh. I feel really bad about what I said now. I don't want you guys to think I'm a sexist...
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I think I know what I actually feel about this.
It's not that I don't think she's doing nothing or not taking advantage, but I'm I guess what you'd call a tomboy, in that I still very much act like a guy pretty much all the time. So I think I'm just envious that she can act like that too but still be able to be identified and call herself a female.
I think this has to do with me not having a feminine enough personality to pass well, among other things.
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Quote from: Alexagon on January 26, 2016, 07:45:10 PM
I have a female coworker who is very much a tomboy. Some people even think she is a guy. This really triggers mine, because it's like why did she get to be born female if she isn't going to do anything with it? Why the hell did I get the wrong one?
It's really saddening when I think about this particular scenario.
I can very much relate with this. My wife's sister is also a tomboy and I had the same question. This is not the first time I knew the most beautiful woman in high school she wore her hair long and was not mistaken for a boy but she was tomboy.
Getting constantly referred to as "ma'am" and "miss" is a huge dysphoric trigger, which is why I am in such a huge funk right now.
I don't know how else to keep this from happening but to stop dialysis and end my life through hospice. Its just getting to be too much to bear...
Hell, I get how people can easily slip up. But to literally correct someone and then they turn around and call me "ma'am" or "miss" again as soon as I corrected them as if they're deaf really discourages me from living anymore. And I'm truly sorry, but no one can tell me otherwise and encourage me to keep living or more accurately, existing.
you should really educate yourself better, condemning a tom boy for being a tom boy goes against the science that proves transexualism isn't a mental disorder. http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/TS-New.html
its a long read but covers tom boy as well.
I myself identify as a girly tom boy, my CIS daughter is too, we also have a few friends that are too. I like skirts, heals and all that is girly but at the same time, I love getting my hands dirty, working on cars, remodeling my house, fishing and so do most of the CIS gender women in my life.
I think I understand where the OP is coming from. I think it's just simple jealousy. I can remember, when interacting with girls who eschewed femininity, being kind of mad at them. Short of a "you get to do all of these girly things, I'm not allowed, do you realize how hard it is to be barred from sling this sort of thing?"
Just my $.02
I too was jealous of many girls over the years but not a hypocritical jealousy that they should somehow be something they are not. In a sense you are saying that because this girl isn't like you then she is undeserving of being a girl. This in itself is why transphobia exists because others think you should fit in their image of who you should be. Reverse Transphobia?
Quote from: Mavis on January 28, 2016, 02:17:46 PM
you should really educate yourself better, condemning a tom boy for being a tom boy goes against the science that proves transexualism isn't a mental disorder. http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/TS-New.html
its a long read but covers tom boy as well.
I myself identify as a girly tom boy, my CIS daughter is too, we also have a few friends that are too. I like skirts, heals and all that is girly but at the same time, I love getting my hands dirty, working on cars, remodeling my house, fishing and so do most of the CIS gender women in my life.
Did you not see that I redacted my opinion?
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Quote from: XxCosmicEvan on January 26, 2016, 08:05:18 PM
Iv'e never had that but i always looked at other males and gone "Why can't i look like that in that shirt, or in that way to other people or have that certain male look" many thing's, weather or not at the time i noticed.
It's probably common. For me i never questioned why i wasn't born like that though until later but it may have some what already been in existence i was just oblivious. You're not alone
I know exactly how you feel, though for me it's looking at other females in my case and the clothing, but yes I know how you feel. I always sort of questioned it even from an early age. *hugs* In my case, I'll be in public and get jealous about some of the dresses, or clothes, or it gets on my nerves just the little things that occur in everyday life.
I do very much envy women. They take everything for granted. It's not their fault .. it's my
fault but I can't seem to stop doing it.
Dear Alexagon:
It's part and parcel of having GID . . . As you live and grow in your chosen gender you will find strength and wisdom that makes these triggers lose their power. In fact, you may find in time inside this dynamic is some real insight into your character; I did.
Take care,
Rachel