Hello all, (sorry for the small wall, but I REALLY need your help)
Been a while but let's start with good news.
Yesterday I got my blockers and can go for a bloodcheckup in the summer, whilst I was super happy about all this, some people kinda brought me down to rock bottom.
Those would be my parents,
You see, they aren't "against" the idea of me being trans but they are mainly worried I suppose, but in such a way its seriously hurting me a lot.
I informed my parents about the hormone blockers and this kinda brought up a painful old discussion up on the phone.
Aside from my mother being paranoid (I am talking about her thinking I have a good chance of dying, and no I wish I was kidding.)
The issue is that they want to force the real life treatment on me. In Belgium where I live this procedure is actually not necessairy anymore to start HRT because studies showed that a lot of trans people were really disatisfied with it and it didnt really do much.
The reason why they want this is because they want me to be sure I can go through every day as a woman and enjoy it.
I already dress up the way I want to around the house and will soon have a fun movie night with my friends as well. The issue is that they are overly paranoid that everyone will hate me when I am trans whilst everyone I told has been really amazing, and twist around their kind words into hateful things.
I dont want to get forced into this tragic experience because I don't feel ready without a few weeks or months of hormones. I already feel like ->-bleeped-<- on the inside. Then I will have to face stares from other people whilst I feel extremely uncomfortable myself.
I've been seeing a gender psychiatrist he is actually one of the people that leads transgender studies in belgium and his words are the same, that I really shouldn't postpone it for my parents since I already did for the testosterone blockers, and that I should take it easy and come out with it when I am ready. But my parents don't believe him...
And aside from that they feel hormones will do virtually nothing, whilst I am still pretty young. I am not delusional but it will make some changes.
The biggest issue that I am having is that this weekend I'll go back home (now I am in the dorm for studies) and I can't sleep at all. Because I know I will have a fight again and I dont know what I can do to make them at least try to see it my way that I dont need to rush things just for theirs sake. Sorry for the long wall of text but I really need your advice...
I just don't want to force things for them.
here is a resource that might help them understand:
http://www.acceptingdad.com/2013/08/05/to-the-unicorns-dad/
You might tell them that their attitude might endanger you.
People who are not on hormones usually pass less.
If people fully transition after they already have some feminization it should be safer.
Well imo the most noticeable permanent effects of hrt for MTF people is the development of boobies.
They might even be reduced later .
It takes months for boobies to grow so imo more than enough time to find out if being on estrogen is liked.
hugs
well obviously if they're not going to believe a well qualified and knowledgeable doctor your not going to get too far in trying to explain any thing. I'm guessing your legally an adult by law so you might just have to apply your being legally able to make your own decisions and they also legally have no right to interfere with your medical treatment.
Quote from: stephaniec on February 17, 2016, 02:31:16 PM
well obviously if they're not going to believe a well qualified and knowledgeable doctor your not going to get too far in trying to explain any thing. I'm guessing your legally an adult by law so you might just have to apply your being legally able to make your own decisions and they also legally have no right to interfere with your medical treatment.
I know it's just I am studying now and can't really bite the hand that feeds me
Tell them if people hate you then that's on those people, there's nothing you or they can do about it so why bother worrying about it? I've used similar with my very worrisome mother about various things in the past. Admittedly it only works if she is willing to admit she is being a worry wart, but regardless I have told her how I feel about it.
Quote from: Luna Star on February 17, 2016, 02:35:44 PM
I know it's just I am studying now and can't really bite the hand that feeds me
so what your saying, not to sound mean, is that if you tell them your in your legal right to seek treatment of your own choosing then they will stop paying your bills.
Quote from: stephaniec on February 17, 2016, 02:40:31 PM
so what your saying, not to sound mean, is that if you tell them your in your legal right to seek treatment of your own choosing then they will stop paying your bills.
Not necessairly throw me out, but it will get harder and I would have to pay up for more stuff myself I am sure of that.
You might mention me to your mother. I started taking hormones in 1977 and started cross living full time in 1979. I am alive and healthy. I have only had a few minor medical issues and the were not HRT related. Under a doctors care, HRT is safe and I feel it was a part of what saved my life.
Quote from: Dena on February 17, 2016, 02:43:59 PM
You might mention me to your mother. I started taking hormones in 1977 and started cross living full time in 1979. I am alive and healthy. I have only had a few minor medical issues and the were not HRT related. Under a doctors care, HRT is safe and I feel it was a part of what saved my life.
She's mostly paranoid about trombose that caused a few deaths in her family, but you have to realize those were old people and are quite a few steps away from me genetically speaking. She is... a bit paranoid..., both of em can be really.
Quote from: Luna Star on February 17, 2016, 02:42:38 PM
Not necessairly throw me out, but it will get harder and I would have to pay up for more stuff myself I am sure of that.
sorry if I'm taking the hard line here , but , and I don't know how your educational system works because I'm from the US , there are loans and I'm guessing work study jobs. Also , I'm sure your can talk to financial aid and try to figure something out. There is nothing wrong with part time work while going to school. I also think it be beneficial to talk to the counselors at school and explain your dilemma and see what they say.
A blood test is available to measure the clotting factor of the blood if you think that would reduce her fear. If you tend to have issues with blood clots, there are medications that would help control it but for the most part, as you are young, an active life style is the best way to protect against it.
Again I was on oral Premarin which has a higher risk factor that more modern drugs and instead of having a risk of clotting, I tended to bleed more than normal. One blood test I had the doctor removed the cotton ball a little early and I leaked a big patch of blood on my blouse. The doctor stopped the leak and used hydrogen peroxide to remove the blood from my blouse.
From what you stated, I don't think they're trying to be mean. I think they don't want to see their child get hurt. I think they don't want to see their child unable to support themselves. You're viewing a real life experience without hormones as a danger to yourself and they're viewing it as a way to explore in a way that's not permanent. You both want what's best for you, you just have different views of what that is. I think some calm discussions with them, perhaps with a therapist to mediate, will take care of this for you.
EDIT****
I stand by my post, but it kind of lost some of its relevance with the clotting talk. That'll teach me to post without reading the new replies.
Quote from: Luna Star on February 17, 2016, 02:42:38 PM
Not necessairly throw me out, but it will get harder and I would have to pay up for more stuff myself I am sure of that.
Have you looked at the Unicorn dads website ?
The site may be translated with google translate.
It might help them understand few things.
Basically imo they simply do not understand.
They are happy with their gender identity and their sex.
Seeing someone else transition feels not right for them personally. It would not be the right thing for them.
But you are exactly the opposite.
You might ask your mum how she would feel if she had a mans body and possibly less emotions.
She would feel wrong.
Estrogen can widen the emotional spectrum.
Often ist compared to a diesel engine (feminine brain) running on gas (testosterone) being switched back to diesel (estrogen).
There is a feling of relief involved.
And lastly transgender people often from a young age on learned to adapt and read unconscious expectations of others.
Its like they felt wrong and tried to see what people expect from them.
Knowing might help.
You might tell you are not an image in their heads.
You are a person with feelings who can be happy. But you need to listen to what you feel makes you happy.
Usually parents want their children to be happy too.
And holding them back from doing the right thing is not their place.
Some things need to be tried to find out.
With sublingual use of micronized bioidentical estrogen pills blood clotting is reduced.
There are ways of application like patches, gels, implants and injections which have a much further reduced risk of clotting.
Just talk about it with your doc/endo.
hugs
Quote from: Laura_7 on February 17, 2016, 03:00:00 PM
Have you looked at the Unicorn dads website ?
The site may be translated with google translate.
It might help them understand few things.
Basically imo they simply do not understand.
They are happy with their gender identity and their sex.
Seeing someone else transition feels not right for them personally. It would not be the right thing for them.
But you are exactly the opposite.
You might ask your mum how she would feel if she had a mans body and possibly less emotions.
She would feel wrong.
Estrogen can widen the emotional spectrum.
Often ist compared to a diesel engine (feminine brain) running on gas (testosterone) being switched back to diesel (estrogen).
There is a feling of relief involved.
And lastly transgender people often from a young age on learned to adapt and read unconscious expectations of others.
Its like they felt wrong and tried to see what people expect from them.
Knowing might help.
You might tell you are not an image in their heads.
You are a person with feelings who can be happy. But you need to listen to what you feel makes you happy.
Usually parents want their children to be happy too.
And holding them back from doing the right thing is not their place.
Some things need to be tried to find out.
With sublingual use of micronized bioidentical estrogen pills blood clotting is reduced.
There are ways of application like patches, gels, implants and injections which have a much further reduced risk of clotting.
Just talk about it with your doc/endo.
hugs
I asked my mom how she would feel living as a man but she keeps telling me she wouldn't mind and care what sex she would be.
which most likely to me feels like she just doesn't want to get it...
Like said earlier, everyone wants me to be happy in the end but it's hard for me to "prove" my emotions, I simply can't.
Quote from: Emileeeee on February 17, 2016, 02:58:46 PM
From what you stated, I don't think they're trying to be mean. I think they don't want to see their child get hurt. I think they don't want to see their child unable to support themselves. You're viewing a real life experience without hormones as a danger to yourself and they're viewing it as a way to explore in a way that's not permanent. You both want what's best for you, you just have different views of what that is. I think some calm discussions with them, perhaps with a therapist to mediate, will take care of this for you.
EDIT****
I stand by my post, but it kind of lost some of its relevance with the clotting talk. That'll teach me to post without reading the new replies.
I know they aren't trying to be but whenever we have a discussion about it, my side of the story gets completely dismissed as if I am a delusional naive child that doesnt know whats good for herself...
I can never get them to discuss things fairly because they dont respect my side
Quote from: stephaniec on February 17, 2016, 02:52:11 PM
sorry if I'm taking the hard line here , but , and I don't know how your educational system works because I'm from the US , there are loans and I'm guessing work study jobs. Also , I'm sure your can talk to financial aid and try to figure something out. There is nothing wrong with part time work while going to school. I also think it be beneficial to talk to the counselors at school and explain your dilemma and see what they say.
Seems a bit... rough, I guess that can be a plan if nothing else works... Seems a bit sudden though.
Quote from: Dena on February 17, 2016, 02:56:35 PM
A blood test is available to measure the clotting factor of the blood if you think that would reduce her fear. If you tend to have issues with blood clots, there are medications that would help control it but for the most part, as you are young, an active life style is the best way to protect against it.
Again I was on oral Premarin which has a higher risk factor that more modern drugs and instead of having a risk of clotting, I tended to bleed more than normal. One blood test I had the doctor removed the cotton ball a little early and I leaked a big patch of blood on my blouse. The doctor stopped the leak and used hydrogen peroxide to remove the blood from my blouse.
It's mainly the issue now that I don't want them to force stuff on me before I feel ready.
Quote from: Luna Star on February 17, 2016, 03:03:12 PM
I asked my mom how she would feel living as a man but she keeps telling me she wouldn't mind and care what sex she would be.
This is one of the main faults in thinking.
Men and women are not simply interchangeable.
Men and women can be completely different in how they process and how they are...
men tend to be more active , think more rational and be less emotional.
Women tend to be more emotional and intuitive. They usually also try to bond more, through talking.
Of course there are individuals who differ ...
but it should be obvious for an explanation that the persons are not the same.
And the differences can be huge, depending on which end people are.
hugs
well, to be honest as far as my personal opinion goes, which is just my own personal view of things, it comes down to you pleasing your parents out of fear of loss of financial support or do what is more medically proper for your self in you own view. It's basically up to you and your choices in life.
Quote from: stephaniec on February 17, 2016, 03:19:23 PM
well, to be honest as far as my personal opinion goes, which is just my own personal view of things, it comes down to you pleasing your parents out of fear of loss of financial support or do what is more medically proper for your self in you own view. It's basically up to you and your choices in life.
I guess that sums it up best... thanks for all the responses
Luna, as for blood clotting you should talk to your endo. As you live in Belgium I assume that the T blocker you have been prescribed is Androcur (cyproterone acetate). Androcur increases the risk for blood clotting. Oestrogens do not, when bioidentical and taken as transdermal (cream or patches). You do not need a T blocker for feminisation, oestrogens suffice. Ask your endo for changing your HRT and then tell your parents that there is no blood clotting risk with that new hormone therapy.
Quote from: Lucie on February 17, 2016, 03:43:54 PM
Luna, as for blood clotting you should talk to your endo. As you live in Belgium I assume that the T blocker you have been prescribed is Androcur (cyproterone acetate). Androcur increases the risk for blood clotting. Oestrogens do not, when bioidentical and taken as transdermal (cream or patches). You do not need a T blocker for feminisation, oestrogens suffice. Ask your endo for changing your HRT and then tell your parents that there is no blood clotting risk with that new hormone therapy.
The chance of me getting blood cloths are pretty minimal if at all to be honest. And yes its Androcur. T blockers combined with hormones do give a better result or thats at least what he told me, the T blocker now is mainly for keeping me from losing my mind, which I was getting close to.
Luna you seem to have a clear understanding and well grounded reasoning for your preferred course of action.
It is extremely difficult for most cisgender people to empathize with how we feel. They just don't get it and can too readily imagine horrid consequences and fears that they alone validate. This really is their shortcoming and their problem until it hits you. I am a parent, a grand parent and a great grand parent and some parents forget one of their primary roles is to facilitate your independence. Making real choices with their support works best. Encouraging your fears by reinforcing theirs keeps you a dependent juvenile. They do want you to grow up, don't they?
You might reassure them that they taught you well and provide for an excellent education but that this must be your decision and you are ready to deal with and understand the consequences. You know they love you and you want their support. When your choice in this matter is respected they are also saying to themselves that you are trusted and we did well. We don't want you to live in fear.
Quote from: Tessa James on February 17, 2016, 05:00:14 PM
Luna you seem to have a clear understanding and well grounded reasoning for your preferred course of action.
It is extremely difficult for most cisgender people to empathize with how we feel. They just don't get it and can too readily imagine horrid consequences and fears that they alone validate. This really is their shortcoming and their problem until it hits you. I am a parent, a grand parent and a great grand parent and some parents forget one of their primary roles is to facilitate your independence. Making real choices with their support works best. Encouraging your fears by reinforcing theirs keeps you a dependent juvenile. They do want you to grow up, don't they?
You might reassure them that they taught you well and provide for an excellent education but that this must be your decision and you are ready to deal with and understand the consequences. You know they love you and you want their support. When your choice in this matter is respected they are also saying to themselves that you are trusted and we did well. We don't want you to live in fear.
Yes exactly that and I do know that they worry about me but I don't know how I can convey a message to them that makes them understand. I just kinda feel unheard and they don't trust my decision they are a bit too protective and have always been...