I Have a big problem when it come to women..my long relation was 2 months...i'm not trying to be rude but 90% of women are weird and they don't even know what they want from a man..i've been in so many relations and it always end a bad way...and most of the time when i ask about the reason i hear '' you are too nice ''
do i suppose to kill people to not be too nice!!
i was raised in a family that respect women i'm that kind of guy that never argue with a woman or put my hands on a woman i'm that kind of guy that open the supermarket door for my girl and bring her flowers !! is that wrong ?!! is that make me not a man enough and too nice like most of them said...
my last Ex gf (we broke up before a week) every time we out she try to start a fight with someone so i fight for her its like she enjoying that..before two weeks we were out together and we passed near some guys they were 4 and they started saying things about her and i just told her to ignore it (they were 4) but she turn and said <<not Permitted> yo**> u all and a fight started again and plus on that when we back home she start to blaming me and saying sh**t again and saying i'm not a real man and that she made a mistake when she decide to be with me and when she think that trans man are real man ...also always when she talk she keep telling me about her friend that her bf hit her and how he control her and she said that how men suppose to treat woman also how many times he entered prison and how bad he is and that i suppose to man up and be like him ...i broke my foot in a fight and i always fight when she is with me!! when i dress good she said that's not manly and men not suppose to look that way .. why women think i'm spider man!! do i suppose to be a gangsta to be a man enough i just don't understand!!!
i don't see nothing wrong in how i act and treat them why i always hear that i'm too nice !! what do woman really want!!
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My advice is find a decent woman.
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IMO I think many women subconsciously have misandrist feelings. It's not surprising seeing how boys are taught they shouldn't cry; be the protector for their wife/family and generally be 'strong'. While girls are taught that they should only go out with men who hold these characteristics. This sexism is slowly starting to ebb away with men now allowed to show a bit more of a fem side; but when it comes to dating and finding a long term partner these prejudices are still in the background of men and women's minds.
It may take a long time but you'll eventually be able to find a woman who doesn't have these views; whether subconsciously or consciously. A lot more women now realise a manly man isn't everything and that they don't need to follow what society dictates the kind of man they 'should' look for. Don't give up :)
being too nice can be a problem. women don't want someone who will just roll over and do as they wish. that isn't fun, that isn't being with someone who you can learn from, etc. would you want to be with someone who agreed with everything you said? who shared every single opinion, value, etc. you did? i don't think so because although it is good to have those with someone, people are individuals and have their own thoughts and opinions which is what makes relationships interesting. fighting sucks, but it happens and no one wants someone who is gonna just lay down and take it and can't stand up for themselves unless someone has like some personality disorder where they get off on having that. those traits are considered "weak" but there is nothing wrong with being nice, or doing nice things for someone but eventually, it gets boring.
there's a quote from the perks of being a wallflower that i like, that relates to this situation:
"I don't want to be somebody's crush. If someone likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don't want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it, too. I want them to be able to do whatever they want around me. And if they do something I don't like, I'll tell them."
and it is true. people want someone they can grow with, learn from, etc. they don't want someone who is gonna just be passive. i used to be like you, and feeling like crap and self pity because i'm so nice and girls go after jerks whatever else. but what i learned was that those guys kept their interest because they weren't just putting these girls up on a pedestal. they were human, they had their own individual thoughts, feelings, etc. they were also confident, and showed girls they were into them without putting them up so high on a pedestal. it's nice to be wanted, and shown that in a "nice" way, but people want more. i wouldn't want someone who would just kiss my feet. i wan someone to show me they're into me in other ways too. other ways that show they know me besides like, flowers or whatever. i'd want them to do dishes because they know i don't like doing dishes. that is something so simple, but nice and not typical and them not kissing my feet.
so what i learned was that i need to be more aggressive but not in a negative, macho way. i can voice my opinion, i can have arguments with someone, i can have my own thoughts, etc. while also still being respectful of women. i know you live in a different part of the world where being rude and macho and treating women like crap can be a desired trait, and you want to be different and show women a good guy doesn't have to be like that but you don't need to be passive, either.. there's a balance, you'll find it and you'll find someone who gets it.
This isn't going to apply to every woman, but many of them want a man that isn't too indulgent, because that then goes against the idea of what a man should be in many people's minds - i.e. independent, not a pushover, not someone's doormat or servant. At the same time, women kind of like to mentally spar with men, and figure out what they can get a man to do. So it's a balance between being nice and indulgent enough, but not being too compliant all the time.
Women also tend to want different types of men at different times in their lives. I notice younger women go for the 'bad boy' types who treat them like crap while they're young, but prefer a 'nice guy' later in life. The fact one of them told you as much makes me think she must be the younger type. But rule number one in my book is never to let someone tell you what kind of man you are or what kind of man you should be - be whatever you want, don't try to be someone else's idea of a man. That's independence, that's not being a pushover, or a doormat, for starters. ;)
invisiblemonsters: "i'm so nice and girls go after jerks""
exactly....i noticed when i was a loser with no job and just smoking weed all day , doing nothing girls was crazy about me but now when i try to make my life and i have a job and try to act like a gentel man they don't like that actually and i start to hear sh** the truth is i'm really lost and i dont know what to do no more...in all ways i feel i'm doing somethings wrong and all the time before i say something i ask a question if the thing i'm gonna say is manly enough and not too nice!!! man that just so crazy and i feel like in a prison ..its like they control u its like u have to be that way or we won't like u !!
T.K.G.W : independent, not a pushover, not someone's doormat or servant.
yea bro but even when u be that way they complain !
i believe that woman say things that they don't mean...and they are masoshist they just want someone who hit them and show them how to live life!!
It sounds like you are dating some childish girls man. I haven't dated anyone yet for many reasons but the biggest one is that I'm not gonna settle for some crazy girl who doesn't have respect for herself. I'm like you I'm gonna treat my girl with respect and like a queen so I don't want to waste my time with someone who can't appreciate it. It sucks to say but she just hasn't had her heart broken enough yet to realize that that's not how she should be treated. It's gonna take a lot for her to break out of that mindset she grew up with
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Quote from: jossef-ftm on May 02, 2016, 01:42:05 PM
invisiblemonsters: "i'm so nice and girls go after jerks""
exactly....i noticed when i was a loser with no job and just smoking weed all day , doing nothing girls was crazy about me but now when i try to make my life and i have a job and try to act like a gentel man they don't like that actually and i start to hear sh** the truth is i'm really lost and i dont know what to do no more...in all ways i feel i'm doing somethings wrong and all the time before i say something i ask a question if the thing i'm gonna say is manly enough and not too nice!!! man that just so crazy and i feel like in a prison ..its like they control u its like u have to be that way or we won't like u !!
- try to be yourself and have some self love. And just be yourself
- stay away from immature people. Usually people know what kind of people suit them. Have some self confidence and go for the nice sweet decent girl. Sometimes people are too shy. Just go for it. Try to see the whole picture and listen to your intuition.
- women often look for someone who shows some kind of inner stability. The bad guys seem to them like a rock.
Guys being all nice reflect them back on themselves.
Women talk a lot. They look for a stable point to give them some kind of reassurance.
They also like to see how far they can go sometimes.
So its like a dance:
- be yourself
- be respectful
- show some humour, women like that
- say what you want and what you feel so they have some kind of feeling of stability
- don't be all friendly or you end up in the friend zone. A sassy remark about how sexy her thighs look in that skirt or a tease about her getting a red flush in the face remind her of other things than only friendship.
If shes your girlfriend you can send her a text saying what you would like to do in the evening ... and maybe a reminder later to think of the previous message ..
hugs
She sounds immature. Reading this, I'm guessing she's in her late teens. Maybe early 20s at most? Most girls (and women) in general like some kind of edginess to a guy. If you're lacking that, you're going to end up in the friend zone. Simple as that. It just differs a lot how they like it. I would say her wanting you to get into fights on her behalf is not healthy, and I would encourage you to address it with her.
All my relationships have been multiple years long. I firmly follow the "treat her like a lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets" doctrine, as proposed by Usher. Has not steered me wrong yet 8)
Jossef,
Everybody here has their own opinion, and here's mine: you need to find a new dating pool.
Losers attract losers. When you were smoking weed all day you were surrounded by other people who had no ambitions in life as well. Now you are transitioning out of that with a job and plans and stuff like that. But you're still hanging around the vestiges of your old life. You and these girls have totally different expectations out of a relationship and life and it's not working out. This woman who kept setting you up to fight with people, sounds like she had issues AND she thought you were a pushover, and when you refused to be a pushover, she went right after the trans stuff to insult you in an attempt to hurt you as much as possible. You're not her therapist, okay? You're better off without her in your life.
Real men don't beat women, okay? Men and boys who beat women do so because they want power and control to cover the insecurities in their lives, often insecurity that everyone in their life will eventually reject and leave them.
There are plenty of women who will ONLY date a man with a J-O-B. You need to start hanging out places where you meet these kinds of women. Does your town have bars where people with jobs hit right after work? Does your city have sports clubs with user fees that would sort out the broke people? Volunteering for a cause you believe in is another way to meet people and that would sort out anyone who thinks that sounds too much like work.
Focus on your plans in life, you know, visualize them. Is there a way you can meet like minded people who share your passions? A long-lasting relationship is based on a foundation of shared dreams and goals. If two people have the hots for each other but have totally different goals and expectations out of their relationship they will break up!
Quote from: jossef-ftm on May 02, 2016, 01:47:09 PM
...they are masoshist they just want someone who hit them and show them how to live life!!
No, we're not and no we don't. >:(