So... I am a guy, XY biologically....
... and up until very recently, I have been "straight" as far as I can tell in belief and attraction....
Then something happened...
I have been having these very vivid and recurring and sometimes lucid dream...
and in the dream....
... I - am - a - girl....
the dreams are all pretty much similar plot line.
I am in this mansion, or outside of it, and there is this guy who is either my lover or my husband in the dream.
...Words cannot express how long and vivid and lucid these dreams are...
In the dream, I know or can remember that I am a guy. But being a girl and trying to explain to my boyfriend that I can't do this because I am really a guy makes for some interesting conversation (this could be a movie plot line, honestly).
I see and feel through the eyes and body of a girl. Body parts, sensations I cannot describe as a man, I feel in this dream....
Long story short, I have had at least 7 dreams of this so intense, it either bothers me now in real life, or I find myself having to hide my eyes from other guys bodies in the men's Ymca locker room. It's that intense.
I am conflicted because I view myself as straight. But it's like I live a second life in my dreams.
Very confusing.
My regular friends may think I am crazy so I decided to post to get this off my chest and ask for any advice or counsel.
I can go into details of this dream if anyone is curious.
Any advice?
You have not given us your age or background, so this leaves very little to go on. Dreams are usually a means for the subconscious mind to filter out all the fears, worries and the day's thoughts. That said, a recurring dream can signify a more significant fear or insecurity.
Absent any other signs from your waking life, I would say that you are not transgender. While I am not going to presume to speak for anyone but myself, I had a conscious desire to be a girl since I was 5 years old. I grew up in the 1970's, not knowing that gender transition was possible. I was told I was a boy and I had to be a boy, so I set about trying to be one and making the best of a bad situation. When I learned transition was possible in the early 1980's I researched it intensively. I put my plans on hold when I learned I would have to travel far and pay for transition myself. So I worked on finishing school and getting a job.
I took another, more in depth look into transitioning when I finished school in 1989. I gave up that time when I learned that being transgender was considered a mental disorder, and that I could lose a professional license I had worked nine years to obtain. I gave up again, got married, and had kids.
I took another try in 1999 after a divorce, and gave up that time after seeing a judge mistreat a transgender girl in court and realizing that if I transitioned, I would probably lose visitation with my kids.
Each time I went into denial and convinced myself I was a guy, but there were always little expressions of femininity, like wearing men's bikini underwear and wearing men's bikinis or speedos for swimming.
If you are transgender, there will likely be more than just dreams, even if you are in deep denial. There will be little things in your waking life working their way to the surface, like whenever you are shopping for men's clothes, that wistful desire to be shopping in the women's section. You will look at sexy young women with envy as well as or instead of lust, wishing you could be them and be wearing what they are wearing. Or you will see a group of young women and wonder what they are talking about and wish that you could be a part of the conversation.
If those dreams are all there is, don't worry about it.
Hi
Welcome to Susan's :) Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.
I wouldn't place too much emphasis on it, dreams are just the weird creative side of our brains messing with us. Could be your subconscious is telling you to look at the world from a different perspective. Gender and sexuality are two different things. If you were a woman and hot for guys you'd be straight, after all.
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Cheers
Grace
I would say the dreams are important in some way.
Point is you say they are lucid, you have detailed memory and you could feel how it was in the other body.
And they are recurring.
Lol first if you are a girl and you like men you are straight.
Next there are biological explanations for both being transgender and being gay. It seems to be kind of hardwired before birth, in various severities. So imo it should simply be accepted. Interactions between people should be about love and not skin colour or whatever. Going against ones real preferences and conforming to outdated expectations leads to unhappiness.
Just saying this meaning ... imo there is nothing to it, nothing to be feared.
Next the dream itself...
if its lucid and you really feel in the other body its kind of a part of you .
What it means is up to you. Kind of a parallel timeline ... or a part of you to explore ...
one aspect of being transgender can be to really have an understanding of both genders.
The differences in emotional setup .. in thinking ... and in expression.
If you really felt what a girl feels welcome to what some transgender people feel.
Its a difference in thinking and feeling.
You could ask yourself a few questions:
how did you feel as a woman, did you like it, would you have it for a longer time ?
You could try some changes to hair and clothing style and try out a few clothes for women ... simple trousers, and sweaters, not much different in style. Mainly the thought of it. There is nothing to it, its just clothes. Listen to what you feel ... if it gives you a feeling of joy.
Would you like to explore this more ? You could look for a supportive gender therapist to help you along.
There are also online therapists, there are threads on that.
More details could help getting a better picture ....
This is one possibility ...
the other is its a dream with symbols...
you can look up the meanings, giving an overview...
mansion is like a fortress a solid home or an unflexible point of view, also feeling the need to be protected
being a woman means the own caring and emotional side
Are you in a situation where you kind of have difficulties showing caring and loving emotions ?
*hugs*
You can be straight, gay, bi, asexual, pansexual, demisexual, etc., all of them are totally fine things to be. None of them have anything to do with being trans or cis however. Your sexuality doesn't even have to be all or nothing, you can be heteroflexible. I like describe my own attractions as being attracted to masculinity, which is bi essentially, but mostly attracted to men and masculine women. It may be impossible to see yourself with men as a man as well.
Cross-sex fantasies and dreams are as normal as dreams about losing your teeth or being unable to find a bathroom. The difference for myself when I had a dream like that the first time many years ago, I cried after I woke up and realized it was only a dream.
Here's an experiment you can try: in front of a mirror looking into your eyes, say out loud "I'm a girl/woman." Wait a bit and try, "I'm a guy/man." Which resonates with you more? How does each make you feel. What are your general feelings toward mirrors and your reflection and body?
All of this may or may not be so simple. No matter what though, know that there's nothing wrong with being trans, just as there's nothing wrong with being cis.
Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I am 27 years old, and I think I have what some may call a baby face.
I am asian.
In my past, I have been tempted with envy at how girls have it easier with guys and suitors if the girl is hot or cute or plays video games or is even a tomboy.
Me as a guy, I have struggled with dating or finding a special other.
I naturally am super friendly as a guy, tenderhearted, and I do talk alot.
I love children, and preparing stuff (I am a prepper as in doomsday scenarios/flint&steel because it is technically a manly way of prepping).
I really am sensitive to how people feel, maybe to a fault.
I can see how my best traits may be complimented by being a different gender (as in female).
I don't know... If I am a girl, and that's a big IF, then I guess I would be very much happier with a guy like that guy in these dreams. But I am a guy biologically... and then there is the question of what really defines sex and gender. is it reproductive success? Is it just a feeling? Is it set in stone? is it just physical genitalia. or all of the above?
Being religious myself, the only way I would be at peace with being a girl, is if God somehow allows me or miraculously changes me into a woman.
In the dreams, I date a guy, marry him, and "do it" (intercourse) with him. I felt things I have never felt before, and Truth be told, it was absolutely amazing to be loved, caressed, and squeezed and desired IF (big IF) I was a woman. around when I woke up, I looked up online and in resources on how a female orgasm feels, and my lucid dreams are spot on accurate!
Seemingly, I don't know whether I should crazily interpret this as a sign from Heaven or not.
as for subconscious fears, I did cross dress for a school project in 6th grade and I was bullied and was called a girl.
Perhaps a key question to consider here is, do you WANT to be a woman? Use the stereotypes to help guide you, too.
E.G.:
Do you want to be with a man?
Do you want to be submissive?
Do you want to be cherished? (As opposed to, say, respected.)
Since this sort of came from nowhere, as you indicated, I'd suggest analyzing your life right now. The above examples are points of reference, using stereotypes, to explore feelings and thoughts.
You might find when you reflect on the past few weeks or months, that you've been stressed out of your mind, and just need some cuddling and affirmation of being valuable. Reassurance that there's something special about you. I.E., you might be lonely, and this is how your subconscious is talking to you. Or maybe you're in charge of a massive project, and don't feel you're ready for it? Might just be you've never done this scope or complexity of project; might be that you always had someone you could count on to back you up, and this time you're flying solo.
One thing to consider, too: How does "straight" apply to the transgendered? Is an MTF straight if they like Men? Or if they like Women? DNA says one thing; sexual role suggests another (but is not necessarily the stereotypical gender role)... And then from the answers there, you'd have to consider, is a Mosaic individual straight, gay, both, neither? (They have multiple DNAs in them, so how to you decide?) Chimeras, too. Hermaphrodites.
And then, after you think that all through... Does it really matter any more...? I'm male, but Lesbian in outlook. No interest in men so far. Bad childhood in some ways, so maybe I'm not even TG, but just dealing with a dissociative disorder, I despise men and what I learned was masculinity...? While I identified with women, because I spent most of my formative years around women, and liked my Mom a lot more...? (Not making light of this, it would be devastating for someone who IS masculine to take this path, and then find out it makes things even worse...)
I'd say, leave the "straight/Gay/Bi/Lesbian?Asexual/Polysexual/Pansexual/(etc)" out of the equation. You are attracted to...? Someone else will label it. You've decided, or discerned, attraction X. It can change, too, so... Who cares? (OT, there are boards where people have reported using pr0n to reprogram their sexuality. We could argue whether they were in the closet, whether it is real, whatever; we usually search a certain complement, though. So arguing the origin is a moot point, the important part is that you recognize the complement, and trace it to a source, and then you take steps to modify it a little, and see if it "fixes" things, or intensifies the feelings, especially feelings of, "RUN AWAY!!!" or such. I speak from some experience, enjoying the whole sissy/trans sub-genre, but hating that they're so often paired with men and placed in a degrading/ non-loving role. Whereas, playing a loving role, whether with men, women, other T*, that's all good. It's the emotion of the act that makes it worthwhile... A feminine thing. And my preference is for women, personally, or the feminine complement. So... I'm the Top, but want an emotional connection with a feminine Bottom, yet I have a male body and probably male DNA. But you see how we end up racing to define something, and still come to an uncertain conclusion, because the words aren't too precise? And some of the words are verbotten here, too...)
Just some suggestions on how to think it through.
After your thinking, if you want to play around, I'd suggest looking into online assignments, and either follow them or take the gist and experiment. E.G., get yourself a bra and panties and wear them for a weekend, that sort of thing. Shave your body and put on nylons. Etc. Look for a local TG/CD group and do a meet.
And compare it to a weekend spent being as Alpha Alpha Male as you can be, gaming women all weekend, that sort of thing. Think Lucifer from the TV show. See how you like it. Likely you'll find parts of each that work, and you might find a few playmates, too.
YOLO, so know thyself becomes really important. Trust me, you won't be on your deathbed saying, "I wish I'd worked more at the office." ;-)
-Dianna
Here are a few hints that could help you:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,188309.msg1674885.html#msg1674885
There is a biological explanation to being transgender, to do with development before birth.
There are diferences in brains of womena and men so a mismatch is possible.
There are even substances known to cause a higehr rate of transgender people.
So its nobodys fault and how people really feel.
The usual remedy is to adapt the body to how people feel.
You might look for a gender therapist to help you sort this out.
There are even online therapists.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,187135.0.html
There is nothing wrong with being transgender.
People are more and more accepting, and there are more and more resources, online and offline.
*hugs*