Hey,
Below is a post from my secret group on FB that I created for people to follow my trip to Thailand for GRS.. It was a wonderful experience and I promised to be raw and open.. and hold nothing back.. Well that is what I did..
A lot of emotional stuff in that blog.
Anyway, after getting home I have suffered post op depression.. it hits me like a ton of bricks.. and knocks me on my butt and I keep getting back up.. I have nothing to complain about.. Life is good. Anyway, I just let my fingers go and hope that it helps someone else ... so hope the post below does.
BTW after listening to Rascal Flatts - I'm Movin' On that song inspired some of my thoughts below. If you have not listened to it please do, its beautiful.. you could google it now before you read this or after.
Keri
Keri Elizabeth Brinlee
April 13 at 2:22pm
Well the time has come for another post.
And I must say I wrote this and thought.. push delete.. and well decided as in the past to be raw, show real emotions, unafraid. Its wonderful to be able to express feelings now.. Something in the past I did not do so well.
I hope in some way this makes you feel alive today. To realize we all have a future. And our future is now.
That final post I said I would do......well this isn't it.
However, I am moving on.
In reality there is only one way to go from here in life.. we can't go back and change the past and if we live in the past we don't live today.
I have had this problem all my life of being so damn sentimental. I had a beautiful life even with the issue I hid for so long and to give that up, well its heart wrenching.
Sandi and I have cried buckets of tears. This morning we discussed that the only thing to do is to make it count.
To make life count we have to do what we always did for 32 years. Support each other forever even though our relationship has changed.
I told her, I am there for you to death do us part no matter who you are with or what you are doing. There is nothing Sandi can do to change my love for her.
And its obvious, there is nothing I can do to change her love for me. You see, I did the unthinkable, I erased my old persona and let myself become who I have always been inside. How she survived it I will never know.
I just know that pure love never dies. And she will mean more to me than anyone on earth to the day I die.
We split not because of lack of love.
So, I'm Moving on. I am moving on but will carry every special memory of my life with me as a badge of honor.
I will honor my daughter, my son and Sandi with love and be understanding of the things they do not understand.
I will move on, but I will never just be Keri.. I will be a combination of Doug and be proud that he got me this far.
You see, even before I changed, my sentimental attitude had me taking snapshots of my days with my family through my entire life.. I would take a moment and try to register forever special events like a picture memory. I have thousands of those.
Could be the kids getting married, could be a sunset, could just be seeing my family having fun enjoying life..
Teaching my son to ride his bike for the first time, seeing Elissa compete in Cheer or walking her down the isle and crying at her wedding.
How can I move on with all of that in the past?
I move on to create new memories with them in a different way. I have almost 7 Grand Kids I need to be spending more time with. I have Sandi as a wonderful partner in my business.
I can teach her everything I know and then some and let her spread her wings and be confident and secure in life.
I can watch her grow.
Then I can be proud again that I did the best I could for them when I breath my last breath.
I need a purpose in life. I will find it or it will find me.
I am free to express myself openly now.. I am not afraid, I am confident, I am secure.
So I am moving on but taking everything with me.. I am not leaving anything behind. I will honor the past and be honorable in the future.
So, I'm Movin On.