How has trans changed you, your life? Spiritually, physically, mentally?
Relationships, job, love life?
It touches everything doesnt it?
Its not just gender or finding yourself.
Its a complete overhaul of the foundation of you.
It can make you bitter, or beautiful. It can kill you or set you free to live.
It is the biggest thing that can happen to you, finding yourself, perhaps transitioning.
How did trans touch your life dear ones?
Satin Joy
The good:
I'm myself now. All interactions with the social world seem so much more natural.
I have the body I've always wanted.
Estrogen feels wonderful. It's better than I imagined it could be (and I imagined quite a lot!)
I'm an activist now. I spend a lot of my time helping trans people who are less far along than I am and airing the issues that affect us as a community.
The bad:
I lost my marriage. I'm trying to date, and no one has shown the slightest romantic interest in me.
As a woman, in a lot of social situations I am invisible. It's frustrating.
I also feel transition has allowed the real ME to appear ,my life is so much better now . I am able to live and act freely and openly at all times .Things are not perfect but then when is anything LOL . I would love my Wife to come fully round to embracing my transition but I am so grateful for the fact that she is trying so Much .Work wise things could not be better .I love being able to go shopping for all the pretty things that I can wear as a Woman . I am so fortunate that I pass very well and never get hassled when out . In fact the only Fly in the Ointment is the fact that My wife still insists on introducing Me to People as her Husband and she is still trying to steer my clothing to be more androgynous whilst I am a girly girl LOL
*
Though I transitioned during the 1970s and did two operations in the 1980s, my past is as much a part of my present as it will be my future.
My immediate and extended family accepted me only when I presented my self to them as a lie though they knew the truth at least as long as I. Once I presented my truth to them, they abandoned me and rejected me. So much for family.
There can be days, weeks, months, even years that pass when I had barely a thought about my circumstance. Then there are times when my situation is an all-consuming obsession in a one-track mind that must make people around me think that I am of only one dimension. How can I find, develop, make, and hold friendships when I present to others my obsession that hinders me?
Many of us - I am in this group - ponder that we shall never find romance. We seem stuck among people we know who reject us and among prospective partners who tell us they would have nothing to do with us because of our status. I know of no one beyond my transsexual support groups who would have me as a partner.
Two different employers fired me specifically because of my situation. The first time was 1983 (by the USDA Forest Service); I fought that for two years until I resigned in 1985 and received vindication through Unemployment Insurance. The second time was 2008 (by the State of Arizona); I fought that for two years, won my case, the agency still refused to restore me to duty as directed, and I realised that I was better not returning to that job anyway. Yet I read of many accounts here at Susan's and elsewhere of people experiencing much acceptance at their workplace.
People use their religion to tell me that their god 'does not make mistakes', yet those same people call me a 'mistake'. If there is a god, that god made me exactly who I am. Scripture of the culture in which I was raised tells me that god declared all creation was made in 'his' image and that all creation is 'good'; thus, I am in the image of my god and my god tells me that I am good.
My physical anatomy is forever neither male nor female. I did not have functioning male anatomy despite my birth room doctor's declaration; no matter if I stayed 'male', I could never have experienced 'male' sexuality. Yet my physical limitations also effect my status as female; despite having a female anatomy that was resolved to the extent contemporary medical science could prevail, I can not bear children.
I know that I always have held my self-identity as female for as far as I have memory (to age three); yet no matter that I began transition at age 18, lived part-time as female for a few years, and have been living fully female more than 30 years, there seems to be the slightest minute sliver of mind that wants to impose its doubts when I look at my self in the mirror. AGH!
Yes, I am 'bitter' for all my losses. Yet after living a life of 'stealth' for 30-some years, I find myself teetering on the verge of freedom by learning to be open when the situation permits itself.
*
Not being the sex that corresponds with my gender made me reticent in my teenage years, causes me to overcompensate, helped forge a desire to covertly express myself through music and writing, and even now prevents me from fully understanding myself. Even though I can be confessional on this forum, I'm normally calm, in control and hopefully witty, and I reward myself when I successfully act that way, but I have a feminine reservoir that I may be just skimming the surface of.
To end on a more positive note, it is interesting.
Seeing the results of my transition so far gives me an inner sense of calm. I feel more secure within myself which then allows me to assert myself more than I used to. This whole transition has been more than just fixing my body, it has also been about being more open with my feelings and desires. I used to hide being attracted to guys but I am now openly proud of me being attracted to them.
Strictly speaking, I have been trans all my life. The same aspects of my nature that have convinced me to transition were active as far back as I can remember (age 6?), it's just that nobody called it "being trans," they called it "not trying" or "being immature" or "being disobedient" (if they were adults), or "being a queer" (if they were kids.)
Seeing myself as trans (which I've only done for the past 2 1/2 years) has helped me make sense of a lot of things in my life and my self, and it's how I've given myself permission to do and be a lot of things I'd always wanted but never admitted to myself I'd wanted. It was a necessary step on the road I started on 12 years ago: to stop trying to be what I thought other people wanted me to be and instead to find out who I really am under all that garbage.
I don't feel admitting I'm trans or going down the road I'm on (which includes transition but is a lot more) is costing me much of anything. Partly it's that I'm very lucky that most of the problems trans people run into won't affect me, but partly it's that a lot of the stuff most trans people report losing I've lost already just for being me.
(Edit:)
Love life: before I saw myself as trans, there was no way I would have considered sex with a man. Now I can conceive of it (but only after SRS), even if I have a hard time imagining that there might exist men who I would feel safe enough with to consider physical intimacy. That's probably because men interact rather differently with other men than they do with women.
FWIW, my therapist told me that the term for my sexuality is "demisexual."
Job: they don't know yet. The company has policies for employees who transition, but I don't know what they are. They're big enough that they probably don't want to get into legal trouble for discriminating against TG people (one good thing about NYC.) I think most of my immediate co-workers are non-bigots. However, I'm dreading the day I'm transitioned at work and thus have to use the ladies' room and run into one of my female co-workers. "Awkward" doesn't begin to cover it.
Dear ones: ex-wife doesn't seem to care. Non-transitioning son is anxious about the changes, but doesn't feel he has a right to have feelings about them.
Feelings about myself: I feel like I'm a house undergoing gut reconstruction while I'm still living in it. It's, ah -- unsettling. It is sucking up several hours per day of my attention. A lot of stuff is not getting done because of that. I'd say that the "inner transition" is an order of magnitude harder than the external (medical) one. I can't say anything about the social transition, since I can't tell where it leaves off and the inner transition begins.
In my day to day life, it really hasn't changed anything. I'm still closeted to my parents, but otherwise, It hasn't changed my relationships either.
As far as my spirituality goes, It's been rough, trying to find the line between this and my Christianity. I've come to the conclusion that in order to honor God, I have to honor the body he gave me. Which means I can't transition. I'm okay with this, but I still sometimes want HRT. I'm still trying to work out the smaller things like can I use male or gender neutral pronouns? Is it okay to say that my gender is male and nonbinary if I still live as if I were female?
But actually, I feel pretty accomplished. I applied for a job that's TG friendly, but when asking my gender, there wasn't an other option. It was frustrating trying to decide what to do, but finally, I chose male. If I get interviewed and if I get the job, maybe I can explain my gender to them and they'll put up a prefer not to answer option.
Quote from: Satinjoy on March 30, 2016, 05:17:20 AM
How has trans changed you, your life? Spiritually, physically, mentally?
Relationships, job, love life?
It touches everything doesnt it?
Its not just gender or finding yourself.
Its a complete overhaul of the foundation of you.
It can make you bitter, or beautiful. It can kill you or set you free to live.
It is the biggest thing that can happen to you, finding yourself, perhaps transitioning.
How did trans touch your life dear ones?
Satin Joy
It didn't effect me in a way i would have ever expected that's for sure
i am pre T and still figuring everything out but so far its given me some struggles and some
lessons on life and the way i think about the world. One being if i don't live as me then i'll not be happy, i wanted to live for others in the sense of make them happy but sometimes you can't. It made me focused on helping myself and being a little self centered but in a good way.
Most people seem to have answered this from the point of view of dealing with one's trans-ness rather than just being trans. For me, the main thing about being trans (and non-binary) is that it has made it more possible for me to look beyond gender-typical interests and career options. That has been useful, although also challenging at times.
The main problem with being trans is that by the time I figured it out ('it' being the existence of cis people :) ) I'd already ended up in a straight marriage with another woman. So far we've managed, though.
I never commented, only queried, and I should say something now that the thread is cold.
Oh has it ever changed my life.
I have to guard against bitterness, I have to be careful about what I here on the news, as it can easily trigger unhealthy rage. It made me sensitive to others needs, and gave me a family in the trans community once I accepted who I am.
It caused so much pain, and so much soul searching. Transition was pure agony, i did not understand nonbinary transition, and the inside of me fought for control and dominance. The result was mind breaking dysphoria, and interventions from the nonbinary community. There were and still are well meaning folk that do not understand the nonbinary truth that unintentionally trigger dysphoria, now in my latter years, since I know myself as sh'e, it no longer is something I fear.
It caused deep resentments to grow, and exposed terrible abuse of me in my early years. It was futile to fight being trans. But I had never understood that not all who pursue a total body transition need to transition to full time in society. Once I learned I could transition fully as a no op trans female, but not transition socially except in selective environments, and once I found that this was not only not painful but was the path of ease for me, as I live the blended life, it all fell into place.
I found the core concept early, shared it here, it remains essential to my nonbinary peace. For i know who i am in my core, and it gives me joy to understand and finally to own who i am.
Now the task at hand is to eliminate the bitterness that being born trans has caused, it is not that I was born trans, but that others hated me for being trans even when nobody knew that was what i was. There are 50 years of forgiveness to work through, and much to understand about what drives me, what my real motives are. They are difficult to understand, motives are as veiled as gender, self deception is alway with me, the hardest of the things to overcome.
Being trans has lit a fire inside me to help others understand and come to love the special genders with which they were born. That is the greatest driving force within. To reach those who have self hate installed by others, to take their hand, and show them the beauty that they are inside. To show you that you are truly diamonds, some uncut and unpolished, but diamonds nonetheless, and you will find your way to the light, and you will shine like the sun.
For you are trans, worthy of esteem, beautiful in who you are, strong and courageous, wild and free.
Satinjoy
How has it changed me?
I am no longer a fake, phony or ashamed of myself. I no longer hide in closets ashamed of discovery. My confidence is higher than ever along with my esteem and sense of self. It has made me go from death to life. It has even given me someone special to share my life with. It is life, not a death sentence.
I enjoyed reading all the responses here. I would say being transgender and not realizing I was, made my life very painful at times. Realizing I was transgender saved me. I now am a whole person. I really am starting to develop pride in what I am. I never thought that would be possible. Wow!
Moni
Quote from: Satinjoy on April 07, 2016, 05:31:14 PM
It caused so much pain, and so much soul searching. Transition was pure agony, i did not understand nonbinary transition, and the inside of me fought for control and dominance.
The need for "control and dominance" -- the cause of so much misery all around.
Quote from: Satinjoy on April 07, 2016, 05:31:14 PM
Once I learned I could transition fully as a no op trans female, but not transition socially except in selective environments, and once I found that this was not only not painful but was the path of ease for me, as I live the blended life, it all fell into place.
Well, that would be
very painful to me.
What I need is to be
me everywhere, in all environments. Having to be one person in one environment and a different one in another would kill me. (It almost did.) I've come out in some environments but not in others, and it's very painful having to keep silent about my transitioning in the environments I'm not yet out in.
For a while, I participated in a crossdressing forum, but I left because most people there were into being 110% girly girl when they "dressed" and 110% manly man the rest of the time. Too Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde for me.
(In case anyone's wondering, my presentation is still nowhere near where it needs to be for me to feel comfortable calling myself <new name> in some environments, but being "out" seems to be necessary for me to transition
internally enough to get that presentation where I want it to be. Chicken & egg. So I'm coming out in the environments I hope will be most supportive even if I don't pass at all, and using whatever sense of validation I get from that to get more comfortable with asking to be treated as female. I hope to have it resolved by the end of 2016.)
It's a roller coaster of emotions for me right now ranging from bliss to crying. But it has changed me in a way that I think is for the better. I used to be the play it safe person. I did dangerous activities, but I would do my best to never rock the boat. I always played the mediator, never taking sides. But now I have a cause to get behind and I have viewpoints I never thought I would have. Those views are starting to affect the people that remain in my life because they want me to be me, but they don't want their friends to know about me. I feel like the world needs to know we're here and not going anywhere. Me wanting to be open about it all is setting them on edge. I sometimes wonder if walking away from everybody I knew was actually the right thing to do.
Quote from: Sharon Anne McC on March 30, 2016, 06:32:27 AM
*
My immediate and extended family accepted me
only when I presented my self to them as a lie
though they knew the truth at least as long as I
Once I presented my truth to them
they abandoned me
and rejected me
So much for family
*
This touched me, you have a beautiful way with words. Would you mind if used parts of this in a song?
I have acknowledged I was trans since I was 11. I got thoroughly verbally abused for it by my parents when I was 13.
The result was that an idea was incorporated into my mind that I had to do the hardest things possible and succeed at them even if that meant trying more than once. So that's pretty much been the story of my life ever since. I guess the positive is that it has made me relatively successful across a broad spectrum of things.
Sapere Aude
I'm very new to being trans (or, I am new to the knowledge that I am trans), I only started coming to terms with not being my assigned gender within the past couple of years. It has made me understand a lot of things from earlier in my life. One that sticks out in my mind is a memory, during puberty, where I was sat on the bathroom floor, trying to understand what was happening to my chest. I had no idea what being trans even meant at that age, so I just shrugged it off. But in reality I think it was some early sign of dysphoria. Later on, closer to realising I was not a girl, I had small hang ups about my chest. If I noticed my shirt clinging around the shape of my chest, I tried to pull the shirt in such a way that it would hide it. I enjoyed wrapping a blanket around my whole body, obscuring everything (not just for the warmth, either). Most notably perhaps, I began to feel uncomfortable in the bath, if the water didn't fully cover my chest. Being so early on in my journey, I don't have anything very profound to say here. But the main thing that changed for me was that I gained this understanding of small things from my past, and they finally began to make sense.
The other main thing that has changed is that I have noticed how binary and gendered everything is. I'm non binary, and seeing so many things referred to as 'for men' or 'for women' makes me sigh at best, and makes me dysphoric at worst. Seeing customers at my job decide they can't buy a certain art product for their son because it's 'too girly', makes me roll my eyes. Seeing certain products that are a necessity to me (and many other trans people) referred to as 'feminine care' makes me very dysphoric. Society is very binary, and realising that I am not binary, has made me more aware of this and how harmful it can be.
Sorry that got a bit rambly!