Hey
I've been really struggling recently and feel like life is quite pointless.
I'm finding it really hard to find self acceptance and feel like an alien to myself, people and society a lot of the time. Something I really struggle with is being so tall (i'm 6ft 4)...I feel I really stand out and am too scared to start medically transitioning because i'm afraid for my well being and if i'll be continually clocked by other people. I have a lot of shame about who I am. I'm a trans woman pre HRT who has socially transitioned in my friendship circles and to my 'family' but I don't keep contact anymore with them.
Becoming who I am seems impossible and an impossible mountain to climb and I don't feel I'll ever get over this powerful self loathing/self hate that incessantly there.
I have a lot of fear as well about being attacked when out and about and want to protect myself (Experienced street harassment numerous times).
Has anyone got any advice to try and help with the shame/pain i'm feeling? And how to try and move forward one step at a time. If anyone has any good books they'd recommend that would be cool. (I've read whipping girl by Julia Serano).
I'm not going to change and this is who I am so I either try and move forward and accept what I can't change or just die. (I have no strong regard for my life atm..I've always felt dead inside and that there's something missing or wrong).
Thanks
I'm scared of putting myself out there like this, it's scary. I hope people are kind. I feel pathetic right now. I am very vulnerable atm.
Sending hugs your way <3
I can relate in a way that I'm on the shorter side for a man, what helps me is knowing that there are men of all sizes in this world.
There are countless women who are 6ft 4 and taller. I grew up an athlete and I always felt like a dwarf working out with the women's basketball and volleyball teams. I think there is something so powerful about tall women specifically.
Sorry if this seems lame but check out these fabulous 6ft 4 women:
https://www.google.com/search?q=natalie+achonwa&espv=2&biw=1372&bih=643&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjB8YPGhZHMAhWjnYMKHZ4eBH4Q_AUIBigB
https://www.google.com/search?q=stefanie+dolson&espv=2&biw=1372&bih=643&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjTp8T-hZHMAhWDuIMKHSPMBs4Q_AUIBigB
We've all have had that feeling of shame at one time or another. It's something you work through and then when you come out and transition your the shame goes away for most of us. Many of us embrace our trans selves and are proud to be our true self.
As far as being tall, when I started transitioning at age 43 (Fall 2013) I was 6'7" and was really worried about my height. I started HRT in December 2013 and then went full time 3½ months later in March 2014 and never looked back. My height did shrink to 6'5¼" after more than a year on HRT but even at 6'7" my height never clocked me. I haven't been mis-gendered since Spring 2014 and I was delightfully surprised that my transition went so smoothly especially at my age and height. I do get noticed, just at any 6'5" red head cis woman would but that's all. It does take a while to get used to the attention, but I don't even think about it any more. I stand tall (even with 3" heels sometimes) and use my height to my advantage.
Nearly every female hates something about the way she looks. It's a nearly universal condition of womanhood.
Welcome to the sisterhood, girl. Self non-acceptances comes with the territory.
@freebrady2015 Thank you that was helpful. x
@Sydney_NYC Thank you for sharing. x
@suzifrommd Yeah :(
Thank you everyone for being lovely x
I am a little short thing compared to you at 6'2" but for several years I wore 3 inch heels and never had an issue with my height in 33 years. Don't slouch and be proud of your height. As long as people see you are comfortable with your appearance they will never question it.
I'm 6'3" and had the same concerns to you prior to transition, both my first attempt and this time. I couldn't move past those worries first time even though, in retrospect, nobody really seemed to care whenever I was out in public as "Julie". Those worries contributed to my transition implosion. This time I decided that I would just need to work with what I had. I wanted to transition and there was nothing I could do about it anyway. Turns out I attract pretty much zero attention for my height. I can't say for sure, but height seems to be one of the least likely traits that will out you as trans. It's obviously still a factor but I think most of us tall ladies over think it.
Something I never considered before transition is that people below a certain height treat everyone taller than them as just "taller" they don't seem to really care if you are an inch or two or five over "the average".
One thing that does help if you are tall is to try and slim up as much as possible; at a guess, tall and slender gets noticed less than tall and bulky.
Women come in all shapes and sizes. How about this 6'11" tall girl:
http://leaderpost.com/sports/local-sports/6-foot-11-miranda-weber-keeps-striving-to-reach-new-heights
Just be yourself and enjoy life, there is nothing more important than this.
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Quote from: JessicaSondelli on April 15, 2016, 08:50:36 PM
Women come in all shapes and sizes. How about this 6'11" tall girl:
http://leaderpost.com/sports/local-sports/6-foot-11-miranda-weber-keeps-striving-to-reach-new-heights
Just be yourself and enjoy life, there is nothing more important than this.
Agree, thanks for posting this... I would feel like a real shrimp next to her!
I was 6'4" and it put me off transition for 10 years. There are many tall & taller women about now, especially Dutch & Scandinavian. Big girls are beautiful
OK, I'm jealous.
I'm a mere 5'7"
I wish I was tall, I would be able to wear mini skirts, high heels and have legs the went for ever.
I may also be able to reach the shelf in the store where they always place what I want to buy.
Ah but Suzi just said it:
"Nearly every female hates something about the way she looks. It's a nearly universal condition of womanhood.
Welcome to the sisterhood, girl. Self non-acceptances comes with the territory."
A spent a good 40, arguably almost 50 years, living in shame and guilt. I have spent the better part of my healing process these past 7 years trying to shed it all. It isn't easy. It goes in spurts. The major baggage takes a reasonable time to heft but a BIG chunk does go.
I am also (or was) 6ft tall. Back in the 1970's when I had no doubt I was trans and wanted to be a woman, I experimented with it. Well, back then a 6ft guy stood out and women... well they mostly ran 5'4" to maybe 5'6" for the vast majority. I also had a TON of self-esteem issues. It did not take much to derail that experiment. As well as the one that came along a few years later after the "Getting married will cure me" experiment.
Thanks to the shame and the guilt ruling my life, I never could shake that "Some guy in a dress" feeling. Though I thought I knew about everything about GD and grew up in the shadows of NYC it took many years later to learn that I was totally ill-prepared to face my demons.
Seeking out a TG support group when my life went into the toilet, Once Again, some 7 years ago helped. Luckily, as it's members told me, this group is quite unique in how it works. There was also a special angel or two there for me when I especially needed them. Slowly my life started to change for the better.
I eventually started to see a T-friendly therapist (this was rural western Maryland at the time) to help shed the lifetime of baggage, the Shame, and the Guilt. THE Absolute last thing on my agenda was transitioning. Been there, tried it twice. Not for me. I was still 6ft, still about bald, still had a deep male voice, and those feet and hands :( If it wasn't going to work when I was young, sure aint going to work now. Besides I have a wife of some 30 years.
A funny thing happened along the road to get healthy. I started transitioning. I started to change how I felt about myself. How I saw the world, Especially how I felt being out in the real world as the real me. I even achieved my life long dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman. No laughs, no stares, no giggles from the teenagers or worse at the mall.
Thanks for all sharing lovelies. xx
@JoanneB Yeah I feel I should try and start HRT soon again. (tried once before but became overwhelmed). I should be having a GIC appointment soonish so that will be a start. Will be helpful to talk to a professionsal. Thanks for sharing x