I know that many of you will automatically say and quite rightly so...present how you feel comfortable as it shouldn't make a difference. I agree and it shouldn't.
I have however been told by 2 different people that I should present as Elizabeth as this will make a difference in how long it takes to get my letter and that those that don't take a few more sessions to get to it.
Presenting in your preferred gender I am told may certainly help to expedite the letter I need. I was intending on presenting this way but am a little unsure after my last encounter with a Psychiatrist. He accused me of trying too hard and I was presenting male at that point. I am probably once again overthinking things and being paranoid. This comes from this being my third and most successful attempt (so far) to transition. I am expecting something to come along and put a spanner in the works for me.
I'll wear a bunny suit if that helps my cause, I will only get once chance at a first impression and I want to make a good one. I would like this all over in a few sessions if I can...I have way less hassles to contend with than most Trans women, don't work, most of family live OS, supportive wife and kids, have psychiatric support for my transition, fully funded for the social transition, I am out to family and close friends and already with a diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria from the local Hospital Psychiatrist. I am far more fortunate as I don't have any where near that many relationships outside of family to deal with.
So long as I don't appear to be "trying to hard" by presenting as Elizabeth (and I can't see why it should) then that is what I intend to do.
I welcome your comments as any advice at this stage is greatly appreciated...I think I probably am just looking for reassurance that I am on the right track with my thinking.
Elizabeth K
When I went to my first Therapy Session in Oct 2014, I went in Male mode. My Therapist told me she wants to see me as Jessika from that point on. I was happy to say yes. :)
My Family and Friends have not seen me in male mode since I came out to them at Xmas 2014. I'm still not Full time yet either.
I know you don't want to hear it be present however you are comfortable. Your body language will show and the doctors will know. If all things are equal, then present as female. I presented as male until after I started with my third therapist because I didn't have a clue how to present and acceptable feminine image. Had I tried it, my therapist would have known what I was doing. After I started seeing number three, I gained the knowledge and comfort level to present female.
I don't know why, but my experience is quite different. I've seen two therapists and one psych and its always been about me telling them, not them diagnosing me. We have a discussion, they ask questions to help me clarify my thinking, and I tell them the diagnosis. Having said that, I never saw them with the intent of getting letters.
Most recently I was seeing a psych. I've always presented male, and I've said I'm going to continue doing that as long as I can no matter what. There's never been any indication of that being a problem so far as getting letters would have been concerned, had I actually wanted them. The psych challenged me on occasion, but we either discussed it or I told him he was wrong and why and we moved on. I may be exaggerating a bit when I say challenged, as it's never been confrontational (from him, I did it a lot).
I think I'd be pretty annoyed if I ran into your situation. Your trans right, and sane? Where's the <rude-word-here> letter.
Quote from: Dena on February 21, 2016, 06:36:45 PM
I know you don't want to hear it be present however you are comfortable. Your body language will show and the doctors will know. If all things are equal, then present as female. I presented as male until after I started with my third therapist because I didn't have a clue how to present and acceptable feminine image. Had I tried it, my therapist would have known what I was doing. After I started seeing number three, I gained the knowledge and comfort level to present female.
You are right it will show in body language and I appreciate your honesty.
@Elizabeth: It's your first appointment, right? If so, it's the beginning of a process that will take some time, probably more than you'd like. Therapists want to feel as though they're adding value. I think if you show up on day one, projecting your readiness for a surgical letter, the therapist will find more difficult challenges for you to complete.
Bottom Line: Present however you'll be most comfortable in a stressful situation. The therapist, at this point, is more interested in what's going on inside your head. If appearance was the deciding factor, you'd be headed to an appointment with a fashion consultant*.
*Not that you don't look fabulous already.
Quote from: AnonyMs on February 21, 2016, 06:47:15 PM
I don't know why, but my experience is quite different. I've seen two therapists and one psych and its always been about me telling them, not them diagnosing me. We have a discussion, they ask questions to help me clarify my thinking, and I tell them the diagnosis. Having said that, I never saw them with the intent of getting letters.
Most recently I was seeing a psych. I've always presented male, and I've said I'm going to continue doing that as long as I can no matter what. There's never been any indication of that being a problem so far as getting letters would have been concerned, had I actually wanted them. The psych challenged me on occasion, but we either discussed it or I told him he was wrong and why and we moved on. I may be exaggerating a bit when I say challenged, as it's never been confrontational (from him, I did it a lot).
I think I'd be pretty annoyed if I ran into your situation. Your trans right, and sane? Where's the <rude-word-here> letter.
In Adelaide we have a choice of two Psychiatrists who are able top do letters for HRT. One works part time and the other is not taking patients until next year. He closed his books for this year in October last year and I was the last he took on. There is one Dr who I know of that prescribes HRT but she will only do it with a letter form either of those two Psychs. She will not accept my first Psych letter because the Psych is not "known" within the gender area. She wants a letter stating I am ready to proceed and this can only come from one of those two Psych's. If I have an issue with the Psych I see on Monday then I am left with August the 25th to see the other one. With such limited choices and long waits you really don't want to stuff things up. I don't have the luxury of being able to say "I'll go elsewhere" because I don't have anywhere else to go.
I am diagnosed and I am sane (although...) most of the time. I am annoyed and have been for months about it but there is nothing I can do. There are some people working really hard here in SA trying to make things better but it is slow going and very difficult.
Thanks for your thoughts
Quote from: diane 2606 on February 21, 2016, 07:47:33 PM
@Elizabeth: It's your first appointment, right? If so, it's the beginning of a process that will take some time, probably more than you'd like. Therapists want to feel as though they're adding value. I think if you show up on day one, projecting your readiness for a surgical letter, the therapist will find more difficult challenges for you to complete.
Bottom Line: Present however you'll be most comfortable in a stressful situation. The therapist, at this point, is more interested in what's going on inside your head. If appearance was the deciding factor, you'd be headed to an appointment with a fashion consultant*.
*Not that you don't look fabulous already.
The system here is a bit different from the US and I know here, they try and get people through if they can with a minimum of appointments because of the long waiting lists. Obviously if there are issues to be resolved then they have to be resolved before proceeding. It can be as quick as your second visit but all depends on the issues you have to sort out. I have done all that I can already with a Psychologist so I have a few things going for me as far as the possibility of a quick turn around.
Thank you for your kind compliment I did feel a bit fabulous when I took that photo LOL
Elizabeth K
Quote from: Jessika on February 21, 2016, 06:35:18 PM
When I went to my first Therapy Session in Oct 2014, I went in Male mode. My Therapist told me she wants to see me as Jessika from that point on. I was happy to say yes. :)
My Family and Friends have not seen me in male mode since I came out to them at Xmas 2014. I'm still not Full time yet either.
That makes a lot of sense to me considering I just want to get on with it. I have been waiting in limbo for a few months now so it will be great to finally move forward.
Its not fair, obviously. I've got something of the same issue, only not about this part of it.
My entire life since I realized I'm trans has been driven by the need to retain control, and I've gone way off the beaten track with the way I'm going about my life. Fear of others having control over my life has driven me to do a lot of unusual things.
So I don't need to worry about getting approval from the psych, but I have caused myself a great deal of other problems instead. I've no idea which way is better, but its not like there's a lot of choice.
Quote from: AnonyMs on February 21, 2016, 09:30:14 PM
My entire life since I realized I'm trans has been driven by the need to retain control
One of the systemic flaws is the lack of control we have—we're dancing to the piper's tune. I think the best any of us can hope for is to relax and enjoy the ride (by ride, I mean hoops someone else demands we jump through).
I'm sure the WPATH standards were developed with the best of intentions.
I deliberately present as feminine the first time I interact with any medical professional, if I want transition-related care. I have a very gruff voice and personality, so I'm read as male no matter how I look. I overcompensate with my clothes.
Best way to present is how you are comfortable. I never dressed up fancy for it but I was full time when I started so I was dressed as my authentic self from the beginning. The key is to be you the rest they are not going to worry about to much so as a result i wouldn't over dress unless that is how you want to dress. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: diane 2606 on February 21, 2016, 09:46:37 PM
Quote from: AnonyMs on February 21, 2016, 09:30:14 PM
My entire life since I realized I'm trans has been driven by the need to retain control
One of the systemic flaws is the lack of control we have—we're dancing to the piper's tune. I think the best any of us can hope for is to relax and enjoy the ride (by ride, I mean hoops someone else demands we jump through).
I'm sure the WPATH standards were developed with the best of intentions.
I pretty much have control on the medical side and WPATH's is no longer something I need to worry about; there's ways around everything. However the the entire experience has left me a bit paranoid, and that's causing a lot of other problems. Just giving in and doing what everyone else does probably would have been easier, but I'm just not made that way.
Quote from: ElizabethK on February 21, 2016, 06:27:32 PM
I know that many of you will automatically say and quite rightly so...present how you feel comfortable as it shouldn't make a difference. I agree and it shouldn't.
I have however been told by 2 different people that I should present as Elizabeth as this will make a difference in how long it takes to get my letter and that those that don't take a few more sessions to get to it.
Presenting in your preferred gender I am told may certainly help to expedite the letter I need. I was intending on presenting this way but am a little unsure after my last encounter with a Psychiatrist. He accused me of trying too hard and I was presenting male at that point. I am probably once again overthinking things and being paranoid. This comes from this being my third and most successful attempt (so far) to transition. I am expecting something to come along and put a spanner in the works for me.
I'll wear a bunny suit if that helps my cause, I will only get once chance at a first impression and I want to make a good one. I would like this all over in a few sessions if I can...I have way less hassles to contend with than most Trans women, don't work, most of family live OS, supportive wife and kids, have psychiatric support for my transition, fully funded for the social transition, I am out to family and close friends and already with a diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria from the local Hospital Psychiatrist. I am far more fortunate as I don't have any where near that many relationships outside of family to deal with.
So long as I don't appear to be "trying to hard" by presenting as Elizabeth (and I can't see why it should) then that is what I intend to do.
I welcome your comments as any advice at this stage is greatly appreciated...I think I probably am just looking for reassurance that I am on the right track with my thinking.
Elizabeth K
I was hormonally reassigned while still presenting as 'male' (ish), a bit on the effeminate andro side I must admit.
I wasn't going to go into RLE before I started HRT and I started to present as me after about 3 months post HRT.
PM me if you like.
I presented male and got a HRT letter in the minimum three visits. However, I told my psychologist that I had done HRT DIY before and that my reason for being there was to start HRT with a Dr. Maybe the answer is it just depends on the Dr and what they expect to see and hear. FWIW, my Dr was a transitioned man.
Sapere Aude
Quote from: ElizabethK on February 21, 2016, 09:01:15 PM
That makes a lot of sense to me considering I just want to get on with it. I have been waiting in limbo for a few months now so it will be great to finally move forward.
I started my Therapy in Oct 2014 and didn't get my Letter until Jan 31 2015. My Therapist is a LCSW and I had to see the Medical Director who is a Psychologist to concur. (Make sure I wasn't Coo-Coo for Cocoa Puffs) LOL
Never needed a letter (although i was offered one). I dressed as myself, presenting as feminine but not very feminine. Jeans, leather jacket boots and a T-shirt. She said she could tell i was comfortable with myself. So i think that is the key, being comfortable.
I saw my new therapist again today for my 1st official hour session. She seems to like that I am somewhat comfortable with who I am now. I was on diy hrt for around 2 years then stopped to try to save a marriage-fail. My main reason for going was to get a letter for HRT.
My presentation now is androgenous as male and I can look feminine when I want to. I unexpectedly continued to develop in subtle ways that I was not readily aware of until my therapist pointed them out to me. Just present however feels comfortable to you right then. ;)
Quote from: RobynD on February 22, 2016, 02:30:17 PM
Never needed a letter (although i was offered one). I dressed as myself, presenting as feminine but not very feminine. Jeans, leather jacket boots and a T-shirt. She said she could tell i was comfortable with myself. So i think that is the key, being comfortable.
Thanks Robyn
I appreciate your candor...I agree with you totally, being comfortable within yourself is going to show and to be perfectly honest I am a much happier person presenting as my true self. So will wait and see what Monday is like as far as weather and my head space goes.
Elizabeth K
Hi ElizabethK,
thanks for posting this topic - I'm waiting to meet a new therapist too, and I was into the same concerns.
I come to the conclusion that to present myself enfemme it would not be a great idea, because i would just do it in order to shock her hoping to speed up the whole thing.
I think it will be better for me to don't put everything under pressure with any planned "strategy", i think i will wear some female undergarments just to be more in tune with myself and over those just jeans and similar... Maybe ... just a very light make up... maybe not - i will decide later, checking how i feel before to meet her.
Hugs,
Aly
Thanks Alycya
I agree with you about putting yourself under pressure. I, like you, understand that is shouldn't make any difference how you present and being confident and comfortable is also Key. If you are confident and comfortable presenting both ways then it really is a matter of choice. However my experience tells me that first impressions do count whether right or wrong. I am so far inclined to go for Androgynous to fem look and be comfortable.
Elizabeth K
First few times I went in "male mode" as I was too frightened to go dressed in public. Met with the psychiatrist in male mode and he called me at that time, by my old name. He commented that maybe one day he could meet "Clare". At my next appointment a few months later, I went as Clare and I was very much differently dressed. He didn't know this and called my old name in the waiting room. I approached him and introduced myself as Clare and said she was pleased to meet him. After that, I never looked back!
He had written in his notes about "drab male clothing" but for the second, I was "strikingly dressed as a woman in a nice business suit. A remarkable change from the previous appointment".
Since then, I went the distance and sent all my other clothes to charity and now all I have is female clothing as that's how I live now 24/7. So much better!!
Personally i'm about to go see my first therapist about my gd and a few other issues wednesday. I'm definitely going in guy mode there's no way in hell i'm walking outside my house dressup up until I feel comfortable I can pass at least for a distance and have come out to a friend that usually sees me walking by her house and my family I ope it goes alright. I gotta get a job that pays enough for hair transplant before I ever try to pass my family's cursed we all get bald up top I started to notice my hair thinning/receding at just 20 to started happening to me in my 20's but now its quite noticeable @ just 34.
Ever since my first appointment - well except once when I took my wife with me - I went wearing girls clothes although I'm still living as a male. My therapist is currently the only person I'm able to be 100% me and wearing the right clothes makes it much easier for me. I also wore girl clothes to all my endo appointments and I'm sure it can make a difference on how soon you can get the HRT reference letter - if this is what you are going for.
-J
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
I presented as male with mine until about two weeks before I went fulltime. I later found out they thought I had been presenting as female that whole time. But I also told them how it was instead of letting them figure it out.
My usual outfit is androgenous at best when I wear male clothing and it is very rare that I don't wear feminine clothing of some sort. I was looking what I thought was masculine-oh but I was so wrong. I was told I looked feminine in every way and I should not worry about that anymore. That made me feel great!
I have no confidence in my female image and I still present as male or somewhat a mixup... I go at it very slow... 6-8months later now.
For me HRT is the first step, honestly, this head needs a bit of work :')
No amount of clothing changes the fact how I look
and i'd like to wear makeup
to accentuate things
not to hide.
Dress the way you feel. Not all woman are foo foo anyway. I love being all female, pinks, long nails, nice shoes, rings, jewelry, perfume, love dresses....... but that's just me, that's what makes me feel comfortable. Lots of my natural women friends dress so dull but they are still women, no doubt.
Quote from: Brandii on March 12, 2016, 06:29:49 PM
My usual outfit is androgenous at best when I wear male clothing and it is very rare that I don't wear feminine clothing of some sort. I was looking what I thought was masculine-oh but I was so wrong. I was told I looked feminine in every way and I should not worry about that anymore. That made me feel great!
It weird about our own self-perception. I can't imagine myself looking feminine at the moment...I tend to go with an androgynous look and have never really considered that I look any different that I always have. However after an incident about a week ago where some bloke took exception to me...I did not even realise why he was being such an ass until we moved on and that is when I realised that maybe I look a bit more feminine than your average red-blooded Aussie male can handle. This actually brought a smile to my face...along with anger about the guys rudeness and bigotry...We get so used to seeing ourselves in a particular way...all these small changes we make to ourselves add up to a whole new first impression.
Liz K
I pretty much already present as male except that I don't bind my chest (and even with my chest unbound, I am sometimes read as male), and that's how I'll go to a therapist because that's my every day look. I don't want to feel like I'm trying to manipulate the sessions; I want the therapist to give me an honest "review" of what they think is going on with me. Even though deep down I know I'm trans, I have this need for others to validate me, and so on and so forth, and I'd like to know what they think.
My 4th therapy appt was yesterday, and it was the first time I dressed as Sofia. Therapist didn't really mention anything regarding my looks, but did get in some time to discuss the violence directed at black trans women. I will be dressing as Sofia from here on.
Have fun with therapy, it's costing you money. Go all out somtime just for fun, pinks, long nails, 3-4 inch heels, lots of mascara, red lipstick, perfume, real smooth legs, hose maybe, hoop earrings, a full wig with lots of volume......Really let go & enjoy your self. It's your $ that you are paying someone for, so enjoy yourself. We are in charge, not some "therapist" getting your $ to just sit there & talk some.