I came out as trans mid august of last year. My mom was a little hesitant at first, but seemed to be taking to it slowly. My dad however, did not. He made it abundantly clear from the beginning that he did not respect me, or believe that I was trans and stated that he needed an official diagnosis from a medical professional in order to believe that i was, indeed a by. Around this time he decided that I had repressed self loathing and that I was really just a girl who hated herself. My mom came up with the theory that I had autism (solid conclusion, i know). jump ahead a few months and i'm meeting with a gender therapist, who explicitly tells my father that yes. i am transgender, and do not have a self loathing issue. That's medical professional number 1. My dad, having lost his own theory latches onto my mother's, decided that no no of course his 'precious little girl' wasn't trans, just autistic. I go to a few different therapists all of them agreeing that I was indeed trans and a boy. (enter medical professionals 2 and 3). I recently underwent testing to resolve the autism vs trans issue that's been the subject of debate in my household recently and the administrator is very sure that I am actually trans. She's written up her report and is going to tell my parents her conclusion this coming friday which is 2 days from now. Even though I know who I am, I'm absolutely petrified that her report is going to support my mother's theory, proving my dad right, and giving him yet another reason to disregard who I am. I'm so tired of being disrespected, deadnamed, misgendered, and called shameful and a burden. I knew coming out that I'd lose my dad in the process but when he still has control over my life and medical decisions, it's harder than I'd ever imagined.
Here are a few resources that might help:
http://www.acceptingdad.com/2013/08/05/to-the-unicorns-dad/
This is a letter from an accepting dad. So its from the view of a parent.
Parts of it might be shown.
Some parents have the same restraints, like he talks about: did they cause it by an upbringing...etc...
here is a brochure by a reputable source... the british national health serive...
stating being trans has biological connections...
so its nobodys fault... not an upbringing or whatever...
http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/DOH-Assets/pdf/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf
the NHS brochure explicitly states for trans people, their families and healthcare staff...
Basically parents want their children to be happy.
You might tell you will together with your gender therapist step by step find out what will make you happy.
Its a step by step process, starting wth easy reversible steps.
All the time its evaluated how you feel before you proceed.
So no rash decisions are made but it moves along as fast as you feel comfortable.
*hugs*
I've been where you've been. I came out to my dad a year ago (I live with him) and he said some really hurtful things (had to explain to him how misgendering makes me feel). I made an appointment to see a gender therapist soon after; but me and my dad didn't talk about it at all. He probably was in denial; thinking that I wasn't going to actually transition and that i had mental issues. Then when I finally got the go ahead for T he again said some hurtful crap. Now a year after coming out I'm almost 6 months on T and my dad now doesn't deadname me (at least in front of me and we still don't talk about me being trans). I never thought I'd be where I am today after years if self loathing and depression. In a year your life will be so much better :).
Btw a therapist's job isn't to diagnose you as trans; only you can know that. It's to assess to see if you've thought through wanting to take T and that you have consistently showed you're unhappy with your birth gender which could point to you being trans. I was nervous too that I wouldn't be 'diagnosed' as trans. Turns out I was worrying for no reason.
PS I was watching this today and it really put things into perspective https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yxBsIrPvu0w
You say you are worried that your mother's theory will be validated... Do you have any symptoms of being on the autism spectrum? As a special educator trust me when I say that a lot of people just looooove to self-diagnose their children as autistic in some way, but that does NOT make it true. If they pulled this theory out of their butts, you have little to worry about. Despite what media makes it seem, being on the autism spectrum is statistically rare. Think of it this way: I taught at schools with thousands of students, of which only 10-15 would be autistic. And even if you are diagnosed as on the autism spectrum, which seems unlikely considering your age--usually this can be diagnosed earlier--some trans people ARE autistic. They are not mutually exclusive and gender dysphoria is NOT a symptom of autism. So being confused about your gender and being autistic are not related. I would try and make sure your parents understand this. Autistic people are NOT "confused little girls who think they are boys" like your parents seem to think. They are people with a disorder that effects cognitive and social functions. But most of them are well aware of their gender and have no problem with it. If they do have gender issues then they are a trans autistic person, not a confused autistic person.
Autism for trans would be pretty lol-worthy except there is a long history of attributing weird gender things to autism with no scientific basis.
I am trans and autistic, and the leader of my local trans support group is non-binary and autistic.
Honestly, I hope autism stops being the flavor of the month soon.
Autism in children is usually pretty apparent, even to a therapist who isn't a subject matter expert. The testing is truly for distinguishing between similar conditions and, now that insurance is involved, to make insurance co's happy. For example ADHD and autism can present similarly. Or someone with autism may have multiple issues such as Tourette's, mental retardation, etcet.
So unless you have a reason to believe you have autism, you probably don't have autism. And if you do have autism, that has nothing to do with your gender identity.
Quote from: Jacsta on April 20, 2016, 03:29:46 AM
I came out as trans mid august of last year. My mom was a little hesitant at first, but seemed to be taking to it slowly. My dad however, did not. He made it abundantly clear from the beginning that he did not respect me, or believe that I was trans and stated that he needed an official diagnosis from a medical professional in order to believe that i was, indeed a by. Around this time he decided that I had repressed self loathing and that I was really just a girl who hated herself. My mom came up with the theory that I had autism (solid conclusion, i know). jump ahead a few months and i'm meeting with a gender therapist, who explicitly tells my father that yes. i am transgender, and do not have a self loathing issue. That's medical professional number 1. My dad, having lost his own theory latches onto my mother's, decided that no no of course his 'precious little girl' wasn't trans, just autistic. I go to a few different therapists all of them agreeing that I was indeed trans and a boy. (enter medical professionals 2 and 3). I recently underwent testing to resolve the autism vs trans issue that's been the subject of debate in my household recently and the administrator is very sure that I am actually trans. She's written up her report and is going to tell my parents her conclusion this coming friday which is 2 days from now. Even though I know who I am, I'm absolutely petrified that her report is going to support my mother's theory, proving my dad right, and giving him yet another reason to disregard who I am. I'm so tired of being disrespected, deadnamed, misgendered, and called shameful and a burden. I knew coming out that I'd lose my dad in the process but when he still has control over my life and medical decisions, it's harder than I'd ever imagined.
Jacsta
You are in a tough spot. I am so sorry. Do you mind me asking if you are under 18? Not that, that invalidates your issues of concerns. It is just that there is a youth section of this site where you might find some peer support from people closer to your own age.
I can't help but think that unless something unusual happens, this report should support you. I could be mistaken but health workers(mental or biological) tend to have their client's best interest at heart.
I also wanted to welcome you as a new member posting. We typically pass along some links that include information for new members as well as the rules of the site. If you have not had a chance to read them, please take a moment to do so:
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) |
Once again, welcome to Susan's. I hope things go smoothly for you this Friday.
With warmth,
Joanna