A friend of mine was dragged to a community event by her boss to help as alcohol and ticket purveyor for what was to be a comedy show last Friday. My boyfriend and I didn't have plans for the evening, so we decided to take her invitation, especially because I love comedy. Things seemed great, I was in a really good mood with good wine and a wonderful man by my side. And then the "comedy" began.
The billing and description of the event stated that comedy was the focus, nay the raison d'être of the performers that night. So I was a little surprised when it opened with two acoustic songs; Daydream Believer and King of the Road. The guy was really good, and I love that first song. Then the improv started, as unexpected as it was bizarre. "Brought to [us] by the reflex that makes [us] go; woah! [as they began ducking dramatically]"
Then a few jokes slip through, most bad, a couple genuinely funny, several that I'm pretty sure were extremely racist although I didn't understand why people laughed at them so I don't know. And apparently one joke that went right over my head about him using a public bathroom or something, and mocking trans people.
Most of it was not funny, and boring. Throughout the first hour of it I steadily get more perplexed, my boyfriend suggested that we leave after receiving a texted offer to refund our money with an apology from our friend who was suffering with us. I didn't want to be rude, and I had a glass full of wine so I figured I'd endure and hang out/ help her get out of there quicker after. I can be exceptionally patient...
Then, finally, Michael Meehan, one of three brothers performing that night, starts his stand up routine as I'm nursing my third small plastic cup of pretty good Cabernet. To the best of my recollection, it went something like this:
"I live on the other side of the tunnel in [San Francisco] and, you know, we have so many ->-bleeped-<-s out there, there's a Victoria's Secret Big & Tall store... blah blah blah..." [cue tenuous laughter]
I turned to my boyfriend, said "I'm done." Downed the last two sips of wine, went over to the trash can, chucked the cup, and left the building.
He may insult the comedy gods and everyone's intelligence, but when he insulted me, I had indirectly paid him to do so. I knew there was no point staying, because I'd never find him entertaining after that. I was upset, it caught me off guard, especially because of my deeply ingrained body issues as well as his cavalier attitude. It wasn't even a funny transphobic joke, not that I can think of one. I found out later that not only were we not the first people to walk out, but that Michael went on to say a bunch of misogynist bs as well. So I left at a good time :/
My boyfriend came through for me in a big way. He left with me, hugged me, and calmed me down, at least until I wasn't on the verge of angry tears. Our friend felt horrible and refunded the tickets I bought despite her boss' objections. Her boss apparently thought my skin was too thin if I was offended by a little joke. Instead of caving, my friend went to bat for me and didn't back down. We met for a small dinner, some drinks, some cake and I took care of the check. And then I proceeded to get drunk in a pointless and failed attempt to forget. Sigh....
Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I'd have left long before, theyr'e wankers
What happened to good old comedy!
You know the comedy where jokes were made that were about our or someone's experiences and not at the expense of other people.
It must be so very, very hard for such "comedy" dinosaurs... the pool of people they believe they can take cheap shots at for a derogatory laugh is drying up fairly quickly, leaving them exposed as the unintelligent and unfunny bigots they really are. The poor darlings! ;)
Quote from: Ms Grace on April 26, 2016, 02:24:43 AM
It must be so very, very hard for such "comedy" dinosaurs... the pool of people they believe they can take cheap shots at for a derogatory laugh is drying up fairly quickly, leaving them exposed as the unintelligent and unfunny bigots they really are. The poor darlings! ;)
Yeahhhh, the sadder part is that there are tons of comedy venues in the Bay Area and they could only be booked in the suburbs. Not that the Bay Area is a bastion of trans appreciation like it can be for the larger queer community. If my boyfriend and I had been going to some random show we'd have left way earlier.
Quote from: dazedAndConfused01 on April 26, 2016, 02:12:39 AM
What happened to good old comedy!
You know the comedy where jokes were made that were about our or someone's experiences and not at the expense of other people.
My boyfriend said it particularly well, but I'll have to paraphrase:
Jokes lose their humor when you're punching down. There can be humor there when you're punching up, or when you're self deprecating. Pointing at someone from a place of privilege and laughing at them because they're different can at best be mean-spirited.
I think it bothered me more because it seemed like he wanted us to agree with him more than laugh. It was like he figured the entire audience was cis, and didn't know or care about any trans people.
Comedy is an Art. It needs timing, topicality, presentation and understanding.
Bigotry raises laughs from bigots because it fuels their delusional thoughts and hatred - it becomes a gang acceptance to hate/laugh at a minority who cannot harm them, who cannot retaliate.
These people are not comedians, they are rabble rousers.
Yes there is a thought that comedy is laughing at another persons pain. 'See that person slip on a banana skin'. It has merit as a thesis but what raises long laughs is placing yourself on the banana skin. Your pain and stupidity is on display.
Insulting people is not comedy; no matter who laughs.
Insulting people is the rattle of a fool.
Thank you Kate and thank your boyfriend for realising this and being decent human beings. You are welcome at my house at any time for dinner and a lot of laughs. I think I, and my friends, would enjoy your company.
Cindy
Quote from: Cindy on April 26, 2016, 06:53:11 AM
Comedy is an Art. It needs timing, topicality, presentation and understanding.
Bigotry raises laughs from bigots because it fuels their delusional thoughts and hatred - it becomes a gang acceptance to hate/laugh at a minority who cannot harm them, who cannot retaliate.
These people are not comedians, they are rabble rousers.
Yes there is a thought that comedy is laughing at another persons pain. 'See that person slip on a banana skin'. It has merit as a thesis but what raises long laughs is placing yourself on the banana skin. Your pain and stupidity is on display.
Insulting people is not comedy; no matter who laughs.
Insulting people is the rattle of a fool.
Thank you Kate and thank your boyfriend for realising this and being decent human beings. You are welcome at my house at any time for dinner and a lot of laughs. I think I, and my friends, would enjoy your company.
Cindy
I appreciate that a lot. And I totally agree, schadenfreude isn't my thing, probably because I've been through enough pain in my life that I rarely find it funny. I enjoy irony, comeuppances and the like, but even when Antonin Scalia died for example, I didn't find the jokes about it funny. I did think it's hilarious that the kink community adopted Scalia as a universal safe-word however.
Thank you for the invitation as well. Once I have my bottom surgery dates set and my new apartment figured out, my boyfriend and I should be free to travel a bit, and if we're going to be in your area I'll let you know. We may end up going to New Orleans in a month or so, he's between jobs atm so we're waiting for that and my surgery consult three weeks from now.
Besides, if Trump gets elected I may need to find a new country to live in and I haven't been to Australia before :)
Really sorry you went through that. I can't believe what jerks some people are, just to get a mediocre laugh.
Ugh how I despise cis white men doing this type of "comedy". It seems like trans people are still free reign when it comes to all sorts of ridicule. >:(
It brings to mind the rape joke controversy that was started by Tosh O.
In my opinion something ceases to be comedy when it insults and hurts others. What is the value of such jokes in our society? Let's make all those with privilege laugh at those in a less powerful position.
Sorry your night sucked so bad.
I used to got to comedy clubs in Los Angeles during the late 80s and early 90s, and I had the opportunity to see some really funny people before they became superstars. I remember seeing Andrew Dice Clay (I'm not a fan) at the Comedy Store, and several people walked out during his performance, because he was so offensive.
Quote from: Obfuskatie on April 26, 2016, 01:14:03 AM
My boyfriend came through for me in a big way. He left with me, hugged me, and calmed me down, at least until I wasn't on the verge of angry tears. Our friend felt horrible and refunded the tickets I bought despite her boss' objections. Her boss apparently thought my skin was too thin if I was offended by a little joke. Instead of caving, my friend went to bat for me and didn't back down. We met for a small dinner, some drinks, some cake and I took care of the check. And then I proceeded to get drunk in a pointless and failed attempt to forget. Sigh....
Your points on comedy (or what passes for comedy sometimes) are well taken. Now I suggest that you take a moment and reflect with satisfaction on what a fine boyfriend and friend you have.
I don't know much about live comedy. I notice jokes about trans people just about everywhere at the moment online and off though and it's crept into my consciousness lately. They'll make comedy about anything that's in the media or being talked about at the moment and we are being talked about a lot.
Personally I believe one should be able to laugh at things in the world, there should be nothing above ridicule in a sense (including myself), but yeah, they need to get some new jokes, routines or move onto something else. It's got old. As for the comedians who ride on just being outright insulting and offensive (we have a few of them in the UK) I've seen a few videos of these things and I find it hard to believe anybody finds it funny. I was so bored having to sit through them.
Quote from: freebrady2015 on April 27, 2016, 09:55:30 AM
Ugh how I despise cis white men doing this type of "comedy". It seems like trans people are still free reign when it comes to all sorts of ridicule. >:(
It brings to mind the rape joke controversy that was started by Tosh O.
In my opinion something ceases to be comedy when it insults and hurts others. What is the value of such jokes in our society? Let's make all those with privilege laugh at those in a less powerful position.
Sorry your night sucked so bad.
I wouldn't say the night sucked per se, my boyfriend and friend made my night. I think it's that it stirred up a lot of feelings and sent me into a bit of a self destructive tailspin.
Not every cis white guy is an MRA dbag, there may even be a sort of spectrum there, but they are often blind about their privilege and I've yet to hear a funny rape joke. I grew up enduring homophobic bullying and hearing girls and women accused of being men/boys/dogs because they weren't pretty enough to the accuser. Which just goes to show that homophobia and transphobia are rooted in misogyny and police what is supposedly considered masculine and feminine.
Quote from: kittenpower on April 27, 2016, 12:30:13 PM
I used to got to comedy clubs in Los Angeles during the late 80s and early 90s, and I had the opportunity to see some really funny people before they became superstars. I remember seeing Andrew Dice Clay (I'm not a fan) at the Comedy Store, and several people walked out during his performance, because he was so offensive.
Yeah, I'm not a fan of insult comedy in general and ADC in specific. I grew up watching a lot of comedy and I've never really understood or liked that genre.
Quote from: itsApril on April 27, 2016, 03:01:00 PM
Your points on comedy (or what passes for comedy sometimes) are well taken. Now I suggest that you take a moment and reflect with satisfaction on what a fine boyfriend and friend you have.
I totally agree. There have been more than a few big moments when my BF has surprised me and made me love him all the more. My friend is really awesome as well, and I won't forget her sticking up for me.
Hugs! That sounds awful, and I have no idea how I would react in that kind of situation. I think what bothers me the most is that even if you had had an opportunity to express to these guys how hurtful their "jokes" were, they probably wouldn't take it seriously.
I see some people at times voicing sort of regressive viewpoints on all of this. Not many outside the internet but some none the less. We have all seen it. " This PC stuff is going too far" " Can't anyone take a joke anymore? " " It is sad that we can't even laugh at each other anymore" . It always makes me cringe to hear that stuff because really its about the dominant sector of society not being able to marginalize people with humor.
Those that would favor regression have suddenly seen the the tables turned to where now the joke is about them and they don't like it. To that end, we have to be careful to not swing the pendulum back the other way and make it so the repressed become the repressors.
Its not a political thing, it is just human decency.
I would have so walked out of that performance just as you did.
Sorry that happened to you Kate. Your boyfriend is a gem.
sorry
Quote from: RobynD on April 27, 2016, 07:28:29 PM
I see some people at times voicing sort of regressive viewpoints on all of this. Not many outside the internet but some none the less. We have all seen it. " This PC stuff is going too far" " Can't anyone take a joke anymore? " " It is sad that we can't even laugh at each other anymore" . It always makes me cringe to hear that stuff because really its about the dominant sector of society not being able to marginalize people with humor.
It really grinds my gears when people use the term "politically correct". What they really are saying is that they are upset about the fact that they can no longer easily get away with being sexist/racist/just a general (not Allowed). Unfortunately I work with a bunch of republicans who use this term all the time "everything is so politically correct these days". They also have been talking about what a great place NC would be to live in :o .. can't wait to come out to them >:-)
Mod Edit- No profanity please. TOS 11
"Welcome to North Carolina, a wildlife park specializing in bigots. For your own safety, stay in your car with your windows rolled up until you leave the park. Visitor assumes all risk!"
Reminds me a little of visiting an animal park in Florida with my family and Sweetie's brother's family. Our niece innocently asked, "mom, why does that elephant have five legs?" My brother in law called it humbling.
Sorry, I couldn't help myself.
QuoteNot every cis white guy is an MRA dbag,
More like not every MRA is a cis white guy.
Blaire White.
Theryn Meyer.
Shi Nu Asami.
Three transwoman MRAs on youtube I'm subscribed to.
Not every MRA is a jerk, although there are enough to tarnish the name. Same with feminism I suppose. There are some bad apples in every cart.
The sad reality is any T person is fair game for anyone to poke sticks at. Only another "One of those" will dare to defend or otherwise stand up to the barbs.
I thought all the fallout, bad jokes, and downright trans-HATRED was bad enough with Caitlyn Jenner. Once again I failed to underestimate the depths sooooooo too many people swim at
Quote from: freebrady2015 on April 28, 2016, 08:20:11 AM
It really grinds my gears when people use the term "politically correct". What they really are saying is that they are upset about the fact that they can no longer easily get away with being sexist/racist/just a general (not Allowed). Unfortunately I work with a bunch of republicans who use this term all the time "everything is so politically correct these days". They also have been talking about what a great place NC would be to live in :o .. can't wait to come out to them >:-)
Mod Edit- No profanity please. TOS 11
Yeah, Being upset about how "PC" people are being is usually just code for not wanting people to call you out on being an a-hole. It's like prefacing a statement with, "no offense but," but without the tact it takes to be abashed for being rude. It's often people whining about not being able to say horrible things. That being said, Politically Incorrect was and awesome show, and I still watch Bill Mahr on occasion. I'd say he's embraced being a jerk enough that he doesn't equivocate or focus on any one group too much, except maybe religious people.
You can call those coworkers out on their bs before you come out to anyone. After they say something phobic, tell them to please not disrespect any already marginalized groups in your presence, essentially to not be a hateful bag of Richards. I really hope NC can fix their broken politics before their entire state and LGBT community suffer more.
Quote from: JMJW on April 28, 2016, 02:23:27 PM
More like not every MRA is a cis white guy.
Blaire White.
Theryn Meyer.
Shi Nu Asami.
Three transwoman MRAs on youtube I'm subscribed to.
Unsubscribe
I mean, if a transwoman wants to join a bunch of people who hate her guts and want to control her as much as every other woman, then they are free to identify as idiots. But I can't imagine anything good coming from listening to their ramblings.
Quote from: JoanneB on April 28, 2016, 08:38:05 PM
The sad reality is any T person is fair game for anyone to poke sticks at. Only another "One of those" will dare to defend or otherwise stand up to the barbs.
I thought all the fallout, bad jokes, and downright trans-HATRED was bad enough with Caitlyn Jenner. Once again I failed to underestimate the depths sooooooo too many people swim at
Maybe Tim Curry was right, and we need to make a Transexualvania haven from the cis world. Then we can just deal with the jerks in our own minority when we visit...