This is something I have been thinking about and wondering, worrying about, for quite a long time now. What I am wondering is, do people who knew you from before transition ever really totally accept and I guess see you and treat you as if you cis after? (like, if they knew you as a guy and then you transition to girl, like do they every truly get past that?)
I've been out to people close to me for awhile now, my facebook is changed, I'm pretty much ft but it doesn't seem like anythings really changed that way yet. Most people still guy name me even tho I started getting on em about it, he, him etc too usually.
Then theres things like at work, my boss is always having me put away heavy stuff. I was never really strong to begin with and hrt def has lessened it a bit as well. I been complaining to her about it, I mean, it's really heavy! and while I can do it (barely!), its definitely hard and I'm quite sore after. What bothers me most is that she would never go up to another woman and tell them to do it you know. When I do complain about it I've been told to go put some meat on my bones, like wtf?!? It's not like there aren't guys there who could do it much easier either ..
Today I got a comment that stung me quite a bit. An employee and I were heading in like the same place or direction (I forgot exact circumstances) and she said, "ladies first" (referring to herself). I was just like wow, you know bout me and yet saying stuff like that..
I think there is maybe one person so far who actually has changed how he sees/treats me and that's it and even that's not totally idt.
It makes me wonder, will stuff like that ever end from people who knew the old you. I really can't stand this stuff much longer..
Prior to coming out I prepared and I guess expected to lose everyone and everything in doing so, not that I had much to lose, and I don't think that's ever changed... As far as I know its only been one person who haven't had contact with since. But now its like, I feel like I am close to the point of doing the dumping just cuz I can't stand or deal with it any longer..
I've had thoughts for years now of running/moving away and starting over somewhere new and where I was unknown. That desire has def become much stronger of late. It's not that I am really trying to go stealth or anything, I really don't think I'm all that passable yet, maybe never will be, and I def don't wanna have to hide stuff anymore but I can't help but think it could only be an improvement.
I wonder about this too, do people who meet you after you transition (regardless of how well you pass if they know your trans, or if they suspect it cuz you somewhat pass, or if you don't pass), do they treat you as the gender you present as and how does it compare to people who knew old you?
I don't think I am in a good situation tho to be able to do something like that tho atm, move somewhere, start over..
Thanks for reading (if you made it thru)! I'd really appreciate any and all thoughts, comments and experiences about this cuz it's really bothering me atm..
Some people will never care enough about the friendship/relationship to make an effort. They'll use any excuse to explain why they can't remember to use your new name or pronouns. You either have to get really tough with those people or let them go if their behaviour causes you grief and stress. Likewise there are some people who are great - the get your name and pronouns right straight away. They can and do accept you and it makes no difference to them what gender you are as long as you are still their friend. Everyone else lies somewhere in between.
I haven't encountered this. Nearly everyone where I work knows I used to be a man and most of them remember me that way. Occasionally people misgender me, but not often. OTOH, I'm a school teacher, and there isn't much of my life that's gendered in some way, so no occasion to see what they really think of me.
If someone ever said "ladies first" meaning them and not me, I would take serious vocal exception. In my opinion that is a microaggression aimed at denying you your gender.
As far as misgendering, I always correct people. If they do it multiple times, I insist that they apologize so it doesn't appear they're doing it on purpose. If it were ever to become clear that it was purposeful (hasn't ever happened), I would treat it as any other act of extreme disrespect.