How hard was it to make friends with cis men (straight or gay)? Did you tell them your were trans? If you did what did they think? Did they treat you like less of a man.
Not hard at all. The new guys coming into my job don't know. I do usually get outed. I do get respected. They see me as one of the guys. I can stand up for myself no problem even though I'm only 5 feet tall. I do share my story and guys understand that I'm not weird or strange. Overall I have had only one issue and my boss suspended him for a week with not pay. He acknowledged that as an employer he could get sued. My boss has educated himself on trans people. Although he has come to the conclusion that there is nothing wrong with ftm he does not think the same of mtf. He does watch several trans shows and keeps up with media. Also I use the men's room here with no issues. Guys actually are laid back around me. I consider myself a really good manager that follows directions to the t and they guys appreciate that. They also do come to me for opinions on personal matters not related to work. Overall a good experience for me.
I will like to go stealth after I graduate. I want to know what it feels like for no one to know. Mainly because my family doesn't acknowledge my trans status and always misgender me and use my birth name.
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Not hard, but I typically don't tell people unless they need to know (i.e. we're going to be sleeping together). And I don't sleep with men, so never really been an issue there.
I haven't lost any friends in my transition. A lot of my biggest supporters are straight cis men. As far as new friends, I just don't usually say. I may get outed down the line as they meet my other groups of friends, but it hasn't been an issue so far. Most of them that have found out later on really don't believe it and think my friends have a strange sense of humor. After they see pictures before/after and hear about what I've had done, they have been incredibly supportive.
Nobody in my life treats me any differently than any other guy.
Quote from: 2fish on February 27, 2016, 05:48:43 AM
Not hard at all. The new guys coming into my job don't know. I do usually get outed. I do get respected. They see me as one of the guys. I can stand up for myself no problem even though I'm only 5 feet tall. I do share my story and guys understand that I'm not weird or strange. Overall I have had only one issue and my boss suspended him for a week with not pay. He acknowledged that as an employer he could get sued. My boss has educated himself on trans people. Although he has come to the conclusion that there is nothing wrong with ftm he does not think the same of mtf. He does watch several trans shows and keeps up with media. Also I use the men's room here with no issues. Guys actually are laid back around me. I consider myself a really good manager that follows directions to the t and they guys appreciate that. They also do come to me for opinions on personal matters not related to work. Overall a good experience for me.
I will like to go stealth after I graduate. I want to know what it feels like for no one to know. Mainly because my family doesn't acknowledge my trans status and always misgender me and use my birth name.
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I'm somewhat of a female bodybuilder now and after I become the man I've always wanted to be I'm sure I'll be stronger because of the T. I have never been in a fight in my life. How do you report discrimination? Is there a specific number you call?
I work for a small family owned company. We do not have an HR department. If I had any issues I'd have to sue in court. I'd probably end up looking for another job. No one would no I was trans because I pass and I've had both top surgery and had my documents changed over.
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Quote from: alienbodybuilder on February 27, 2016, 02:00:19 PM
I'm somewhat of a female bodybuilder now and after I become the man I've always wanted to be I'm sure I'll be stronger because of the T. I have never been in a fight in my life. How do you report discrimination? Is there a specific number you call?
Most guys I know have never been in a fight in their lives. I have always been "one of the boys" so I have had no problems at all integrating with cis men. It is women I sometimes have more of a problem fitting in with. A certain kind of woman, anyway, like the women who make up most of where I work. Really girly girl types. I find that, regardless of gender, men treat you like one of the guys if you act like one. Even when I presented female (and I dressed very feminine with long hair and makeup and skirts and all that jazz), the men I was friends with treated me like they treated their male friends, meaning that I was included in dirty jokes, that they never tried to "protect" me the way they would some women, and that they expected me to hold my own in anything we did. Of course, it also meant that I ended up having to listen when they trash talked their girlfriends and all that. I think to most guys it matters more how you act then what your gender actually is. Once they realized I didn't fit their more mysoginostic stereotypes of female they stuck me in the "bro" catagory. As I transitioned, they really didn't seem to noticed the difference, lol.
I DID once get into an argument with one of my friends about how "women are", though. He seemed to feel that all females except me (I was still presenting female) were bimbos who want to sit in your lap and giggle, with no other goals in life. I found it interesting that he would argue this to someone he saw as female, which just made me realize he didn't really see me as female at all but something else, since I didn't fit his low opinion of females. It's amazing how people's minds work sometimes.
Quote from: FtMitch on February 27, 2016, 07:04:37 PM
Most guys I know have never been in a fight in their lives. I have always been "one of the boys" so I have had no problems at all integrating with cis men. It is women I sometimes have more of a problem fitting in with. A certain kind of woman, anyway, like the women who make up most of where I work. Really girly girl types. I find that, regardless of gender, men treat you like one of the guys if you act like one. Even when I presented female (and I dressed very feminine with long hair and makeup and skirts and all that jazz), the men I was friends with treated me like they treated their male friends, meaning that I was included in dirty jokes, that they never tried to "protect" me the way they would some women, and that they expected me to hold my own in anything we did. Of course, it also meant that I ended up having to listen when they trash talked their girlfriends and all that. I think to most guys it matters more how you act then what your gender actually is. Once they realized I didn't fit their more mysoginostic stereotypes of female they stuck me in the "bro" catagory. As I transitioned, they really didn't seem to noticed the difference, lol.
I DID once get into an argument with one of my friends about how "women are", though. He seemed to feel that all females except me (I was still presenting female) were bimbos who want to sit in your lap and giggle, with no other goals in life. I found it interesting that he would argue this to someone he saw as female, which just made me realize he didn't really see me as female at all but something else, since I didn't fit his low opinion of females. It's amazing how people's minds work sometimes.
I have respect for women, but don't like them around much. I'm a feminist because it really was a hardship for me to live as a woman all these years and refuse to go through what most women do. I know what it's like to be abused by a sexist male. I take care of an elderly female relative. Women who fit a female stereotype and like pregnancy and talk about baby showers and bridal showers get on my nerves. I got invited to those parties and was a bride's made. At least I'll never get invited to them again. I hate other females, especially relatives treating me like I'm delicate and advising me about health and what jobs I shouldn't do because I'm a woman, or not going out at night.
It's not really a problem anymore. I'm done with my transition and I go stealth unless I choose to tell someone. I think the problem before T and surgeries was that I passed as a prepubescent boy but was in reality 20+ years old so people were just too confused by it. I still don't look or sound super masculine but I suppose people just think I lost the gene lottery or something to look this young at almost 26. I like to say I sleep in moth balls to keep my youthful looks. |D
I don't see a reason to tell about my trans status to anyone. It's part of my medical history and doesn't identify me at all. The only ones I've told now that I'm done with the transition were the teachers at my current and that's a whopping two people. I honestly think they don't even remember anymore and they certainly don't treat me any differently from the rest of the guys in my class.
Most of my friends are male and I make friends more easily with those probably because of common interests. I don't discuss trans with anybody who doesn't need to know out there. Not just males but pretty much anybody will have their view 'altered' in some way by this information, for good or ill.
Quote from: T.K.G.W. on February 28, 2016, 08:53:12 AM
Most of my friends are male and I make friends more easily with those probably because of common interests. I don't discuss trans with anybody who doesn't need to know out there. Not just males but pretty much anybody will have their view 'altered' in some way by this information, for good or ill.
I already have a trans male friend- a US Vet, and gay male friends one gay male is a CNA, but the trans male I know is straight, and I'm not attracted to the gay men I know. I have a cis male friend that wouldn't discriminate against me, he's asexual. I know two trans women who are pre op. One is a video game hermit and the other translady is very family oriented and spends a lot of time with her family and is a hotel maid. I know an androgynous guy that works at the post office. I have miscellaneous women friends of different walks of life.
Most importantly I'm in a relationship with a good man.
I moved to the country to work a decent job and start a business and was worried about how the rednecks would react (that's what they call themselves). No one cares, and no one walks on egg shells either. No one here is concerned with being PC. When I first moved out here they weren't too sure about me, and kept testing what they could say around me to see if they could pissed me off or not. It didn't work, and now I'm that weird gay guy with purple hair and mean dogs that's pretty cool to have a beer with. And I won't steal their women. What's not to love?
I don't talk about my personal life. I don't sexualize men around my coworkers. I don't even elude to anything private. I'm just not that person. Everyone either knows or assumes and if they have questions they ask me, and I'll tell them what they want to know up to a point.
It's amazing how much having self respect can influence people around you. Strong characters set strong examples.
Quote from: randomroads on February 29, 2016, 08:08:56 PM
I moved to the country to work a decent job and start a business and was worried about how the rednecks would react (that's what they call themselves). No one cares, and no one walks on egg shells either. No one here is concerned with being PC. When I first moved out here they weren't too sure about me, and kept testing what they could say around me to see if they could pissed me off or not. It didn't work, and now I'm that weird gay guy with purple hair and mean dogs that's pretty cool to have a beer with. And I won't steal their women. What's not to love?
I don't talk about my personal life. I don't sexualize men around my coworkers. I don't even elude to anything private. I'm just not that person. Everyone either knows or assumes and if they have questions they ask me, and I'll tell them what they want to know up to a point.
It's amazing how much having self respect can influence people around you. Strong characters set strong examples.
When I'm not on this site I'm a very private person. Much like you I have a lot of confidence and inner strength. I'm trying to build the body to match my inner self. I'm pre T, so right now I just crossdress. I am very much a city boy and would mostly prefer a clean living crowd. I don't drink,smoke or use any drugs. I love Jesus Christ, and understand why many people have a problem with traditional christianity. I get along with religious conservatives who see me as a sinner, but aren't totally intolerant. They often warn me of "turning my back on God", I also have a GLBT crowd I see at a Unitarian Church. I'm trying out an Episcopal church right now and if I like the people I'll get baptized there. I have other friends who go to several churches. I have a supportive partner who is 36 years my senior and other than Christ he's like the father I never had.
It hasn't been hard for me, though I don't talk to my cis male friends that much (since time has kind of moved us apart). The ones who know are totally cool and fine with me being trans, and the ones who don't know are also chill and likely wouldn't care either way. We're like brothers, and they still see me as equal to them.
Iv'e never been outed myself. They do joke with me quite a bit about it though. Most of my friends call me "man lite" because I'm 5 foot 2 and very fem. I never had trouble making male friends though. Actually, always had trouble keeping up with female friends more consistently. The only thing that occasionally gets annoying is that I am gay and they do occasionally get antsy about that despite the fact that I have a boyfriend. I think it;s because they know that I used to look very feminine. I don't know. Overall though not bad.
--Sebastian
Quote from: Mitternacht on March 13, 2016, 04:54:41 PM
Iv'e never been outed myself. They do joke with me quite a bit about it though. Most of my friends call me "man lite" because I'm 5 foot 2 and very fem. I never had trouble making male friends though. Actually, always had trouble keeping up with female friends more consistently. The only thing that occasionally gets annoying is that I am gay and they do occasionally get antsy about that despite the fact that I have a boyfriend. I think it;s because they know that I used to look very feminine. I don't know. Overall though not bad.
--Sebastian
If people still treat me too much like a woman after my transition and not accept me as a male I'll probably move away and start a new life. It will be trauma to be reminded that I was a woman.
I've always easily made friends with cisguys straight and gay, but I'd guess maybe a quarter of straight guys get awkward when I tell them I'm trans. Half of cisguys and cisgirls visibly treat me like "less of a man" at least temporarily. A very tiny percentage get angry. I've had a range of reactions, some of them really weird.
I'm a white guy in my mid thirties in Portland Oregon, for context. And a lot of the adults I talk to are teachers, therapists, skills trainers, aides, and other parents. Of those categories only therapists are known for being chill with transgender people.
Yeah at all of my jobs I usually have a few bros that want to be friends. It's cool. I'm never outed at work but if I was I'd be confident about it because those type of guys are usually really confident. You just have to be yourself and see where it takes you. I do prefer to be friends with women though.
Quote from: alienbodybuilder on March 14, 2016, 06:43:22 AM
If people still treat me too much like a woman after my transition and not accept me as a male I'll probably move away and start a new life. It will be trauma to be reminded that I was a woman.
It's not really that they remind me of my past. They do think of me as a man. But I am gay and do dress very feminine. I think in reality it's more of a reference to that than anything else because they know it would really bother me if they kept treating me like a woman.
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Quote from: Mitternacht on March 14, 2016, 04:10:38 PM
It's not really that they remind me of my past. They do think of me as a man. But I am gay and do dress very feminine. I think in reality it's more of a reference to that than anything else because they know it would really bother me if they kept treating me like a woman.
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Did you stay with the same crowd of people who knew you before your transition?
Quote from: alienbodybuilder on March 14, 2016, 07:56:25 PM
Did you stay with the same crowd of people who knew you before your transition?
Some yes, others no. I did not switch groups because of transitioning, more just because I like to travel and move every year or so. Some of my closest friends met me right at the beginning, before I had even chosen a name. I think it's quite really easy if you just act as you always have and let them know what you are thinking or if something they do makes you uncomfortable.
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Quote from: Mitternacht on March 14, 2016, 08:40:15 PM
Some yes, others no. I did not switch groups because of transitioning, more just because I like to travel and move every year or so. Some of my closest friends met me right at the beginning, before I had even chosen a name. I think it's quite really easy if you just act as you always have and let them know what you are thinking or if something they do makes you uncomfortable.
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I'm always thinking and spaced out. I unintentionally ignore people in the middle of a conversation and then don't know what they said and they get annoyed because I'm not a very good listener unless someone's showing me how to do a task.
I switched jobs (kind of, currently hold two jobs) and I'm one of the guys at work. It's a very liberating experience, definitely, seeing how I never managed to accomplish that pre-transition when I still lived as a girl, though I always desired it.
No one seems to know or suspect and I haven't been outed since only my boss knows about it (difficult not to, seeing how I also had my top surgery about two weeks ago).
Not being out to some of them does stress me out though, because I am also very aware of how I am limited in how I can participate in some activities that they take for granted I should be able to participate in as they do (e.g. going to the gym and change in the locker room). I've been thinking to maybe eventually tell some of the guys I speak more to, but we'll see. The people seem pretty chill thus far, but I'm unsure how they'll react and how it'll alter their perception of me. I am out to some of my friends online though I haven't met them and we are also in a way, "a bunch of guys" though the group is generally speaking, mixed and they treat me like a guy, too. It's nice to feel equal to them, anyway, and they don't seem to commonly self-reflect over my trans status whatsoever even though they actually know about it.
It'd be easier if I felt closer to these people at work, then maybe I'd dare to open up and tell them because I find it easier that way. I don't like the idea that I'm hiding and I need to come up with weird explanations or excuses for some things I do in order to not accidentally out myself. Maybe other people don't mind it, but i personally find it very stressful.
All of my friends before transition said the same thing or something close approximation of "well, that makes a lot more sense" when I came out. I work in mental health now as a direct service provider taking care of a developmentally disabled client (who also happens to be a transwoman and she's just adorable) and most of my bosses know. They don't treat me any differently and in fact are really glad that I'm there to explain some things that have been overlooked with my client. She's almost 40 and people haven't really understood her needs until I was able to explain them. I'm usually just teased for being the youngest guy.
Making friends outside of work has been a bit delayed since I only just moved back to the US but I really don't have any problems. They few people I have met don't even ask or think a thing about it. I've been called ma'am by a few people I was introduced to but as soon as I correct them, they just apologize and move on. I live in a weird town that's politically conservative but culturally liberal so most guys just accept me at face value. I haven't been outed much back here in the states but I was outed a few times when I lived in Japan. Even there the guys where a little surprised at first but they didn't treat me any differently.
I do get teased occasionally for my sweater vests, but I'm just one of the guys.
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Quote from: Ayden on March 15, 2016, 10:06:11 AM
All of my friends before transition said the same thing or something close approximation of "well, that makes a lot more sense" when I came out. I work in mental health now as a direct service provider taking care of a developmentally disabled client (who also happens to be a transwoman and she's just adorable) and most of my bosses know. They don't treat me any differently and in fact are really glad that I'm there to explain some things that have been overlooked with my client. She's almost 40 and people haven't really understood her needs until I was able to explain them. I'm usually just teased for being the youngest guy.
Making friends outside of work has been a bit delayed since I only just moved back to the US but I really don't have any problems. They few people I have met don't even ask or think a thing about it. I've been called ma'am by a few people I was introduced to but as soon as I correct them, they just apologize and move on. I live in a weird town that's politically conservative but culturally liberal so most guys just accept me at face value. I haven't been outed much back here in the states but I was outed a few times when I lived in Japan. Even there the guys where a little surprised at first but they didn't treat me any differently.
I do get teased occasionally for my sweater vests, but I'm just one of the guys.
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Are you done with transition and still look feminine?
I wouldn't say I'm done with transition at all. I was on a low does of T for 3 years since I was living overseas. I was off T for a year and now I'm on a regular, healthy dose.
I am feminine, but that's just me. I've always been a fem guy. My partner often jokes that outside the bedroom I am a fairy.
Still, at work I was introduced as female name because I work for the same NPO as my father in law. I've told each person that I'm "male name" and I haven't had a problem. I just correct people and they accept it.
I just get teased for being a "sweater vest wearing dork". I am that so I honestly can't argue. I do wear sweater vests and I am a huge goofus.
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All my close friends are females and I used to be intimidated and scared of cismen for some reason, not sure why. I guess it's because my brother isn't the greatest person and he's the boy I grew around the most. I do like my father though. I haven't had any problem with cismen, I somehow am passing despite being pre-T so I'm basically a little scrawny 5'3 boy with a high pitched voice and somehow I'm still respected and treated the same as all the other guys by the 6 foot + buff guys who I used to be so afraid of. That's something that really surprised me. I also have a few guy friends who do know and they don't really think anything of it, some have thought it was 'cool' and asked a little too personal questions but they didn't mean it in a negative way.
Quote from: Moneyless on March 19, 2016, 03:27:20 AM
All my close friends are females and I used to be intimidated and scared of cismen for some reason, not sure why. I guess it's because my brother isn't the greatest person and he's the boy I grew around the most. I do like my father though. I haven't had any problem with cismen, I somehow am passing despite being pre-T so I'm basically a little scrawny 5'3 boy with a high pitched voice and somehow I'm still respected and treated the same as all the other guys by the 6 foot + buff guys who I used to be so afraid of. That's something that really surprised me. I also have a few guy friends who do know and they don't really think anything of it, some have thought it was 'cool' and asked a little too personal questions but they didn't mean it in a negative way.
That's great. I'm sure that the younger generations are getting more and more accepting as time goes on and awareness spreads.