One of the things that got me diagnosed with a personality disorder as a child was what would now be called gender dysphoria and I'm still not diagnosed with that. Throughout my life I have had phases where I wore boys/mens clothes and then got abused for it. I was little and delicate and some other boy in the 5th grade said "You wouldn't make a very good boy". Once I absent mindedly tried to follow guys into the boys restroom and they excluded me. I was in the third grade and felt sad to have no male friends. So I was cross dressing last summer and my family refused to call me by my male name. I don't believe they'll accept me as he/him or Ansel until I have been on T awhile. They aren't transphobic or intolerant they just are busy and can't imagine how important and necessary my GRS will be. I don't know how soon I'll be able to afford to start GRS.
I love those military style shirts with the epaulettes and the pockets.
I started crossdressing when I was 45, I'm 54 now and pretty sure I'm genderfluid. But I won't be nailed down to it!
Hugs, Devlyn
I started around age 15 - I'm 50 now. My wardrobe became steadily more feminized in my 20s
16yrs old,the moment I dressed in a dress I was hooked for I finally felt like me.
I have wanted to since early 20's, but it's only in the last 2 years that I have been able to come out and I will be 50 this year.
Around 8 or 9. However, it was not public.
I have purchased and "purged" parts of wardrobes ever since. Only now am I starting to go in public.
Joanna
I started discovering feminine things when I was 4 or 5 (hosiery). As I got into grade school and was a latch key kid in 3rd and 4th grade I started finding my way into moms skirts, shoes etc. I remember rushing home from school so I had time to play dress up. I'm 43 now so it's been a while ;) As a CD I live comfortably in both worlds... I'm comfortable being male with a side of feminine.
I have a MTF nephew and though we use the male pronouns for him he doesn't always act like a guy. It makes it tough to always see him as a guy; we struggle and make an effort though. My hope is that when he gets on testosterone that, that will start change and we can all REALLY see him as the guy he knows he is. I try to point out the discrepancies I see in a non judgmental way (not sure he see's it like that though). My point is that speech patterns, gestures, as well as clothing choices communicate male or female (whether we mean to or not). Hopefully your family can come around and talk to you and treat you like a guy if that is who you want to be/are).
I suppose it's been some 35 years (off and on), and rarely in public...and with very mixed feelings. If I may add something to the conversation, I think a lot of the problem--for many of us--is related to the cultural context in which we live, which is frequently judgmental, shaming, and absolutely insistent one "make a choice" and to fit into the more or less well-established categories.
Even today, I am not sure of who (or what) I am, though I seem to have arrived at a more self-accepting "place" today, and MINIMALLY I have come to see that there seems to be an important aspect or part of myself that is feminine in character or flavor (Jung's "anima?"). I suppose if I had to pick a category, I'd select what the "community" calls "gender-fluid," or possibly a kind of psych. hermaphrodite.
I started crossdressing when I was 5 - 6. World go in my mom's closet and wear her pretty dresses and pray to be a girl.
I've been doing it ever since. Sometimes in the closet sometimes out, but it's been part of my life for 30 some years.
-Sara
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I was 11 when I first started crossdressing. I began borrowing my mother`s clothes then eventually progressed to buying my own :)
4
I remember stealing and wearing my first female clothes at about 5ish... I was in year 1 at school around this time. My big brother told me that the family put me in a dress when I was about age 3 though. I don't remember it though so I can't say that it was guided by me...
Quote from: DrTCH on February 29, 2016, 03:10:38 PM
I suppose it's been some 35 years (off and on), and rarely in public...and with very mixed feelings. If I may add something to the conversation, I think a lot of the problem--for many of us--is related to the cultural context in which we live, which is frequently judgmental, shaming, and absolutely insistent one "make a choice" and to fit into the more or less well-established categories.
Even today, I am not sure of who (or what) I am, though I seem to have arrived at a more self-accepting "place" today, and MINIMALLY I have come to see that there seems to be an important aspect or part of myself that is feminine in character or flavor (Jung's "anima?"). I suppose if I had to pick a category, I'd select what the "community" calls "gender-fluid," or possibly a kind of psych. hermaphrodite.
People just give me a look sometimes on the city bus if I have hairy legs and male clothing. I'm pre T and have delicate features so even if I have a military haircut I can't pass for male.
Since I was about 10. Then after I got called sick and crazy and was sent away to military school in lieu of a psychiatrist it got less for a while. There really was no option for me.
Sapere Aude
Quote from: Deborah on March 01, 2016, 03:52:26 AM
Since I was about 10. Then after I got called sick and crazy and was sent away to military school in lieu of a psychiatrist it got less for a while. There really was no option for me.
Sapere Aude
Sorry to hear that. I've been in and out of psychiatric facilities all my life. I also have bi polar disorder which is pretty much under control with medicine. Exercise helps me with my periods of mania.
I love military style clothes and collect military memorabilia, read and watch movies about it, but the military wouldn't take me because I'm way too short for a woman or a man and I have a mental illness. I'm sure after the T and the GRS my quality of life will improve a great deal. I wouldn't have wanted to use weapons anyway. I would have wanted to drive a tank or truck or something.
Quote from: Deborah on March 01, 2016, 03:52:26 AM
Since I was about 10. Then after I got called sick and crazy and was sent away to military school in lieu of a psychiatrist it got less for a while. There really was no option for me.
Sapere Aude
Ouch! That's awful hon, I'm sorry you had to go through that. TG issues were such a mystery and taboo years ago that parents didn't know how to deal with them. The urge to dress was there despite efforts to force us to do otherwise. I kept things well hidden for fear of just such a thing; turns out my mom is now supportive but I'm not sure she would have been that way when I was a kid.
Quote from: Kerry30Den on March 01, 2016, 11:11:05 AM
Ouch! That's awful hon, I'm sorry you had to go through that. TG issues were such a mystery and taboo years ago that parents didn't know how to deal with them. The urge to dress was there despite efforts to force us to do otherwise. I kept things well hidden for fear of just such a thing; turns out my mom is now supportive but I'm not sure she would have been that way when I was a kid.
Well, it didn't work to change me at all. But I did develop a pretty high degree of mental and physical toughness through it all. So, in that respect I guess it was good for me.
In private, it dates far back, but it wasn't really consistent. If you look at the past 6 months, oh yeah, constantly.
~ Winter
Quote from: Deborah on March 01, 2016, 11:52:06 AM
Well, it didn't work to change me at all. But I did develop a pretty high degree of mental and physical toughness through it all. So, in that respect I guess it was good for me.
You're a survivor. You should be proud. The mental health facilities were terrible to be in, but they also made me tougher minded. I didn't have any outlets to exercise though which would have made my mental health much better.
I started about 7. My Mom would dress me in the costumes she made for my sisters dance routines. By 17 I was using every opportunity to "dress up". I was married at 25 and my wife caught me. I was divorced at 28. My present wife found out about my dressing but chose to ignore it. I tried to stop. Really did for about 16 years... Then all of a sudden I have all this time on my hands. What with the depression from illness, loss of a job, I began to think about it again and went out and bought a few items. I now have a pretty full wardrobe complete with butt pads and breastforms. At 6 foot 3 and size 15 feet I doubt that I will pass. But who cares really. As Dawn I have dreams. As Don I only have memories.
Passing isn't what dressing is about for many of us. It's about how we feel and as long as dressing makes you feel good that is all that matters. I don't dress to pass, I dress for me. I'm fortunate that my wife enjoys my dressing with me so in that way I can dress for her too.
It must be nearly two years now. I haven't been dressing up as frequently over the past year (I only get a chance to at gatherings) and I'm not too happy about that.
Quote from: Kimberley Beauregard on March 03, 2016, 09:54:09 AM
It must be nearly two years now. I haven't been dressing up as frequently over the past year (I only get a chance to at gatherings) and I'm not too happy about that.
Aww that's terrible hon! I've had to curb my dressing over they years having a sis in law and later a newphew move in with us. So I know how living situations can hinder your dressing and be super frustrating. Hopefully that can change for you soon and you can express yourself.
Quote from: Kimberley Beauregard on March 03, 2016, 09:54:09 AM
It must be nearly two years now. I haven't been dressing up as frequently over the past year (I only get a chance to at gatherings) and I'm not too happy about that.
You most definitely pass as a woman!
Thank you, Kerry. It's just a matter if getting my own place, but having to leave my job in December has thrown a spanner in the works.
EDIT: and thanks, alienbodybuilder.
5. Started with my moms panties. A really pretty black lace pair I found plundering in her dresser. I was caught and told I couldn't do that. I'm 43 now and I've been doing it my whole life.
I do consider myself genderfluid and I'm positive I have an identity problem. It's deeper than crossdressing for me but being married to someone that is not supportive or tolerating has made it very rough.
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Quote from: KaylaW on March 04, 2016, 12:09:00 AM
5. Started with my moms panties. A really pretty black lace pair I found plundering in her dresser. I was caught and told I couldn't do that. I'm 43 now and I've been doing it my whole life.
I do consider myself genderfluid and I'm positive I have an identity problem. It's deeper than crossdressing for me but being married to someone that is not supportive or tolerating has made it very rough.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Being married to someone who isn't supportive just plain stinks IMO. My ex-wife had issues with all of this and it was a miserable existence. Fortunately my 2nd wife is the complete opposite and its quite refreshing. Hopefully you can find a compromise that allows you to express yourself. Maybe you can use the genderfluid angle to see a therapist and help you and your wife come to terms with all of this in your relationship.
That's a sweet thought but it'll never happen. I have to express myself when I'm alone, those are rare occasions.
I started when I was 13 and did it through my teenage years but now that I'm in my early 30s I want to restart and go deeper.
I started crossdressing when I was a pre-teen. I am now in my 70's, so you could say I have been doing this all my life. For the longest time I only dressed in secret and tried suppressing it many times. About 18 years ago I came out to my wife and since then I have dressed more openly at home. I have gone out dressed only on a few occasions.
Quote from: Kerry30Den on February 29, 2016, 01:32:16 PM
I started discovering feminine things when I was 4 or 5 (hosiery). As I got into grade school and was a latch key kid in 3rd and 4th grade I started finding my way into moms skirts, shoes etc. I remember rushing home from school so I had time to play dress up. I'm 43 now so it's been a while ;) As a CD I live comfortably in both worlds... I'm comfortable being male with a side of feminine.
I have a MTF nephew and though we use the male pronouns for him he doesn't always act like a guy. It makes it tough to always see him as a guy; we struggle and make an effort though. My hope is that when he gets on testosterone that, that will start change and we can all REALLY see him as the guy he knows he is. I try to point out the discrepancies I see in a non judgmental way (not sure he see's it like that though). My point is that speech patterns, gestures, as well as clothing choices communicate male or female (whether we mean to or not). Hopefully your family can come around and talk to you and treat you like a guy if that is who you want to be/are).
Exactly what my family does. They will still call me my female name and "she". I'm hoping that once I look more masculine on T they will start calling me my male name and using male pronouns.
Almost 50 years so that puts me in the category of being "old" haha. One thing I can say though, at least for me, the feeling of being transgendered has never gone away.
Quote from: JulianaH on March 20, 2016, 07:41:35 AM
Almost 50 years so that puts me in the category of being "old" haha. One thing I can say though, at least for me, the feeling of being transgendered has never gone away.
Wow. When did you transition?
I'm living about 75/25 on the fem side, I've never had the desire to fully transition although the lines are really blurred.
started around 12 or so.. wore bras, panties and panty hose under my boy cloths. around 14 I got caught by my sister.. we became bffs and nothing mattered.. my mom found out around 16. after that, it's been easy. worked to buy my own stuff etc. now I'm 30 and out to a bunch of trusted friends. I dress 24/7 and love to shop. I'm still working on public dressing but lil steps..
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Started around 9 or 10 in private.
Came out to my wife at 26 and started going out in public soon after.
Still married and dressing part time in my 50's.
Quote from: Kimberley Beauregard on March 03, 2016, 03:31:44 PM
Thank you, Kerry. It's just a matter if getting my own place, but having to leave my job in December has thrown a spanner in the works.
EDIT: and thanks, alienbodybuilder.
Whether it matters to you or not I'll pray for you. :angel:
Started when I was 17 am now 28 unfortunately my opportunities are few and far between. Despite doing it for so long I've never worked up the courage to buy my own clothes
Moving from "borrowing" someone else's clothes to having my own was a big step. Having things that you choose is a big part of making it all normal. Even if you can't just hang it all in your closet with the rest of your things, they are YOUR things and it means a lot.
Started 5 years old. Immediately caught :embarrassed:
On and off ever since, depending on living situations, who i was involved with, or my state of mind.
More on than off lately :)
Quote from: chris.deee on March 28, 2016, 03:17:07 PM
Moving from "borrowing" someone else's clothes to having my own was a big step. Having things that you choose is a big part of making it all normal. Even if you can't just hang it all in your closet with the rest of your things, they are YOUR things and it means a lot.
I agree it's great to have your own everything. I've never borrowed clothes, and I'm glad.
My mum started dressing me up when I was about 7 so almost 40 years now.
Still love the thrill and feeling of slipping into a cute, gurly dress and heels.
Age 10-26: dressed in private
Age 26-30: dressed in public after coming out to my wife
Age 30-49: hiatus due to raising kids and building career (hey, I was busy :-)
Age 49-53 (present): dresses in public
That's 25 years. My GD was pretty low but non-zero during my hiatus.
How long? I discovered my fascination with girls cloths and underwear about the summer of 1972. (I was 13 at the time.) Moms stuff was ghastly at that time.*
But I certainly was aware of what the girls my age were wearing. I still find the simple soft cup bra and colorful panties to be the most fascinating. I have almost exclusively underdressed since 1975 when I first wore a pair of panties to night school under my jeans one night. What a thrill that was!
So, my gosh! 42 YEARS. . . And interestingly no wife or girlfriend has had any significant problem with my wearing lingerie. . .
* Mother knew that I had a fascination for lingerie from about 73 or so when she discovered my hiding place and confronted me about it. She never really said anything later, although she did ask why I didn't just try her things. .
Hum. . Ever seen how a 38B fits on a scrawny 14 year old kid? I was comfortably wearing a 32 B and a 34A at that time. . . To say her lingerie hung on me like a bad suit was an understatement. . Not to mention she had lacy stuff and all the girls were wearing smooth tricot bras. . They felt So much better to the touch!
To nail down an absolute number of years is difficult. I am in my early 60's now and love wearing women's clothes because wearing women's clothes feels right, fits my body, and it feels normal for the Donna within to be out in public in women's clothes. I probably started by trying on some of my Mother's clothes in my early teens when my male classmates were doing Little League baseball and constantly talking about football. The jock stuff never suited me. My mother's clothes didn't fit me at all, so I started to try my sister's clothes, but she was then and is now nowhere close to my size. I probably started buying my own women's clothes in my late teens and early twenties.
I have been wearing women's clothes at least part time for maybe 50 years. Lately I go on motorcycle tours wearing only women's clothes. I go surfing wearing a women's wet suit.
Women's clothes just match the person inside more than men's clothes.
I used to be mistaken for female for decades; and that caused despair. Despair that signals revival?
Last year, a temp employer gave me a uniformed shirt. With it on, I told her it was a woman's. Her response was "So? Wear it; it is the last one we have." I know every one here has more affirming stories. Her outing signalled a change. Cute shirt - cleavage revealing - wish I still had it. I think she could have gotten in trouble/ caused trouble. But I am grateful to her for pointing out the obvious. This year I started buying.
I started when I was around 8 or 9. I put on some of my mom's panties and I was hooked. I had some of her things stashed away in the barn. I would go play but actually was dressing up in her lingerie. Really did not start to have my own things until I was an adult. But now if I am home I am cross dressed. I wish I could pass in public but I really can't.
I started at age 11. I would wear my mothers and sisters clothes. Almost stopped in high school then picked up in college and been doing it since. Came out to my wife and she accepts it and supports me. Been dressing for almost 50 years.
Really I guess it was since I was 9 years old. Hard to think back that far since I'm 60! I would get my mother's and sister's bras and panties out of the laundry hamper. It wasn't always underwear though. I also liked fuzzy sweaters. Have always dressed. There would be times I would try to stop and throw away the clothes I had bought. Then a week or two later I would buy new. Now I always have something on. Panties and a woman's silky tank top during the day under my clothes and lingerie and panties at night. My wife is very supportive. Dressing isn't enough and I feel the need to be more of a woman. Starting the transition process.
I remember volunteering to play the part of Romona the Pest in the school play in second grade. There are still photos of me in my skirt in my parents' photo albums ... I'm sure they thought it was cute and funny at the time. Little did they know what was going on in my head!
When I was young, people who didn't know me would mistake me for a girl all the time. I started dressing in public behind my parents backs at about 11 years old. A typical outfit for the mall or hanging out at the park was a halter-top, short shorts and girl's sandals.
I was under a lot of pressure to be he-man macho and started to question my sanity when I was in my teens. I did my first purge when I was 16. After that I did the whole purchase and purge cycle over and over again until just this year.
I'm 56 now and feel it's high time I got on with it and accepted myself as I am. I dress full time when I'm at home. I'm out in different ways to different people and go between androgynous and full fem when I go out. I still present as male at work.
Probably from day One. I was born into an all female household (Mom, Sis, Auntie, and 2 girl cousins) and money was tight. I mostly wore hand downs from the older girls until high school. Sometimes I still do, we love to raid each others closets!
Since I was a small boy.
I loved to put on my mum's bras & her lipstick.
What really hooked me was when my best friend caught me in a bra and makeup, undid my shirt, slipped down my bra strap and latched onto my nipple. I was in heaven. I didn't want him to ever release!
I have since progressed to panties, suspender belts, sheer stockings, heels, plunge bras, see through blouses etc., but my real love is my bras, boobs, nipples and being suckled.
I pump regularly and I now need to wear a bra full time. I am using a dual electric breast pump as I post.
I love to dress up in full lacy underwear, sheer top and makeup, then to pump myself hard. Sometimes I have been lucky enough to have a companion to satisfy my needs, but getting my breasts suckled seems to be difficult. Women are more accommodating than men.
If only I could lactate.
Does anybody else share my breast suckling fetish?
Off and on since I was ten, so twenty-three years give or take a few months. I've only ever felt like myself while "dressed".
Quote from: Geeker on July 30, 2016, 08:52:18 PM
Off and on since I was ten, so twenty-three years give or take a few months. I've only ever felt like myself while "dressed".
Welcome to Susan's. Do you identify as male,female or non binary?
I've identified as female since around age ten, but over the years have learned how to act male. My father, when I was younger, thought it was both sad and hilarious that I had to be taught how to spit like a boy by a woman and in retrospect it kind of is.
I have been cross dressing since I was 12 or 13.
I guess the first time i can recall i was about 7-8, we used to have a cupboard under the stairs for clothes that wanted ironing and clothes that where not used much, i used to go in there and dress up
Alice x
I started at age 6, but I had help. :) The two sisters who babysat me when Mom and Dad both had to be at work (rotating shifts) liked to dress me in their old things and apply makeup. I enjoyed it, until their mom saw me, and for some reason I wasn't allowed over any more.
My therapist has explained to me that when I wear clothing that matches my gender identity, I am not cross-dressing. Head explodes So, when I present as male (AMAB) is when I'm cross-dressing, so I started at a very early age. ;)
The first time I tried on girl's clothing I was about 6-7 yrs old. Something inside me said "try me." All it took was that first time and somehow I knew that I liked girl's clothes. Went from my sister's to mom's and then girlfriend's. Afterwords my dressing just seemed to keep growing. Today I dress under at all times and fully dress as often as is possible. My wardrobe has grown to the point where I can go from really formal to just sitting around casual.
Quote from: christinefornow on August 16, 2016, 11:48:02 AM
The first time I tried on girl's clothing I was about 6-7 yrs old. Something inside me said "try me." All it took was that first time and somehow I knew that I liked girl's clothes. Went from my sister's to mom's and then girlfriend's. Afterwords my dressing just seemed to keep growing. Today I dress under at all times and fully dress as often as is possible. My wardrobe has grown to the point where I can go from really formal to just sitting around casual.
I am interrupting again to welcome Christine to the site.
Thanks for sharing your story. It sounds so familiar for many of us.
I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) |
Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.
With warmth,
Joanna
5th grade.. I wore girl jeans to school. That went very, VERY badly... /ow
At age 6 or 7 I began questioning if I should have been born a girl. My hair grew long and people often mistook me for a girl, even into my 20s. Before my teen years, clothing didn't seem to matter, but it became important at around age 14. It started with wearing things of my sister's friend, who lived with my sister, mother and I. The friend was my size and used to joke that we could "share" each other's jeans. :) Wearing women's clothing and underwear just continued from there.... I'm now a young 50.
I started wearing panties occasionally when I was a teen, I stopped for quite a while and started again about 5 years ago, I told my wife and she was more than ok with it, in fact she has bought quite a few things and has gotten me quite a nice little wardrobe.