I'm only out to family and two close friends. I just graduated high school and I'm taking a year off to transition before university so I don't really see a group of people everyday as I don't have a job either. However, I have no idea how to go about telling everyone? My other friends, friends of friends, friends family etc. Did you just individually come out as you met up with people again? Because I don't think I could do that lol.
I don't completely not see people from school as it's easy to run into people in my area and I do go to parties sometimes. So they'll have to find out. I'm thinking of just changing my name on Facebook and leaving it at that. I don't want to make a status and make a commotion over it, especially for when I meet new people and add them on Facebook I'd be basically outing myself.
It really does vary from group of people to group of people. The thing to keep in mind is that news of this nature travels fast and it also tends to take on a life of its own. Before you know it, people who you never expected to know will know and will be telling others and the version they tell will be fabricated with stuff that may not be true. So the core of coming out is how much control do you want to have about the truth about yourself? If you set out on the front foot, tell it like it is, let them know you identify as a guy, you are changing your name and your appearance and pronouns and you would value their support and acceptance then you won't be spending as much time on the back foot and hearing lies about yourself.
You could email or group text people instead, that's less public than facebook. Or, i was thinking of making a new fb account, doing the status update and saying anyone who wants to can add me under my new name, and i'd delete the old account and start over
I just told my close friends and family then shared it with acquaintances that I actually see. The rest took care of itself since, as someone mentioned above, people talk. I actually created a new Facebook and shut down the old as I DIDN'T want to explain myself to people I knew years ago who I would likely never have contact with again. When I refriended the people I did want to know, I sent them a short private message on Facebook explaining the situation. I don't talk about it on my Facebook as you never know what work associates or future employers might see social media, even if it is set to private. Personally, I don't consider my transition anyone's business, and I actually don't have many people ask me about it, even those who I have told. Mostly people don't seem to care all that much. I sometimes wonder if people "take It better" when the transition is FTM or if people in general just prefer to avoid talking about stuff they don't know much about. Either way, it's made it fairly easy for me--a few private messages, and I was pretty much done.
I told close friends and family first, then told friends I'm less close to at a gathering where the subject had already come up, so that I was able to bring up my own status as part of an ongoing conversation, and eventually posted something about my name and gender change on Facebook (I'm very selective about my Facebook friends, though). I also told several people via email -- ones I wanted to inform but don't see very often.
I agree with Grace -- it's way better to come out yourself, in ways that allow you to control the message, than to wait for the news to get out on its own.
I told my roommates in person.
I told my parents and siblings in person.
I told everyone at work in person.
For everyone else, I just updated my name, switched my pronouns, and made my gender visible on Facebook. I didn't post any kind of message about it. I got a lot of messages wishing me luck and saying nice things. Nobody unfriended me. I unfriended one aunt and uncle who sent me a message saying that they wanted me to be happy but wouldn't support my decision.
If you don't make a post explaining the change, expect to get messages from confused people who need an explanation.
To my friends, I came out on Facebook. I said my name was Rowan. I described the meaning of the name Rowan, and why it matched me so well. I explained shortly that I had thought about it long and hard, and that I had met some people (also FTM), and then I realized why I had felt weird during all my life.
As to whether or not to come out on Facebook: it does depend on whether you want to be out or not. If you only want to be out to a select few, you could message them.
To my work I came out in a weekly "newspaper". I said that I had introduced myself previously with a different name but that in 2016 my name would be Rowan, and I talked a bit about who I am.
To everyone else I came out through the mail and basically repeated some of the stuff above.
I got mostly positive reactions from everyone!
Best of luck :)
Quote from: Moneyless on February 24, 2016, 02:21:41 AM
I'm only out to family and two close friends. I just graduated high school and I'm taking a year off to transition before university so I don't really see a group of people everyday as I don't have a job either. However, I have no idea how to go about telling everyone? My other friends, friends of friends, friends family etc. Did you just individually come out as you met up with people again? Because I don't think I could do that lol.
I don't completely not see people from school as it's easy to run into people in my area and I do go to parties sometimes. So they'll have to find out. I'm thinking of just changing my name on Facebook and leaving it at that. I don't want to make a status and make a commotion over it, especially for when I meet new people and add them on Facebook I'd be basically outing myself.
Hi!
Well, my coming out story was pretty brash.
In the summer of 2014 I came out to my sister, best friend and my mum... My mum knew my dad would have issues with it. So while my dad was at work, I moved all my belongings into my mums house and left a letter on the table for my dad. I thought a letter was a good idea because you don't have to deal with the initial reaction in the same way (not saying it wasn't hard).. Later, I slowly started presenting my self as more flamboyant at university.. Then one day after notifying my professors first by email, I showed up to my classes in full drag and gave a mini speech about what was going on.. eventually making my way to my largest class 75+ students.
Honestly, peoples reactions were the best I've ever heard. People were super happy for me and I heard one person shout.. "you're a hero" Eventually I posted a photo and description on facebook after approaching the people I knew closely. which had great results.
I'm not saying everyone has this experience, but sometimes I think you just have to pull the bandaid off. Not to say everyone has had the same experience I have had.
You're all very brave lol. I do acknowledge that it's better to explain it to people yourself but I have pretty terrible social anxiety, which I expect to get better after I get on T. Maybe I will deactivate my FB for the time being, which I only made like a few weeks ago lol, and once I'm on T and out to people that I do see I'll make a new one, so then only people who are accepting would add me rather than having a bunch of people on my Facebook who might not be so on board.
Thanks for all the answers. I do hope my coming out goes as smoothly. I'm very excited to see if I will be able to go stealth in university :)
I told my closest friends first. Mostly feeling awkward and not knowing how to phrase any of it. It wasn't easy, but with each one it felt a little bit better.
Then I made posts across my major social media accounts and changed my name on everything I could. It did lead to a few awkward questions for people who hadn't seen the posts, but they understood once I explained.
The most awkward one was coming out at work. It was a more involved process, talking to several levels of HR and choosing a set date and telling everyone. For that one I had the floor manager email the announcement to everyone that I was now known as Colin.
It's one of those things that happens in stages, it's never just one time, and you gotta do it in a way that suits you.
I came out in one full swoop. I'd been sort of changing slowly and then due to a comment on a Friday I came out to everyone at work. I went in on the Monday as me in a skirt, blouse etc.
I had flowers in my office, lovely text messages and since I'm well known at work a lot of phone calls. All of which were supportive.
The haters just hid in the woodwork and did whatever haters do in woodwork.
My fear was massive, the reality was that there was no issue at all.
i came out to my parents, then my closet friends first. the rest of my family has no idea but since i'm currently living abroad, they won't be seeing me in the next 5 years or so, i'll think of ways to deal with that later.
the majority of people, i write 2 statuses about my coming out and my transition. i also explain a little bit why i feel this way and what should they expect in the near future.
i also changed name on my facebook which indeed take lots of my photoshop skills to fake every single paperwork because they ask to have at lease one government photo ID and something else in the new name and i currently don't have one in that name. keep in mind they're going to do that to you too if you want to change name.
i clean up my facebook especially all the legs for days and boobs pictures. lol. the rest look very androgynous so i can get away with it.
then i came out to this close friend of mine and he actually offers me to let him break it down to his group of friends, whom i've been hanging out with ever since. so it makes it less weird and easier for everyone to swallow the information. then whenever they have questions, i'm open to answer them :] they're very supportive of me.