I'm just curious how some of you saw yourself before you decided to transition. I noticed that some of the posters on this board have either identified as a gay man, or at least an effeminate male before transitioning. I've never seen myself as either.
Me personally I have never hated my male persona. I've always enjoyed sports, the outdoors, working on cars, & getting dirty. I've never had many issues getting along/fitting in with my guy friends, but I don't hang with the frat boy crowd either.
I guess for me I'm just a little confused about how to express my GID to people. I've never been attracted to men, or wanted to do frilly girly girl stuff, but I've always felt an immense attraction to the female body, which I guess makes me a lesbian. Emotionally I've always had a softer side to me, that doesn't mesh very well with the ultra aggressive male persona of most men, but I don't feel effeminate either.
For me the appeal in transitioning is to find a body that is more closely aligned with my thoughts and feelings, though I'm not anywhere near the point where my GID is so bad that I feel the need to go all out and present as a woman 100%.
Anybody else currently at this place, or ever felt this way in the past?
I'm a hardcore Hippie
I used to refer to myself as an Omicron Male...as opposed to an Alpha Male I saw myself in a totally different part of the alphabet.
I don't define my sexuality because I'm not really sure and with trans added on top it's a confusing thought. But more importantly, I'm married and messing around is out of the question so there isn't much point in dwelling on the thought anyway.
Beyond that I'm a Soldier/Warrior and athlete (not a great one though). While those do fall far outside the trans stereotype they are not gender specific things.
I am comfortable with what I am. I'm not about to start trying to fit some new stereotype when in many ways trying to fit all the old ones just made me unhappy.
I'm editing to add another thought. Even though what I describe above is entirely non stereotypical I have known I was trans since I was 11 and have identified as female to myself for 45 years.
Sapere Aude
I am a Geek. But for the gender/sexuality side of things, I may have only recently transisioned but I have been aware of my gender Identity for most of my life so that has not changed.
Serena
Sexuality wise I identify as a trans lesbian,I love women,that's why I been married going on 28 yrs too a understanding wife.
I grew too like my male suit because Cheryl did a great job of creating it. I never been athletic,bullies thought I was weak because I looked girlish they learned I was meaner then they were. Hrt and gcs are not for me,I already have natural breast and like my built in strapon what more can a girl ask for..
I know for me I came out of the closet as a gay male when I was 16 and still in high school. It took some time now to find who I was and came out as transgender back in 2014. So I guess it depends on your thoughts/emotions and where you were as you grew up.
I always said i was feminine male, i also used geek but that did not seem to fit stereotypes of geeks because i have always been an athlete. I still consider myself pretty geeky. I never really connected that to my sexuality.
100% straight guy, not in any way conflicted or feminine. I never thought of myself as anything other than a straight male.
I always wished I could have been born a woman, and I accepted those thoughts as a beautiful part of me. I knew it could never be so I made the best of being a man.
Until I found out I really could be a woman. Then there was no stopping me.
I was hetero male, then hetero female. I was faithful and married before and after. Notice past tense? Now after my marriage has crumbled (not my choice) and I'm older, I'm not seeing a relationship of any kind in my future. If I did, I think I'd prefer female companionship but I seriously don't know. In some ways it sucks but in others... well I'm getting good with being alone.
How did I identify? Broken. Outcast. Alone.
Quote from: Cindi Jones on February 19, 2016, 07:24:09 PM
I was hetero male, then hetero female. I was faithful and married before and after. Notice past tense? Now after my marriage has crumbled (not my choice) and I'm older, I'm not seeing a relationship of any kind in my future. If I did, I think I'd prefer female companionship but I seriously don't know. In some ways it sucks but in others... well I'm getting good with being alone.
I can relate to all of that, Cindi. I was a hetero male. Now I don't know what I am. But whatever it is, I'm pretty sure I'll be doing it by myself.
~Terri
Quote from: suzifrommd on February 19, 2016, 06:37:37 PM
100% straight guy, not in any way conflicted or feminine. I never thought of myself as anything other than a straight male.
I always wished I could have been born a woman, and I accepted those thoughts as a beautiful part of me. I knew it could never be so I made the best of being a man.
Until I found out I really could be a woman. Then there was no stopping me.
I think this describes where I'm at. I've lived comfortably as a hetero male, but I've also always dreamed of being a woman. Never realized how possible it was until I started doing research
I'm pretty similar to Suzi. I always thought of myself as 100% straight male. I liked sports and wrestling (until it started getting too rough), video games, pretty typical male things.
I hung out almost exclusively with males too. As we grew older together we sorted drifted apart. It just felt like something was off for me and like everyone else knew something was off too, we just didn't know what. I was accepted but I wasn't accepted you know?
I had thoughts of wishing I was a girl since elementary school. I became totally obsessed with "borrowing" clothes from people; anything that caught my eye I just had to have! I really couldn't help it...Things kept progressing till I found the trans term one day and here I am.
I really don't think I was very good at being a guy. Coming out has allowed me to shed so much baggage that I was carrying from trying.
I identified as male, but I was never really attached to maleness. I had lotsa female friends, and frequently thought of myself as "one of the girls."
In terms of sexuality... I was more or less interested in everybody I set my eyes on. I called that "bisexual" back then, but now I call myself pansexual.
I had trouble with how to identify since I was a kid. I would look at forms that asked if you were male or female and I would stare at it for an an inordinate amount of time then skip it and fill out the rest of the form and come back to that question and stare some more at it.
Quote from: Stevie on February 19, 2016, 09:54:33 PM
I would look at forms that asked if you were male or female and I would stare at it for an an inordinate amount of time then skip it and fill out the rest of the form and come back to that question and stare some more at it.
Ha!! Me too!!
Every single form, ever !
Originally it was a psychological battle of wills about which box to tick.
Now it's becoming more of a memory battle... How am I dressed today? What name am I using right now? Which identity am I using?
pretransition I was a teenager trying to be a straight manly male :laugh:
Before transitioning, I tried to act like a straight guy who was totally tough and manly because that was the only way I could be anything other than a freak. That was mostly because of my family, the military, and my ex-wife. I had to keep beating back that repeating thought in the back of my head that kept telling me otherwise. I actually lost my mind a few times trying to push it away. As soon as I didn't have to prove myself to anyone, I was able to just be me.
Don't know that I would say that I am transitioning yet. (although technically I guess I am-more a question of how far).
I always was a very stylish male with the ability to wear very manly styles but still come across with fashion. I think that is how I have been seen till now. Many have thought I was gay. So far I have only been interested sexually in women.
I always saw myself as "Other". I never felt like I fit a description. Till I saw the possibility that I should have been born biologically female.
Joanna
I was Athletic,geeky,outgoing. Never hated my male self. It just never felt right. Like a itch I couldn't scratch. Attracted to females, but enjoy some things a cis woman can't provide. Another trans woman is what I think would be ideal for me.
I'm similar to the OP, only more geeky. No interest in cars, but enjoy technical stuff and sports.
I hated.... Phrases like man-up. Soooo incredibly demotivating.
I think, on some level, I've resented my "maleness". I'm decent looking, but never wanted to improve, dress a little better, work out a little more.
I've always enjoyed and been attracted to women, being with them.
But open minded to where transition may take me. Definitely not feeling any different in terms of attraction at the moment though.
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gay, but something always felt off. took a while to pinpoint the exact reason and everything just fell into place after that. im alive and never been happier. ;)
I identified as a nerdy, straight, hippie male who liked to wear skirts. :)
I have never had any interest in men, either socially or sexually. Many of them repel me, and even the nice ones bore me. My interests have always been with women: hanging out with, partnering with, and eventually becoming one. If I could choose my sexual orientation, I would be a lesbian.
Straight dude. Thought I was a neckbeard but it turns out I was actually really attractive.
Quote from: KathyLauren on February 20, 2016, 07:49:27 PM
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I have never had any interest in men, either socially or sexually. Many of them repel me, and even the nice ones bore me. My interests have always been with women: hanging out with, partnering with, and eventually becoming one. If I could choose my sexual orientation, I would be a lesbian.
I can say these exact same words for myself.
(My english skills are not very good, it's difficult to express myself about such things; thanks to you Kathy !).
Until I became (too much late) aware that I was trans I have always had the strong sensation that I was not at the right place and that I had to play a role which was not mine.
I identified as a species all of my own. I didn't fit the idea of male and biologically I wasn't exactly female. So I identified as "messed up". I new I was attracted to both guys and gals but I didn't want to label that either until my then foster mum asked if I was gay.
I identified as a heterosexual male with occasional bisexual fetishes. I was not overtly masculine, but not anything resembling feminine. I am an academic by nature and have spent my life defying societal stereotypes. I dropped football for theater in high school and nobody blinked. I can fix my car and house then write a 20 page paper on the impact of global trade on poverty reduction. Appearance-wise I look like a standard male of my age. Everyone who knows me knows that I am quirky. Unfortunately, I also have extreme mood swings and have a propensity for being a rage machine. I am looking forward to blowing a few people's minds when I finally tell them that the identity I established wasn't entirely accurate.
Until age 13 I identified as male because that was what everybody told me. From then until I had my surgery at 30, I was an asexual transsexual. Post surgical I am a Demisexual woman.
I was never athletic and I am surprised I didn't flunk Physical Education unless it's because you can't flunk it. Without a social life, I turned to learning and soaked up every fact and skill I could so maybe that makes me a know it all woman. ;D
I had always identified as male, most probably for lack of an alternative. There was no real reason for me not to. Transsexual? I didn't even know what gay was until I was a teen. At that time there was no way I would have allowed myself to be gay. The thoughts that I had about my body and gender, in my mind, made me sick and maybe even evil, but not a girl. At 14 when I tried to 'fix' the problem and ended up in the hospital, it just reinforced the belief of how twisted I was. I was in there for quite some time and no one came to visit me. The nurses would not even talk to me, it WAS 1984 in the mountains of West Virginia after all :) . The years rolled by and nothing ever gave me cause to believe that I was a girl. Not the problems having sex with a woman despite the raging libido and constant thoughts of how incredible the female form was. Not the complete lack of desire to use the ah... pokey part and the corresponding belief that having a pokey part used on me would not be bad at all. ( I really had to wrap my brain around that at first, girls don't have pokey parts, until I learned about joy toys. ) Not when, in my mid twenties, when I started to wear women's underwear and my lunch break was spent in my car with my Vogue magazine hoping no one would catch me with it. Not thinking that the best possible use of vacation time would be locking myself in my home and living as a girl the whole time. Not laying in bed at night imagining how wonderful it would be to wake up a girl. Not the desperate bargaining with god,"Let me be a girl for one month or two, two would be better. I will do whatever you want, I'll be a priest or cure cancer. Just let me be a girl for two months or three, three would be better." Nothing ever made me doubt that I was a boy. I mean I had this part right, and I learned at a young age that any attempt to change that leads to massive bleeding, near death experiences, that sort of thing.
I had no idea it was possible to be anything other than the boy my body parts definitely pointed to me being. I had no idea is a lame excuse huh? It's the only excuse I have though. I lived my life as a male and did the best I could to be comfortable with it. Interests, bah, to a large degree they are social constructs. No, I never liked cars or many other man interests. That doesn't make me a girl, nor does my niece loving hunting make her a boy. Every piece of evidence I might have used as an argument that I was a girl, was useless. This case was never going to trial. The constant pressure of it eventually wore me down until I HAD to do something. I had no idea what at first, but something had to be done. That is when I found out that I was not alone, that there was something I could do about it, and the delusion of being a boy died.
We are all different so I don't know if I have helped. Do we have to be all female to have a desire to to change? I don't think so. Embrace your tomboy, your geek or your nerd, they have no bearing on your gender.
i think "metrosexual" was the term my mother used XD
Bad ass, hard drinking, weed n speed taking, girl & boy chasing, pool shooting,muscle car driving, punk & rock listening Triumph riding biker ( no softy Walter electric start bikes for me). I enjoyed working on cars & bikes, hanging out with other guys.
No longer do drugs, hardly ever drink, don't have a car, will be buying a Harley Sportster or Triumph America. Not been in a relationship for 11 years and have given up on dating though it would be nice if it happened.Still go to the punk festival despite pushing 60 and car and bike shows.
Much more comfortable with being bisexual, kind of a butch bi girl now
I identified as a heterosexual male. Married, father of 5 and depressed as hell.
I self identified as female from an early age but kept it to myself for the most part
Sex has never held much importance to me