I'm having a real hard time with people who keep pronoun'ing me wrong.
Many are my loved ones but it really stings and they don't seem to get it.
I now think it's on purpose to try and hold onto me as I was.
I also know that if I love them, I need to be patient but it hurts and they just don't seem to understand that.
I have better success with people at work and those who are not my family.
Do others have this problem too?
Hi Hon,
Maybe print the out and give it to your loved ones. You can change the 'she' to 'he' in the introduction paragraph
http://letsqueerthingsup.com/2014/09/15/what-youre-actually-saying-when-you-ignore-someones-preferred-gender-pronouns/
I changed my name several years ago and I still have this issue with my dad and my brother. I barely see them these days, though. So, I don't really care anymore. It was more annoying when my brother lived with my parents. But, since he moved out, I don't have to deal with him when I visit my mom. She also basically built one of the rooms of the house into a small apartment. So, I never have to deal with my dad.
But, I knew going into this that they would always be an issue.
I have found that the ones who have the hardest time with the change are those who have known me the longest. It really is hard for some people to retrain themselves because of the history they have with you. I find it frequently comes up when they are discussing something that happened years ago when I was my prior gender. It's tough for them to remember the past events but use the present pronouns. I've discussed this with some of my older trans friends who have advised me that we need to have a lot of patience with those people, so I try not to get upset and use gentle reminders.
There is a handful or co workers that just don't give respect, so I don't give them respect either... I've given them chances with being respectful, until they constantly every day have to be reminded, to then from what my manager said "is that you are entitled to yell at them" in which sometimes I get aggravated enough to do so. Like at one point I had to slam the office door on both my assistant manager and a previous supervisor, so they would understand that they are disrespecting me in which they need to get their act together.
Though other than that instance, I dont have much issue other than a cashier that has been with the company for like 40 plus years. When I had asked her to conform to gender me respectively, she basically rolled her eyes and scoffed at me, even though when I did come out to the workplace she had told me she supported me. I guess support and respect are two complete different things.
On the bright side, the supervisor who did not want to put any gender on me but to have me referenced only by my name, is starting to come around and actually place the correct gender on me, only in the sheer effect that my manager and both new assistant managers have been doing so since day one for each respectively. Only in pure exhaustive happenstance a slip happens and they apologize right away.
But on a note to the whole discussion thereof the article from Cindy, I see this as a good thing for when I ask the majority of my family, parents and extended family, to refer to me as. My cousin, who I had told already is doing so as her own doing, and not having me asking her to do so, also refers to me as Kate, even in the last Christmas letter deal, was specified to my mom and Kate, rather than the name I don't like. Even though most of the extended family does not know quite yet. They will learn soon enough, especially as I have not really hidden myself in any case on the family events that I have been to.
Kate <3
I have a problem which I'm not sure how to react to. I've been called with "she" when I identify as "he". Talking didn't really help, I still hear "she" because she claims I'm misleading her with refering to my past self myself as "she". The worst is that my partner is mtf. :/
My best friend over 15 years has totally no problem with calling me as "he".She rarely mistake me, moreover I have no problem with her calling me with "she" as we share a lot of female past.
That's a great link Cindy. Thanks!
My big thing is I just want them to try! If they can oops and correct themselves then cool. It's the over and over without caring that really really bugs me.
I concur that the longer that people have known me the harder it has been. I suppose it's like a habit.