I met this very nice woman at an AA meeting. She is quite homely to say the least but she said she likes to be around me because she enjoys men "drooling" over me and the attention she gets being with me. She invited me to go a meeting tonight and we walked several blocks downtown, while I got the usual attention, (she asked me "Wow, is it like this all the time?") Yeah, pretty much, down here anyway (in the L) But then I noticed guys giving her really dirty looks, she was oblivious to this, thank God. Then, she was standing right at the corner lighting a cigarette and some guy riding shotgun while the turned right in front of her made this horrible noise like he was vomiting at the mere site of her. She also didn't notice this.
Anyway, just in that short walk, she got more guff than I can ever remember getting when I was a "man in a dress." I was thinking to myself, I don't know how lucky I am to be what I am. I can't imagine that I could live with that kind of harassment day to day. And I never realized that that kind of stuff (harassment of homely women) even took place.
Homely is a nice term, but yes harassment towards women who do not conform to a certain standard of beauty is pretty offensive and it does get pretty bad.
I have never really got much crap pre-hrt when I was out and about. I never had to go through that stage. But DC is very different from other places.
Homely women do suffer a lot of crap. In this society, a woman's looks matter far more than her brains and accomplishments. It's sad, really.
Hi, Melissa,
Apparently your friend was totally oblivious to the rudeness of some people's children, or she knew it and grew a thick hide over it. I couldn't be like that, never could, never will.
She is another person, with feelings and the capacity to hurt. I can't cause that hurt.
It was nice of you to take her with you.
Peace.
Wing Walker
For a minute I didn't understand the thread.......in the U.K 'Homely' means someone that stays at home and is a proud housewife. We call homeless people here 'homeless'. Homeless people here don't usually get abuse but there are people who pretent to be homeless just to earn extra money begging on the streets......you can usually tell the difference between the sincere one's and the fakes...
Quote from: Berliegh on October 15, 2007, 03:24:25 AM
For a minute I didn't understand the thread.......in the U.K 'Homely' means someone that stays at home and is a proud housewife. We call homeless people here 'homeless'. Homeless people here don't usually get abuse but there are people who pretent to be homeless just to earn extra money begging on the streets......you can usually tell the difference between the sincere one's and the fakes...
By 'homely', Melissa means unattractive. In the US, it's a nice way of saying someone's not easy on the eyes.
No sympathy from me here as it's usually the really ugly women who give me the most grief. Cannot help it if I look better than some. Deal and move on, why tear down others?
And yes, I do enjoy the attention I do get and do what I can to maintain my title of `Tease'. ;D
Quote from: LostInTime on October 15, 2007, 07:27:31 AM
No sympathy from me here as it's usually the really ugly women who give me the most grief. Cannot help it if I look better than some. Deal and move on, why tear down others?
And yes, I do enjoy the attention I do get and do what I can to maintain my title of `Tease'. ;D
And what could possibly be wrong with trying to look your best?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
nada. I try to look good when I go out. That in and of itself attracts attention. This weekend the mini and boots will too.
Quote from: LostInTime on October 15, 2007, 10:41:27 AM
nada. I try to look good when I go out. That in and of itself attracts attention. This weekend the mini and boots will too.
For me it's corset and
boobs. I am still flabbergasted at my hourglass figure in myu corset with my DDs and I always had "legs to die for." I was going to mention that the attention gets annoying at times but, then, I realize that I could dress down if I wanted to so I must love it! :)
I forgot to mention the meeting. It was my first time there, really nice group, mostly gay men, I did a "share" (talking about how we fight our addiction) and I was "on" last night. I used to do stand-up comedy when I was in early transition, I had a killer monologue just talking about my transition. (Too bad the monologue I had worked so hard to perfect no longer has any relevance.) Anyway, I got several laughs in my three minute ad-lib speech and I wasn't even trying to be funny. Afterwards, the secretary asked me if I would come back as a featured speaker. You have to be an AA to appreciate this as I barely have six months clean. This is quite an honor.
I am just starting to realize how my life has gotten so much better in the last six months, getting sober, achieving an outward appearance that I never dreamed I have. (SRS and BA combined with working out five-seven times a week, I even love the appearance of my vagina) Ok, enough narcissism....but really it's nice to be pleased with one's appearance instead of looking in the mirror and looking in the mirror and seeing an attractive woman. I used to always feel "less than" now I am starting to feel "more than" which is not good, I just have to work on letting go of focusing on self, which I think is hard for us as transitioning is all about changing the outward appearance and gettting the world to view us as female, which in this culture, means "pretty." To me it is anyway and I make no apologies for that especially being in a field (sales) in which appearance is very important.
Posted on: October 15, 2007, 11:37:31 AM
Quote from: LostInTime on October 15, 2007, 07:27:31 AM
No sympathy from me here as it's usually the really ugly women who give me the most grief.
I used to get a lot of grief earlier on when I was less "passable" but even then very attractive. And I get the same guff from women who are not outwardly attractive (To me calling a woman ugly is sexist and IMO everyone is beautiful, must be the Buddhist study) in my support groups where I am out as trans. In fact, my drug counselor at the program I am in pointed out the same thing. She said (and I always suspected this) that it really galls some women (especially addicts in early recovery) when they see a woman who was "born a man" who is way more attractive than they are. When I am down, I remind myself that that I am, without a doubt, far more attractive than most women my age. That is not egotistical or boastful as many women just let themselves go after 50. If I were 30 and looked like this but younger I might just a little better than average.
I had almost forgotten that my friend came up to me after a meeting in which I talked about my trans issues and said, "Wow, I can't believe it, you look better than I do" I thought well, 99% of the females on earth look better than you do! :) Apparently, she still has a hard time accepting that I am trans, she was talking about how she could only think of another transwoman in the group as a man. Then later she asked me if I had periods! I said no remember I don't have a reproductive system? "Oh yeah," she says, "But are you sure you weren't a 'hermaphrodite?" LOL
Quote from: melissa90299 on October 15, 2007, 11:58:06 AM
For me it's corset and boobs. I am still flabbergasted at my hourglass figure in myu corset with my DDs and I always had "legs to die for." I was going to mention that the attention gets annoying at times but, then, I realize that I could dress down if I wanted to so I must love it! :)
The corset is a given with the crowd I run with and my choice of poison is one that can be used for suspension made by...drum roll please.... Stormy Leather. It compresses everything, even the chest but hormones have been {Accent}very, very good to me{/accent} and so there is plenty left over for the guys and gals to stare at.
I am about 6' tall and like to wear at least a bit of heel so even dressed down I attract attention. However, this weekend is all about getting the attention of everyone at the club. If only I could afford the platform boots and boot my height up another 6" and pick up the interlocking floggers.....
Quote from: Amy T. on October 15, 2007, 12:00:48 AMBut DC is very different from other places.
In what way? I haven't been traveling much lately, and almost all my experience has been in DC.
I've briefly visited Atlanta and Chicago as a trans woman, and I've been met with acceptance in those places too, much like at home.
Posted on: October 19, 2007, 08:41:59 AM
Quote from: melissa90299 on October 15, 2007, 11:58:06 AMit really galls some women (especially addicts in early recovery) when they see a woman who was "born a man" who is way more attractive than they are.
I've run up against this at times. I lost one friend when I came out. She is fat and unattractive. I always loved her for herself and did not discriminate based on looks. But she has deep-seated issues. When I began to openly celebrate my femininity and beauty, she became very offended. It reminded her of school days when the femme girls used to persecute her and she's still seething with bitter resentment against all femmes, against the entire phenomenon of femininity. So when I came out as femme she hated me. In her eyes I must have looked like a traitor who had gone and joined the enemy.
Many women have these issues--it has made my relationships with other women more difficult at times. But I feel I have a right to celebrate my femininity because it works for me. Julia Serano's writing has helped me a lot to understand the misogyny behind the attacks on feminine trans women. At the same time, my femininity has opened many doors to bonding with other women, so ultimately it's been for the best.
I need to read that book! Whipping Girl.
I'm probably the most vain creature in the world, so, trans or not, if I knew I was ugly, I'd do something about it.
After all, I'm called a "knockout" when I dress up now, and I've barely got two months of light HRT under my belt (not even on the andro-blocker yet) - and I still want to get FFS as soon as possible? Why?
Because even though it's "sad" that a woman's appearance is such a huge factor in her success in society, it's also reality. It's a reality I'm perfectly willing to accept, because damn it, I like looking good. So I guess it all works out for everyone involved.
Not to mention, being tall, attractive, intelligent, educated, talented, sharp and a maybe little frosty all at once as a woman is so intimidating for men, it's hilarious. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Maybe your friend should consider cosmetic surgery? I personally don't think there's any shame in it if you need it, especially as a natural born woman.
~ BB
Quote from: Blair on October 19, 2007, 01:06:46 PM
Maybe your friend should consider cosmetic surgery? I personally don't think there's any shame in it if you need it...
Hmmm, I'm not sure any women "needs" it? There's no crime in not being pretty ;)
Otherwise... I need a good lawyer, lol.
I can't imagine anyone being so mean as to make vomiting noises from a car at a total stranger minding her own business? I've NEVER seen anything like that happen. Geez. That's just so cruel.
~Kate~
And remember this is "tolerant" San Francisco. This woman can barely afford to pay her rent much less cosmetic surgery.
Men, or anyone reacting this way to a person who appears less than a level at what they consider attractive is judgmental, bigoted, sexist, and just plain nasty. The real unattractiveness resides inside a person's heart and mind. People can't help they way they look, only to a certain extent. If somebody judges me on how I look, they just might miss out on something better than my looks!