Now, this has been bothering me for a while, but I'm only writing about it now. I guess I wanted to come up with a solution myself before having to resort to asking someone. There's this guy I know, and when I came out to him, he asked to touch my chest. Well, not really asked, more like demanded. "Why are you girls who want to be boys always so sensitive about that? Guys don't mind having people touch their chest. Which means that if you're a guy you'll let me do it." Those were his (almost) exact words. I know I'll probably be told to avoid people like this, but now what if they can't be avoided? His and my group of friends overlap, and I won't be saying goodbye to all of those friends any time soon. Not to mention I've been trying to come up with something good to say at him (and any people I might meet in the future like him) to shut him up and make himself think about what he's just done. I almost straight out punched him, but since my punches have no strength, and I'm 155cm tall and the average (male) height here is around 180, that would not have been a good idea. Does anyone have anything good that would shut up even a transphobic person like that?
You could tell him that you don't want to be a boy, that you are one, and that you don't have to prove anything to him. In all honesty though, I would still say avoid, avoid talking to him even if you're in a group with him, definitely avoid being alone with him. If you feel like it would help talk to your other friends about it in case they can offer you support.
Tell him to keep his hands to himself and that you don't have to prove anything to him. Be careful though, some cis guys have very few boundaries or restraints when it comes to harassment and being jerks.
Quote from: Kanzaki on March 19, 2016, 04:47:09 PM
Now, this has been bothering me for a while, but I'm only writing about it now. I guess I wanted to come up with a solution myself before having to resort to asking someone. There's this guy I know, and when I came out to him, he asked to touch my chest. Well, not really asked, more like demanded. "Why are you girls who want to be boys always so sensitive about that? Guys don't mind having people touch their chest. Which means that if you're a guy you'll let me do it." Those were his (almost) exact words. I know I'll probably be told to avoid people like this, but now what if they can't be avoided? His and my group of friends overlap, and I won't be saying goodbye to all of those friends any time soon. Not to mention I've been trying to come up with something good to say at him (and any people I might meet in the future like him) to shut him up and make himself think about what he's just done. I almost straight out punched him, but since my punches have no strength, and I'm 155cm tall and the average (male) height here is around 180, that would not have been a good idea. Does anyone have anything good that would shut up even a transphobic person like that?
I would remind him of how weird it is to go around trying to touch dudes' chests. I would tell him the answer has nothing to do with my gender but more do to with having a creepy perv trying to touch me.
Quote from: Peep on March 19, 2016, 05:01:20 PM
I would still say avoid, avoid talking to him even if you're in a group with him, definitely avoid being alone with him.
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 19, 2016, 05:04:48 PM
Be careful though, some cis guys have very few boundaries or restraints when it comes to harassment and being jerks.
Thank you for your replies. I avoid him in general and would definitely not agree to be alone with him in the first place. He's the kind of person who indeed has next to no restraints or boundaries and I've seen him frequently harassing and groping people. He's even done it to me before I came out. That being said, he did have some consequences for that, but evidently he doesn't learn.
Just FYI, men can press sexual harassment charges against other men for touching their chests without permission. You might want to remind him of that. Sure, some guys might not care if you touch their chests, but you sure as heck wouldn't do it to someone you don't know because it is still a more intimate area than an arm--and even touching the ARM of someone you don't know can be considered assault if you do it while angry. You can get a ticket for that (in the USA). That is simply a ridiculous request, and the guy is a moron.
That guy needs a long lesson about respecting other people's personal space.
I've never heard that allowing someone to touch your chest being a way to evaluate if you're a man or not. Gimme a fricking break.
to be honest a lot of young cis guys i know are pretty homophobic and wouldn't be desperate to touch another guy's nipple
it's pretty sad but it does work in our favour
I agree that this guy should be avoided. I understand that this is not really possible. Some people are creepy jerks. In no way are guys just allowed to touch other guys chests for no reason. This is a broad generalization based on the concept (flawed, I might add) that a a man touching another man's chest is not sexual and therefore no big deal. However, there are plenty of people who don't cared to be touched in almost any capacity. He is basically demanding to violate your personal space to "prove" something that doesn't need proven. Next time tell him to piss off. You don't need people who lack basic respect for others in your life.