Hey, everyone. Happy to say that I'm still feeling less confused about everything, but still somewhat discouraged. A new development has arisen that I had not even considered till now, but I think it might make sense. I was hoping to get your opinion on it if you are free. :)
So yeah, I've been on HRT for 3 months, and while I am loving some effects, others leave me puzzled. I find I am (I think?) articulating myself better, and I am more calm overall. I used to have moments of adrenaline rushes, which I sort of enjoyed, but now it is more balanced. I also enjoy that my sex drive has changed from that of visual stimulation, to tactile, and theoretical stimulation. I'm also enjoying the physical effects so far. But what had me so worried lately was that I was still getting this deep level of dysphoria, and depersonalization. I wondered how I could be feeling weird in female clothes, and presenting as female if this is supposed to be right. I also feel I'm overall more mellow, and tired, and sweating more, which I hate somewhat. Maybe that will go away?
But something occurred to me recently that I hadn't thought of. About a year ago, I started on zoloft, an anti-depressant I was put on for situational depression, and to alleviate my OCD. Zoloft decreases libido, which I found left me tired a lot more, but it also cleared my head in some ways, and I actually consider the head clearing to be a major reason why I was finally able to concentrate and realize I needed to transition. However, after starting hormones, it was like the two were conflicting with each other, which my doctor said would not happen. But between both libido-decreasing supplements, I found myself so drained of energy. Zoloft was also making me so mellow that I felt like a zombie. I worried my transition was wrong, but I also wondered if zoloft could have been causing it. So I asked my doctor to help me wean off of it, and I started three weeks ago. According to just about everyone I hear on the internet who stops it, they say that it can cause dizziness, fatigue, nausea, confusion, and depersonalization. Could that be why I've felt so crummy and confused? I also have vertigo. It seems to make a lot of sense. I still worry it's cause I could be realizing hormones are not for me, which would devastate me, but maybe it's the withdrawal effects of zoloft. My sex drive is also bouncing back, and I can sort of feel my OCD returning, which sucks. But maybe I should just keep going till the withdrawal is completely out of my system? I hope it can give me answers. I'm still pretty scared. :/
I used to be in mental health and many of my clients tried to wean off of their meds with a lot less reason than you. Go for it. Get all the way off then have your therapist and psychiatrist reevaluate you and promise yourself that you will listen to them. Your mental state is changing and a fresh reevaluation is certainly in order. Just promise that if they put you back on that or another med you'll strongly consider it, huh?
Quote from: Dee Marshall on March 06, 2016, 04:29:46 AM
I used to be in mental health and many of my clients tried to wean off of their meds with a lot less reason than you. Go for it. Get all the way off then have your therapist and psychiatrist reevaluate you and promise yourself that you will listen to them. Your mental state is changing and a fresh reevaluation is certainly in order. Just promise that if they put you back on that or another med you'll strongly consider it, huh?
Yeah, I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow, and I already feel different. More of my drive and libido is back. However, in some says I also feel more jumbled up. Maybe it hasn't worn off yet? I found I was more productive than ever since starting HRT. I hope to God it wasn't just zoloft all along.
I know that HRT had a profound positive effect upon my own mental state. Things that I personally think might have warranted my being placed on medications quickly evaporated a few months into HRT. That's why I suggested what I did.
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